I’m 34. Please stop referring to me as a girl.

Would you refer to a 34-year-old man as a boy? I doubt it

A girl is a female child. We could get lost in the definitions of what female and child mean, but for the sake of this article, I won’t go there. Let’s just assume that at the age of 34, I’m no longer a child, and I identify as female.

In the last year alone, I have been referred to as a girl, one way or another, at least 8 times. Here are the examples I can remember, although probably there have been more:

1. Being called a “lucky girl” by a masseuse who I hired to give me a sports massage
2. Having a line manager refer to me and a group of colleagues as “girls” in all of their emails
3. A friend setting up a WhatsApp group for a weekend away called “Girls’ Weekend”
4. A colleague setting up a Microsoft Teams chat called “The Girls”
5. Being told that for a girl — I’m not very girly — by a sort-of friend
6. Being called “Girly” by my step-mum as a replacement for my name (e.g Hiii Girly)
7. Being told I was a “Big girl’s blouse” by my dad when I told him that I didn’t want to do something because I was scared (this is a British idiom making reference to being weak)
8. Being told “Don’t be such a girl” by another sort-of friend when I said I didn’t want to do an activity they were planning for a hen night

I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with girls or being a girl or being girly. That’s not my issue here. My issue is that I find that the people who use the word girl/s to refer to a woman/women are either reinforcing gender stereotypes (whether they intend to or not), attempting to belittle or undermine me, or just being plain old misogynistic.

I have experienced the stereotype that considers girls to be weak, yet in my opinion, this is not the case. I know many very strong women (both physically and mentally), and when I was a teacher teaching 12-year-olds, I knew many very strong and capable girls. Even so, I never referred to them as girls, because I didn’t want to define them by their gender. I wish that gender wasn’t one of our defining characteristics. You can read more about that here:

In the case of my line manager (incidentally, a woman) referring to myself and my colleagues as “girls”, I really felt belittled. I felt that my line manager wasn’t necessarily choosing that word on purpose, however, the implication of it emphasised that she considered herself to be older, wiser, and more capable than the rest of us, even though in my opinion that wasn’t the case. I perceived it as a form of control, an attempt to dominate the group. Perhaps I was being too sensitive, but I doubt that she would have referred to the team as “boys” if her team was a group of fully grown men — it would seem inappropriate and very informal.

When I was described as a “lucky girl” by a masseuse it was in reference to a question he asked me about where I was going on holiday. As I was at that time going on a nice holiday, he described me as a “lucky girl” — and I was affronted. Luck had nothing to do with it — I had worked hard, earned my money, and was choosing to spend it how I wanted to, which was on a holiday. I was not dependent on someone else to provide me that holiday. I felt as though he was trying to undermine or downplay my ability to provide myself with a nice holiday.

Have you ever heard somebody say, “Urgh, you’re such a boy.” I definitely haven’t. So it’s time to stop using girl as a negative dig, or using it offhandedly to define a group of women.

Words I prefer to the collective noun “girls”:

In a professional setting:

1. Colleagues
2. Teammates/team
3. People (as in, Hi People!)
4. All (as in, Dear All)
5. Name of the team, e.g dear form teachers, dear reception staff, dear clinicians, etc.
6. (Towards children) Class, classmates, students, pupils, name of the specific class, name of the specific child

In a more informal setting:

1. Peeps (kind of 90s slang for people)
2. Ladies (if referring to a group of people who all identify as women)
3. Everyone
4. Gang/crew if you’re trying to be cool
5. The specific name of your group if referring to a group, or the actual name of the person who you’re talking to

Do you have any other suggestions?

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