RELATIONSHIPS
“Put a Brick on His Pillow,” Ma Said
Never let them pull you down
LIFE LESSONS“Real friendship is shown in times of trouble: prosperity is full of friends.” — Euripides
Get Us A Cold One
As a girl, I loved to eavesdrop on my mom and her friends. One day, her friend Mamie came over with a black eye. She had bruises on her arms and legs. My mom looked at her, then called me. The black eye was unusual as we had attended Mamie’s wedding less than a month before. “Get us a couple cold ones out the fridge,” Ma said.
The kitchen was right down the hall, so my mom and her friend could have walked down the short aisle to get their beer, but they didn’t. Instead, they called one of my mom’s six children to bring them a beer.
I knew that “get us a cold one” meant:
Get the beer Wash the top of the can Get a glass Open the beer Pour the beer in the glasses Bring some chips Take the beer and chips back to Mom and her friend
That was the mom speak translation of “get a cold one.” Anyone foolish enough to just get a beer was stupid. There were a lot of tasks like that at my mom’s house.I fetched Mom and Mamie their beers. No thank you was forthcoming.
He Was Beating Her
Ma waved me away. I went around the corner out of sight and sat down just out of sight. Mamie told my mother her husband was beating the shit out of her at the slightest provocation. She got that black eye for his steak being cool while the rest of the food was hot.
Mamie had misled her husband. He thought she was a sweet girl from the exterminator’s office. That was where he met her. In actual life, Mamie was a rough and tumble Chicago West Sider. She was one of the girls that joined my mother in forming a girl’s gang. The girls did all the things that gangs did, including fighting other boys’ and girls’ gangs.
Mamie’s spouse would not continue to abuse her. After each incident, he promised to stop. Each time, he slipped back into an more aggressive physicality.
Mamie was not there to discuss what to do but how to do it. She needed to put the fear of God into her husband about hitting her, but she still wanted to live with him. She was in love.
My mother and Mamie were slim, delicate, attractive women. Between them, they weighed less than two hundred pounds. Listening to them, you would have thought they were discussing cooking recipes. Ma and Mamie brainstormed solutions. Mamie could poison him, just a little. He ate whatever she cooked. They discarded that one because they did not understand how much poison to use to make him sick but not kill him.
Brainstorming Solutions
Mamie could drug him. A bit of crack or heroin in his food would incapacitate him so she could discuss their problems with him. That idea was discarded because if he died, she wouldn’t have him, and she might “catch a case” for murder.
Then, as he lay sleeping, Mamie would put a brick on his pillow. In the morning, when he woke, she would explain to him that the brick could have been upside his head and that if he ever beat her again, she would use the brick. They agreed the brick was a brilliant solution.
Mom owned a gun. Mamie could borrow the gun and threaten him. No, because if he responded with violence, Mamie would kill him. The same problem. Once he was dead, he was gone forever. Ma called me to get her and Mamie more beer. I went quickly because I did not want to miss any suggestions.
My mother came up with a solution. Make the man some dinner. Seduce him. Give him a good ride. They guffawed at the idea of “a good ride.”
Then, as he lay sleeping, Mamie would put a brick on his pillow. In the morning, when he woke, she would explain to him that the brick could have been upside his head and that if he ever beat her again, she would use the brick. They agreed the brick was a brilliant solution.
The next time I saw Mamie was a few weeks later. She informed my mother that she put the brick on his pillow, as they had discussed. Unfortunately, her spouse had still found a reason to hit her, but that night he was not confident he could go to sleep and still wake up in the morning. After three sleepless nights, he gathered his things and left. Mamie had not seen him since. She was heartbroken.
The Lesson
I learned that love is crazy. Mamie wanted to stay with her husband, even though he was beating her. She wanted him anyway. Once she showed his lousy behavior would have consequences, he wanted no part of her.
He was a bully who could not help himself. He decided he was powerless to change — he realized he was in danger. He ended his relationship with Mamie to avoid being killed in his sleep.
I promised myself there would be nothing fake in my life. I would look with the most transparency that I could muster. Seeing the truth has been a priority. Sometimes I don’t like what I see, but I deal with it.
Toni retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has six books, two of which have won Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, ‘Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting with His Dick in His Hand?’ was one of the winners.
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