If You Consistently Fail to Achieve Your Goals, You Might Be Missing This Key Ingredient to Successful Goal Setting

How to set goals in alignment with your values

According to this INC article, only 92% of people achieve the goals they set for themselves.

Why is it that the majority of people never reach their goals? Because many of us have never been taught how to set goals correctly.

First, let’s look at the most common mistakes people make when setting goals. Then I will discuss the role mindfulness plays in successful goal setting.

Why most people fail to set goals they can achieve

Setting too many goals

I am guilty of making this mistake. Once you understand that you have the power to change your life, you become overzealous.

You want to improve every area of your life — all at once.

However, setting too many goals is counterproductive because you feel overwhelmed and anxious. You lose focus and waste mental energy trying to get everything done to achieve all of your dreams.

Instead of trying to overhaul your life all at once, take the advice of a writer:

“Be like a postage stamp — stick to one thing until you get there.“ — Josh Billings

Your goals are too vague or too easy to achieve

here are various goal-setting techniques and exercises. You probably heard that you should set SMART goals. According to this acronym, your goals should be specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound.

While this is an excellent approach to get you started, it is not optimal. Why?

Because when you focus on setting only goals that you deem “realistic“ and “achievable,“ you might set goals that are too easy to achieve and don’t inspire you.

Many people also fail to set specific goals. They might say: “I want to lose weight,“ “I want to earn more money,“ or “I want to live in a nicer neighborhood.“

However, you need to clearly define what this means for you.

Do you want to lose 5 pounds, 10, or 20? Do you want to earn $500 more, $1000 more, or double your income? Where exactly do you want to live? Be as specific as possible and make your goals big and exciting.

Your goals are set on a negative premise

Why do you set goals? If you are like most people, you feel like you don’t have enough or because you are not enough.

You want to lose weight because you are not thin enough.

You want to earn more money because you are not rich enough.

You want to get more work done because you feel you are not productive enough.

“I am not enough“ is the state of mind you are in when goal setting.

Do you really think you will go after them day after day when such a negative feeling is attached to those goals?

Wouldn’t you think you’d prefer to work on goals that inspire you and lift you up?

Your goals are not your own

This is closely related to the previous point. Many of us grew up feeling not good enough.

Maybe your parents did hold you to unrealistic standards, or you were often compared to other kids.

Now that you are an adult, you see all those people on social media living their fabulous lives. Everyone around you is more intelligent, thinner, and richer than you.

Pair this feeling of not being good enough with constant messages from society about how you should live your life and what you need to have or do.

What goals will you likely set? Those that are based on the expectations of others and societal norms.

The importance of mindfulness

It may seem like a contradiction at first. Mindful goal setting.

After all, doesn’t mindfulness mean staying centered in the present moment, letting go of the past, and stopping worrying about the future?

Yes, but staying in the here and now doesn’t mean letting go of all goals. In fact, when you practice mindfulness, you will set better goals.

A study by Smyth et al. (2020) has found that mindful students set goals aligned with who they wanted to be and what they wanted to experience, rather than goals they thought they should pursue.

When you practice mindfulness, you can tune inward and have a more profound sense of who you are and what you value. Mindfulness can help you break through social conditioning and free yourself of limiting beliefs.

In short, when we are mindful, we are more self-aware and hence can select goals that reflect our values and are in line with our authentic selves.

Mindfulness is also a great stress reducer and can help reduce negative emotions like fear or anxiety.

Stress is detrimental to achieving your goals since it changes how you think and prevents your brain from forming cohesive thoughts. Negative emotions can stifle creativity and prevent you from being inspired and taking action on your goals.

How to set mindful goals

So how do you set mindful goals? Here are 3 practical steps:

1. Find your presence and explore yourself

The first step is, of course, to step into the present moment. You can meditate or simply take a few deep breaths to calm your nervous system.

Make sure you are in a comfortable environment and uninterrupted for your goal-setting session.

Turn your phone on flight mode. Some people like to light a candle or some incense sticks. I always play relaxing hang drum music on my laptop to get me in the right state of mind.

When your mind is relaxed, start asking questions, such as “Who am I?”, “What do I value?” or “When do I feel most fulfilled?”

Knowing who you are is essential. After all, you can only set goals aligned with your true self if you actually know who your true self is.

2. Write out your goals and feel them

Write out all the goals you have in mind. Then go through the list and ask yourself why you want to achieve each.

Is this goal an extension of your values, or did you choose it because you want the recognition and love of someone else?

And finally, how does that goal make you feel? Do you feel anxiety and tension or excitement and giddy joy when thinking about it?

You can use visualization to experience the accomplishment of that goal in your imagination.

3. Choose and refine

Remember how I described earlier that people often set too many goals at once? Now is the time to refine your list. Once you have crossed off all goals that don’t light up your soul, you will need to decide on your number one goal.

Don’t fret, though. You will not lose those goals forever. You will simply settle on the one goal that matters most to you.

Only one goal? Yes! Picking only one goal will keep you focused and make goal achievement much more likely than picking 2, 3, or more.

Which goal should you choose? The answer is simple but not easy: Your one goal to focus on the one that if you’d achieve it, the achievement of all of the other goals would be easier.

For example, you might have the goals “getting physically fit“, “quitting my job“, and “starting my own business“ on your list.

You need to make a judgment call and decide which of those 3 to tackle first. I say judgment call because there is no right or wrong answer here.

For example, I’d choose “getting physically fit “as the first goal to tackle. It is the easiest and will make achieving the other 2 goals much more effortless.

I found that I had more energy, a clearer mind, and vastly improved self-esteem when I focused on fitness and health. These factors made it much easier for me to start my side business and to have the guts to quit my job.

Maybe you’d have picked “starting my own business“ as the number one goal because you would then build a financial base to quit your job and create time to finally get healthy.

Or you would have picked “quit my job“to have the time and mental capacities to get your business off the ground and reach new levels in your fitness.

Whichever goal you pick as your number one, focus on this one goal exclusively.

Conclusion

Being mindful can help you to set better goals. What are “better goals”? Simply those goals that are right for you because they connect with who you are and what you value.

Goals that inspire you and give you a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Instead of looking at society, your family, or friends, you look inward and choose a path that is right for you.

You will know your number one goal and will more likely stay committed to it. By staying mindful during every step of achieving your goal, you will notice where limiting beliefs and social conditioning hold you back.

You will keep moving forward in the direction of your dreams. At the same time, you accept yourself and your current situation.

You move forward from a place of joy and wonder instead of lack and unworthiness.