I’m an egg with feelings and shizz

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the silence. It was alright at first, pleasant even. Then the silence grew until suddenly the silence was louder than ever. It was all I could hear. So my thoughts got louder and they battled with the silence. Silent no more.</p><p id="f5cb">Thoughts of harm and vengeance and envy. Thoughts of self-doubt; being unworthy and unlovable. They were back and they weren’t going to be shunned anymore. Here to stay.</p><p id="82a9">So what if my feelings offend? In order to recover, I must speak my truth.</p><p id="af5e">I will not be silenced anymore.</p><p id="f777"><i>The most amazing thing about this piece is it all came flooding out of me whilst I was sobbing. I was deep in my feelings and decided to write whatever came out. The best part of this process was not just that it was cathartic, but the thoughts actually left my head afterwards. The tears had stopped, I’d put my pen down and I felt immensely calm. I highly recommend to anyone with unregulated/unpredictable/intense emotions, to get them out on paper, it is very therapeutic.</i></p><div id="463a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/what-or-where-is-your-happy-place-e2b65f4a4b8"> <div> <div> <h2>What or Where is Your Happy Place?</h2> <div><h3>Let’s talk about our mental health</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*bScXRFHKm9BYMf7h)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="8513" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/im-a-serial-writer-9dce5

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I’m an egg with feelings and shizz

They say it’s like walking on egg shells, but try being the egg. So fragile, you just don’t know when you’ll crack. It’s hard to be around me since I’m so unpredictable. Well try living as me, when you don’t know how you’ll react. I might laugh, I might cry, who knows? As long as I don’t crack in front of you. That’s what you’re really scared of. You don’t know how you’ll react to my reactions. Oh the irony!

So I’m an egg, with too much pressure, boiling over and CRACK. Now What? I’m just a shell. An empty shell of what once was. I used to be a human being but now I’m just what’s left. The pieces of my shell surround me. I’m no longer an egg, not even a shell. I’m nothing. There’s something very comforting about being nothing… No one expects anything of you, no one contacts you, no one misses you. Then nothingness becomes loneliness and I realise I am not nothing. I am something. I am someone, with thoughts and feelings, cast aside because of other people’s fears.

They’re scared of the unknown, scared of how I might react or who I might become and in listening to their fears, I became silenced. I became nothing. I became numb. To allow myself to feel was too much of an inconvenience to them. So I switched off. I tapped out of the fight. I gave in to the silence. It was alright at first, pleasant even. Then the silence grew until suddenly the silence was louder than ever. It was all I could hear. So my thoughts got louder and they battled with the silence. Silent no more.

Thoughts of harm and vengeance and envy. Thoughts of self-doubt; being unworthy and unlovable. They were back and they weren’t going to be shunned anymore. Here to stay.

So what if my feelings offend? In order to recover, I must speak my truth.

I will not be silenced anymore.

The most amazing thing about this piece is it all came flooding out of me whilst I was sobbing. I was deep in my feelings and decided to write whatever came out. The best part of this process was not just that it was cathartic, but the thoughts actually left my head afterwards. The tears had stopped, I’d put my pen down and I felt immensely calm. I highly recommend to anyone with unregulated/unpredictable/intense emotions, to get them out on paper, it is very therapeutic.