I’m Overcoming a 6-year-long Depression. Here’s What I Did That Helped.
My healing journey of curing an over 6-year-long depression was bumpy and varied, but now, a few days before going off antidepressants, I can say it was successful.
Two years ago, I wrote an article in which I described my journey of overcoming a few-year-long depression, the lifestyle changes that I introduced, which helped me in the process, books I’ve read, and more.
Then recently, I followed up with an update on the process.
Today I’d like to bullet-point things that I personally found helpful when dealing with clinical depression and growing through it into the strong, happy, and prospering person I am today.
I put together a list of 10 Things That Helped Me Deal With Depression.
Before we get to this, I need to add an obvious disclaimer: these are the things that helped me. They might help you as well (and it’s fantastic if they do!), but they also might not bring a significant difference in your case. Please treat this article more as a possible guide rather than a blueprint.
Without further ado, let’s go into the list.
10 Things That Helped Me Deal With Depression
1. First and foremost: Therapy & Meds. Together.
In my first article, you will see my initial journey in which I was coping with depression without therapy and antidepressants. Then in the second one, I mention that these are the things I took up in the end.
I was initially hesitant about taking meds because I didn’t want something to alter my brain function. Instead, I wanted to develop mechanisms that would prevent me from relapsing into depression.
I’d subscribe to this point of view until I met the right therapist. She explained the role of antidepressants in the healing process, stating that their primary usefulness is that they ensure a stable condition of brain functioning, which will speed up the therapy process, enabling it to be more effective. That convinced me as I could barely afford therapy, so the vision of cutting the costs was tempting enough.
Speaking of money, I created a separate bank account solely for therapy funds on which I’d set aside money every time I got paid. This allowed me to ensure I could always afford therapy which from then on, I’d prioritise over getting drinks with friends, eating out, or buying myself a new piece of clothing.
In total, I’ve been doing weekly therapy meetings for two years without a break, and I’ve been taking antidepressants every day for two years as well, working with the dosage (I’d go from 30mg to 60mg and up to 90mg which is the highest allowed dose for the med I was taking).
2. Meditation.
I was advised to take up meditation by a holistic psychiatrist after asking him what I could do to help myself since I couldn’t afford to see him apart from this one consultation I’d saved up for. He told me to meditate for 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening. I asked for book recommendations on top of that, and he mentioned two, but more on that in a bit.
Since then, I’d meditate twice a day for 20 minutes (or longer sometimes) every day for a year. After that, I limited my practice to morning meditation only due to lifestyle changes (or just because I made it my excuse). Anyway, I saw significant improvements in managing my emotions and limiting overthinking.
I started with the app called 1 Giant Mind, and I’d strongly recommend it to anyone just starting with meditation or looking for alternative practices.
3. Time Spent In Nature and With Animals.
I started intentionally making time in my day to be in nature, and I’d increase my mindfulness when interacting with animals.
Those two can give you (1) grounding: both emotional and physical, and (2) an anchor to the Here and Now. Both of which can help tremendously when feeling low in depression.
Observing animals and interacting with them helps us stay in the Here and Now because that’s the realm in which animals operate. When you watch a dog playing, it might be running around, and suddenly it’d bump its head into a tree. It stops, shakes the unpleasant feeling off, and goes back to play as if nothing ever happened. That’s because, after the shake, the fact of bumping into the tree is already in the past. And the past doesn’t belong to a dog’s reality.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
Practice shaking off the past as often as you can.
4. Letting Go.
This one is a broad and deep topic that requires quite a bit of practice, but this is also what brought about one of the most significant healing leaps in my journey.
Letting Go essentially means that you practice non-attachment to your thoughts, emotions, and anything that happens around you. Sounds hardcore advanced, I know. And getting there indeed takes time and practice.
But I started with little steps when I was deep in depression. I was just reminding myself that I “want to let go” anytime painful, anxious, or intrusive thoughts would invade my mind.
That’s basically all you need to do in the beginning. Just decide that you want to let go of anything that’s no longer serving you and give up on any benefits that holding onto it might seem to bring you. Yes, negative thinking and digging in your wounds can seem to be paradoxically beneficial to us if they’re a part of the patterns we’ve grown up with.
For example, I used to present my situation as worse to certain people than it was in reality because it was my known way of gaining the kind of attention and care I was longing for.
I took it from home when my parents would stop their busy schedules, usually only when something happened to me, and I needed their urgent attention and care.
So I’d victimise myself in my external narrative, which, obviously, caused internal victimising as well. I was consistently taking power from myself and putting it elsewhere — usually in external circumstances, which, as a result, was stopping me from taking full responsibility for my state of mind.
There’s a book that I can honestly say changed my perspective on life 180 degrees, which title I’ll give later on.
5. Acceptance.
Radical acceptance is the first step toward change.
You can’t change what you refuse to acknowledge. You need to face some facts before you can start progressing.
In my case, it meant accepting that I couldn’t work anymore at some point because depression was too much to handle itself. It meant that I needed to withdraw from most of the social interactions cause nearly all of them were draining my energy (I had high functioning depression, which means I was hiding it for most of the time; it obviously required tremendous amounts of energy to facilitate) so that I can allocate this energy into healing myself and introducing necessary changes within. It also meant accepting the fact that I needed to start pharmacotherapy and find a therapist.
Some humbling must’ve taken place for me to progress.
Once I accepted it all, I understood with the time that it was all okay. It’s just a phase I have to go through. It won’t be like that forever. It is what it is for now, and I need to deal with it. There are no shortcuts, no sideways.
Sometimes the only way forward is through the darkness. And that’s okay.
Winston Churchill famously said, If you’re going through hell, keep going.
6. Growth As a Way of Coping.
As far as I can reach back with my memory, learning and growth always were my coping methods.
I know how it sounds. But stick with me, please.
Whenever I’d find myself in overbearing pain, anxiety, or stress, I’d dive straight into articles, books, or self-evaluation. And I’d do it as long and as intensely as it required until I regained peace of mind (or a tolerable state of mind that allowed me to keep functioning).
It was and is the distraction mechanism that allows me to grow and improve simultaneously.
Sometimes the only way to survive is to distract yourself. When the pain you feel is so unbearable that you think it’s gonna tear you apart at any second, distraction is probably the only thing that can help you manage it.
The thing is that people don’t necessarily consider growth as a distraction but as work.
Well, here I come to change this perspective.
Growth can be a distraction too. After a painful breakup, I remember that I’d binge-watch videos by a certain relationship coach for days. It distracted me from digging in my pain and overthinking everything that happened in the last days and the relationship itself.
It saved my peace of mind. And as a side effect, I walked out of this phase with one or two extra relationship skills, which helped me in future connections.
7. Books Books Books!
As mentioned above, reading and consuming content was my way of distraction combined with healing.
I’d binge-read, and I’d binge-note. That’s an important part. Note whatever speaks to you, regardless of whether you’re going to look at it again or not. I’d write in what I call a Mindset Journal (on which I’ll create a separate article).
Below is the list of books that helped me the most. I recommend them to anyone asking me for advice on dealing with distress (both in-person and on my IG).
The order in which I list the books is intentional, and I’d recommend following it. But of course, you do you!
- Man’s Search For Meaning — Viktor Frankl
- The Will to Meaning — Viktor Frankl
These two were recommended to me by the therapist I mentioned before, alongside meditation.
3. Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender — David R. Hawkins
That’s a big one! That’s the one I said changed my perspective on life in 180 degrees, and if I were to stand on a cardboard box with a megaphone on the streets of New York, yelling the ultimate truth, I’d be raving about this book, seriously.
4. Power vs. Force — David R. Hawkins
5. The Power of Now — Eckhart Tolle
This one saved me during my worst panic attack, when I genuinely thought I was dying.
6. The Untethered Soul. The Journey Beyond Yourself — Michael A. Singer
I'm reading this one now, but I can already say it’s a must!
8. Music (caution!)
Music is helpful, but you need to be mindful of this one.
There was a time in my life when I stopped listening to songs, stopped reading novels, and stopped watching movies. That was because I needed to get rid of all external narratives in order to make room for my own to form.
After that, I slowly started introducing music back (I still don’t really read novels or watch movies). At first, I brought back only classical and modern instrumental music — basically anything that was soothing and didn’t include words.
While it’s very pleasurable to dive into sad songs masochistically, you must be aware that they plant in you patterns of thinking that are not necessarily healthy and don't really contribute to your healing.
When I felt strong, and sure enough, I started experimenting with listening to the sad romantic songs again, but I’d address them to myself. That was a significant change!
Whenever the lyrics talked about the ‘love of my life’ or ‘fighting for the only lover,’ I’d think about myself, not anyone else.
That changed my mind's narrative and boosted my efforts to establish a genuine love for myself.
9. Time Alone
Solitude is largely underrated in the over-entertaining society.
Consciously taking time for yourself to be alone is, in my opinion, crucial in the journey of healing. There are a few reasons for that.
One of the more important reasons is that along the process of healing, you will find yourself changing some of your preferences. You might no longer want to be around certain people, and you might no longer wish to engage in some activities.
Staying true to yourself and those new preferences requires grounding that can only happen when you’re by yourself, without any external stimulants.
Moreover, time spent alone allows you to reflect on your process and strengthen your achievements. It keeps redirecting power to you and helps you remember that it’s you who’s doing all this work and achieving all those little victories. It’s you who is fighting for yourself. And it’s you who will benefit from it the most.
You’re doing it for yourself so take time to celebrate it with the most important person — you.
10. Asking For Help
Last but not least. Learning to ask for help when you need it, and accept it when offered, is a big and significant skill.
We can go only so far when we’re walking alone.
There’s an African proverb that I like a lot:
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
And I know, sometimes we desperately need help, and there’s no one around who’d seem to be willing to offer it to us. I’ve been there.
Most of my healing journey has been made in isolation. I tried asking for help many times, but I wouldn’t receive it every time I asked. Not every person is ready to meet you where you are, and that’s fine. Don’t feel offended or let down by it. It’s about them, not about you.
But usually, there are people around you who can give you a helping hand when you need it the most. In my experience, it was very often the people I’d expect it the least.
And also, if you can’t find anyone, remember there are people who are trained to offer help. This leads me to one extra point on the list.
11. Emergency Help Lines
There have been a few times when I was so scared of my own thoughts and the pain I felt that I needed to talk to someone immediately.
I called emergency helplines a few times. I ran out of a lecture at the university in a rising panic attack. I ran straight to an emergency mental help center in my home city, drowning in tears and barely able to catch a breath in panic hyperventilation.
In your good moment, take time to research and write down numbers and addresses of emergency mental health centers in your country/city. Make sure you know without fail where you save them. Remember that you can also reach some helplines online via chat. Sometimes I’d cry so much that I could not speak, so it’s handy to have those on your list as well.
Trust me, you don’t want to be researching it when you actually need it.
As I said initially, these are the methods I found helpful when dealing with depression. It’s only some of them, and I will try to write more about this topic.
If I were to leave you with just one, though, I’d say: find a good therapist. If you can’t afford it, borrow money or ask your friends for help. If you really can’t afford it and can’t borrow the money, your second best bet is books.
Don’t seek advice from random people online, don’t seek advice from friends or family. They most likely haven’t been through what you’re experiencing. Very often they haven’t even been near that (as it was in my case). So their advice and unsolicited opinions might usually do you more harm than good.
I started healing the most when I stopped listening to the advice and opinions of my friends and family, and I’d only listen to my therapist and the best advisor there is — my intuition.
You got this.
I believe in you.
Depression is possible to overcome. I’m a living (luckily!) proof of this.
Thank you for reading
Justyna Cyrankiewicz
