What or Where is Your Happy Place?

Let’s talk about our mental health

For me, I’ve never really known what or where my “happy place” is.

I remember the first time I heard the phrase; it was in drama class at school, I guess the teacher wanted to wrap up the lesson and calm us “energetic” kids down. (Energetic was polite for rowdy and we were ROWDY!) Our teacher got us all to sit on the floor in a circle, close our eyes and “go to our happy place”. He said to imagine a place where we feel happy — sounds easy enough right? But I had absolutely nowhere to go and not through lack of trying, or imagination as I’ve always had a creative mind. I thought maybe if I closed my eyes I’d be transported some how, but I just sat there in this empty, lonely darkness. I felt so abnormal as I peaked through one eyelid, I could see all the other kids seemingly being transported and unwinding. So I pushed myself to imagine a conventionally happy place — a beach. I pictured a sandy white beach and crisp blue waves, crashing against the shore. Then I remembered I don’t like beaches and with that my eyes opened. I just couldn’t find my happy place and I felt like such a failure because of this.

Since then I have been asked differing forms of the question in various settings, like group meditation or in relaxation/warm down exercises. “Go to your Happy Place” they would say. I’m still not sure where or what my happy place is — maybe it’s because I’m a pedantic so and so. I will talk you through my thought process here…I have a safe place and a calm place and with some effort, I could combine the two. But even then, this would be more of a content place rather than happy. (See, I told you I was pedantic!) As I’ve grown up I have realised that my goal in life is to be content and to be present. Because in my opinion, it is not natural to be happy all the time, otherwise wouldn’t we all be smiling and tapping our feet everywhere we go? Content is my goal.

My safe place is my bed. My calm place is at home, with my cat. Combined, I am at my most content. Therefore, you would think that home is my “content place”. Unfortunately, my home is also my sad place because it’s where I can be the most raw, vulnerable version of myself; where I shed tears or worse. I spend far too much of my time in bed and maybe this is because I feel safe there, but then the question begs to be asked — why do I feel so unsafe that I hide away under the covers? Truth be told, I don’t know yet, but I’m figuring it out. One of the biggest triggers for me is loneliness, or more so, the awareness of how lonely I am in one particular moment. I am chronically lonely, but it doesn’t impact me unless I focus solely on that and start dwelling. So my home is where I feel most safe, but also the most lonely.

I don’t have a happy place, but I’m okay with that and here’s why:

I know how to improve my environment, by making it more bearable; I can make it calmer, or more fun depending on my mood. For example, I often turn to music to cheer me up or to motivate me. But the most significant action I take is listening to Happy Place, the wellbeing podcast hosted by Fearne Cotton. I tend to listen to the podcast when I am unsure of how I am feeling, when I can’t quite pin point the emotion that I am experiencing. This works well for me because the episodes are deep and sometimes they will trigger me, other times they inspire me, it’s that moment when I realise what I am feeling and whether I should lean into it, distract myself or unpick it. I’m in no way saying that her episodes always trigger me. In fact, I can be triggered by one episode but come back to it on another day and be inspired by it. It all depends on my mindset, and she helps me figure out where my head is at that day by using this process. I’m lucky enough to notice the trigger creeping up and shut it down before it actually triggers me, for instance if someone begins talking about a sexual assault — I will either lean into it and think wow that sounds like my story, or be the complete opposite and say “nope nope nope” switch it off and come back to it another day. I think that’s what I appreciate most about her podcast, she has made me more self-aware and aware of my triggers to the point where I can feel them coming in time to do something about it.

I often find myself talking about Fearne’s podcast because some of the points that her and her guest make are just so poignant and resonate with me on another level. I then come back to that advice time and time again in my day to day life. If you haven’t noticed Happy Place was the inspiration behind this article! I highly recommend it for anyone struggling with mental chatter, negative thoughts, anxiety and pretty much any mental struggle. There truly is something for everyone.

You can listen to Happy Place here

Now I want to hear from you!

Let me know in the comments, what or where is your happy place?

Heather Martin (@cadenzacreates) Quy Ma The Void The Boring Team Meghna C H Olive Branch Therapy Group Lady Dr. Gabriella Korosi Cassie Howard Paige Reid Loralyn Mears, PhD

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