If You Want a Happy Family, Stop Caring
Keeping your family’s image is deteriorating your family’s happiness.
My parents care about our family’s image a lot. I’ve heard them brag about my scores and where I’m studying a bunch. I’ve heard them talk about other people’s families and what shouldn’t be countless times.
On the other hand, I, their daughter, don’t really care about what others do “wrong” and what people think of me. I can talk about poop to someone I barely know for all I care. So them caring drives me nuts.
(Disclaimer: My parents are still great people and this article is not to badmouth them).
Caring Trumps One’s Personal Growth
“The eyes of others our prisons; their thoughts our cages.” ― Virginia Woolf
When you care about what other people think, that’s when you cage yourself, or in this case, your family as well, into a box.
I am a student abroad. I was offered a job by my university’s lecturer to do freelance waitressing. Nice. Opportunities!
I would usually arrive home at 1–2 in the morning, so I didn’t tell my parents the first few times I did it. But I couldn’t hide it for long because they would call me at night and I wouldn’t pick up.
I told my mom about it, and the first thing she said to me was,
“Don’t go if it’s so late next time. What would people think of a girl who goes home so late?”
I was flabbergasted. I thought finding experience and taking opportunities would be the main point here. But nope. It was the worry that I might look like a plaything in the eyes of others. Great.
I was disappointed. I thought I did well.
Fortunately, I knew myself. I continued working and gained lots of experience through not caring.
My mom was not pleased. But she learned to let it go, and now we’re all happier.
Caring Means Ignorance
We’ve all had our worst day and still say, “I’m fine, thank you” to the how are you’s asked. Sometimes we even smile to mask it further. Yup. Such a classic move.
Caring about what people think about your family is that feeling — intensified.
When it’s you alone, at least you can sigh after, say oh well and move on. Nu-uh, that’s not how it works with families.
Let’s say you had a big fight with your teen or spouse before a family gathering.
When you act exaggeratingly fine afterward, you’re asking the person you fought with or your other family members who were affected to act the same way too. It’s like saying, “Aw, you’re in a bad mood? Nah, you’re fine.” instead of trying to understand why.
You’re ignoring the feelings of your loved ones.
Of course, you don’t have to brood or pout afterward. But be moderate, take your family’s feelings into account. Not being the “happy family” once in a while wouldn’t harm anybody.
Final Thoughts
Caring about your family’s image is cool now and then. We’re humans, after all, we have the urge to brag sometimes, and it shows that you’re proud of your family’s achievements.
But don’t make maintaining the image a mission for you. You’re only tiring yourself out.
If you need an outlet to channel out your care, channel it out by understanding how your family wants to be cared for instead.
Cheers!
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