How To Define And Live Your Personal Values
You are what you value
If you want to live with integrity, you need to align your actions with your core personal values.
However, many people don’t align their actions with their deeply held values. Most of us don’t even clarify what our core values actually are. Instead, we base our decision-making processes on our social environment and the media we consume.
Feeling unfulfilled, stressed, and generally unhappy with your life are all signs that your choices don’t reflect what you value most.
This article will help you define your personal values so that you can make big decisions with ease and experience greater fulfillment in life.
What Are Personal Values?
You can think of your personal values as your moral compass. When you value something, it has meaning to you. Your core personal values are entirely your own and will likely differ from mine or just about everyone else.
Some people value freedom and adventure; others value family and security. What makes you happy is probably different from what makes me happy. And the primary reason is that we have different value systems, regardless of whether we are currently aware of them or not.
Here are a few examples of personal core values:
- freedom
- love
- health/wellness
- security
- honesty
- learning/growth
- creativity
- wealth
- spirituality
- achievement
- honesty
This is by no means an extensive list but should give an idea.
How Your Values Affect Your Daily Life
Life is full of decisions — big and small. Should you study law or go for your dream of being a musician? Should you quit your job to start your dream business or build it on the side? Should you have pizza or steak and veggies for dinner? Should you go to that party or stay home and read that book you wanted to read?
When you are clear on your values and live in accordance with them, making choices becomes easier. You start setting and enforcing healthy boundaries.
Instead of trying to please others and live up to their expectations, you make choices that are right for you.
For example, suppose Thursday nights are reserved for date nights with your spouse. However, this week, your boss comes to you on Thursday morning and asks you to work longer. Your team needs to finish an important project, and he is afraid it won’t get done on time.
How do you react?
If you value love and family above all else and live in alignment with your values, you will disappoint your boss and go out with your spouse. And you will feel good about that decision.
If, on the other hand, you value love and family above all else and yet decide to fulfill your boss’ request, you are not acting in alignment with your values and will likely be unhappy and annoyed.
If you are clear about what you value most in life and dare to align your actions accordingly, you can lead a fulfilling life.
How Do You Define Your Set Of Personal Values?
While you certainly have a set of values you live by, it might be that you are not consciously aware of them. However, you can quickly discover which values you express by looking at how you live life.
How do you spend your time? With whom do you surround yourself?
For example, if you have a habit of working 12 hour days, eating a diet consisting of burgers, fries, and pizza, and are 20 pounds overweight, you are not living the value of health.
Sure, you may say you value health and wellness, but your actions show something else. Your actions show that you either don’t value health and wellness or don’t live in alignment with your values.
To discover which values you hold, start a discovery process and ask yourself the following questions:
What’s important to you in life?
If you say your family and friends are essential, that’s a strong indicator that you value relationships and community. If, on the other hand, you say that your work is most important to you, then you might value achievement, success, and wealth more.
When do you feel happiest?
Your hobbies and passions can give you hints about what’s most important to you. For example, creativity is likely one of your core values when you are happiest writing, drawing, and making music.
For me, running is my biggest passion. When I started to ponder why and what I love about it, it became clear that it is an expression of my highest value: freedom. No other activity gives me this sense of freedom.
When do you feel sad or angry?
Which behaviors upset you? When you feel angry about a person or situation, it likely means that some value you deem important was suppressed.
For example, let’s assume meditation is an essential part of your life, but your tight work schedule made you decide to quit for a while. If you got very upset about this and regret this decision, spirituality is likely high on your value list. If you don’t miss your meditation practice at all, then you might not value spirituality as much.
Once you have gone through this process, you can develop a list of 5–10 values that reflect what is most important to you.
You can use a value list to guide you, but I advise you not to pick some from the list because they sound good.
Don’t be afraid to cluster values together into an overarching value. For example, the values of learning, personal development, and growth can all be lumped together.
It also makes sense to rank your values.
If everything is important, nothing really is. You will have a more challenging time making decisions and staying true to yourself.
As an example, here is my list of personal values:
- freedom
- love
- health/wellness
- honesty
- learning/growth
- creativity
- spirituality
- achievement
Don’t feel that you need to complete the process all in one go. If you feel uncomfortable ranking your values, go back to the list the following day. It may take several iterations until you think you have a satisfactory result.
How To Live Your Values
Now comes the tricky part. Once you are clear on the values you choose to embody, you have to have the courage to live them in the real world. That means aligning your actions and words with your values.
For example, if you value honesty and have the courage to express your values, you won’t succumb to using little white lies to convince your boss to allow you to leave work early.
If compassion is one of your highest values, you wouldn’t constantly blame or judge others. And if health is one of your values, you would align your daily food choices, exercise regimen, and work habits accordingly.
To align your life with your core values, you can write them on paper and look at them each morning. You can also create a value statement and goals that define how you will act in alignment with your core values.
For example, if one of your highest values is freedom, you might feel stifled and unhappy in a corporate setting, where you have strictly set working hours and are required to follow many rules doing your work.
You may then set the goal to find a position with flexible working hours and the freedom to do your job without excessive supervision. Or decide to start your own business.
Regularly Conduct A Values Audit
Your values can and likely will change over time. As your life experience grows, so your values and priorities will change.
Many people value wealth and success when they are younger, and as they grow older, family and health become more important.
I review my values during times of significant life changes, such as starting my studies, deciding to move in with my girlfriend, and starting my own business. I usually also conduct a value review on my birthday.
Have The Courage To Live Your Values
Living aligned with your personal values requires courage. You need to get to know yourself on a deeper level and stand up for yourself and your beliefs.
The reward, however, is a life of fulfillment and integrity.
Consistently align your actions and words with your highest values and reap the reward of a peaceful mind.