What does it mean to be a woman?

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2023

Abstract

in a physically threatening situation because I have more potential to be more physically aggressive than he does. I don’t regularly wear makeup or jewellery or high heels, although I like wearing all of these things on occasion. I tend to dress in baggy, loose-fitting clothing. I have large boobs, but I would happily get rid of them if it were necessary as I don’t particularly like them or feel attached to them. I have been shamed for having them in the past, but again, that’s for another story.</p><p id="6dc9">Does that mean that I’m no longer a woman?</p><p id="6e00">I don’t think so. Despite doing all of these “anti” woman things, I still feel like a woman.</p><p id="722c">But does it matter? Is feeling like a woman important? I do identify with other women, the majority of my friends are women, but then there are plenty of women that I don’t identify with, who are completely different from me. And I also have a lot of male friends. The people who I am closest to in my life are my boyfriend, my brother and my dad. My brother looks like a very “manly” man due to his physique, but he is the most sensitive person that I know, far more so than me. Does that mean that he’s no longer a man as he doesn’t fit his stereotype?</p><p id="2a21">I used to be a teacher and I worked in a school where one of the children did not identify with either gender. Due to this, we had to avoid any reference to gender in our day-to-day teaching. You would not believe how hard that was. All the toilets were divided into boys and girls, for a start. Then at P.E time, boys were supposed to get changed on one side of the classroom and girls on the other. Boys then lined up on one side of the room and girls on the other. Most seating charts were girl-boy-girl-boy. There was a uniform for boys with shorts and one for girls with skirts. The list goes on and on. This one child forced us to examine all of those traditions and makes changes for the better, but had that child not been there, things would have carried on

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the way they were.</p><p id="1f1d">As a society, I really feel that we are obsessed with gender, right from the first moment that a child is conceived (I’m thinking of the new trend of having baby gender reveal parties). Maybe that is because it is in our nature to classify things, to compartmentalise the unknown, but I wish it wasn’t that way.</p><p id="c543">I wish that we could just be people. I wish that we could just be individuals with differences and similarities that are unique to who <i>we</i> are, rather than expectations or contradictions of our gender.</p><div id="0b16" class="link-block"> <a href="https://medium.com/@elena./membership"> <div> <div> <h2>Join Medium with my referral link - Elena J</h2> <div><h3>Hey! If you enjoyed reading this, you can read every story from me on Medium by clicking on this link... You'll also…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*DZgVqrFZBUiBif6N)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="5084" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-are-women-willing-to-accept-so-little-from-a-relationship-6a0b646196a7"> <div> <div> <h2>Why Are Women Willing to Accept so Little from a Relationship?</h2> <div><h3>And when I say “women”, I mean me.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Cku54ysqDZCaWZsA)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="5ba3">*I haven’t written about transgender people here because I don’t feel that I can do that as I have very little knowledge of their personal experiences.</p></article></body>

Isn’t it time to forget gender?

All my life I have grown up knowing very clearly that I was a girl who would grow into a woman. Despite being 34, I still get called a girl on a regular basis which I find extremely belittling, but that’s for another story. Now I consider myself to be a woman. I’m not sure at what age I turned into a woman, but it happened.

What does it mean to be a woman?

There are of course some biological things — periods, hormones, boobs, the potential to have children. And there are lots of societal things — the gender pay gap, the disparity between male and female CEOs, the barriers to having a career and being a mother, either being seen as a slut, or a prude, either being a mother or a sex object, being called bossy when a man would be called assertive. Being really, really capable.

This is not an exhaustive list. I could go on and on. What strikes me is that there are a lot of rules about being a woman, as well as a “feeling” that you are a woman.

There are some things that I am choosing to do that are “anti” the general stereotype of being a woman. I take a form of contraception which means that I no longer have periods and I do not miss bleeding from my vagina once a month in the slightest. I am actively choosing not to have children, despite being perfectly healthy and “good with kids”. I am quite tall and I am quite strong. I am more or less the same size as my boyfriend and when we walk down the street I feel like I am the one who would need to protect him if we ever ended up in a physically threatening situation because I have more potential to be more physically aggressive than he does. I don’t regularly wear makeup or jewellery or high heels, although I like wearing all of these things on occasion. I tend to dress in baggy, loose-fitting clothing. I have large boobs, but I would happily get rid of them if it were necessary as I don’t particularly like them or feel attached to them. I have been shamed for having them in the past, but again, that’s for another story.

Does that mean that I’m no longer a woman?

I don’t think so. Despite doing all of these “anti” woman things, I still feel like a woman.

But does it matter? Is feeling like a woman important? I do identify with other women, the majority of my friends are women, but then there are plenty of women that I don’t identify with, who are completely different from me. And I also have a lot of male friends. The people who I am closest to in my life are my boyfriend, my brother and my dad. My brother looks like a very “manly” man due to his physique, but he is the most sensitive person that I know, far more so than me. Does that mean that he’s no longer a man as he doesn’t fit his stereotype?

I used to be a teacher and I worked in a school where one of the children did not identify with either gender. Due to this, we had to avoid any reference to gender in our day-to-day teaching. You would not believe how hard that was. All the toilets were divided into boys and girls, for a start. Then at P.E time, boys were supposed to get changed on one side of the classroom and girls on the other. Boys then lined up on one side of the room and girls on the other. Most seating charts were girl-boy-girl-boy. There was a uniform for boys with shorts and one for girls with skirts. The list goes on and on. This one child forced us to examine all of those traditions and makes changes for the better, but had that child not been there, things would have carried on the way they were.

As a society, I really feel that we are obsessed with gender, right from the first moment that a child is conceived (I’m thinking of the new trend of having baby gender reveal parties). Maybe that is because it is in our nature to classify things, to compartmentalise the unknown, but I wish it wasn’t that way.

I wish that we could just be people. I wish that we could just be individuals with differences and similarities that are unique to who we are, rather than expectations or contradictions of our gender.

*I haven’t written about transgender people here because I don’t feel that I can do that as I have very little knowledge of their personal experiences.