HUMOR

If It’s Not a Shark Attack, What Is It?

Australian citizens have recently been advised to refer to shark attacks as ‘shark interactions’ in order to remove the negative stigma surrounding sharks.

When I shared this news on Facebook, my smartass pals responded with:

I feel safer already.

Right. And let’s call car crashes “surprise interactions with other vehicles.”

This is the ultimate in political correctness. I hope the sharks appreciate it.

Interactions do not tend to leave you without limbs.

Whoever came up with this idea could benefit from a shark “interaction.”

Let’s all hit the surf and “interact” with sharks. What could possibly go wrong?

A hungry shark doesn’t want to “interact.” It wants to “devour.”

Feed them politicians. Then we can call them eco-friendly.

We can do better! How about “an unpleasant encounter with a very bite-y fish?”

Look, it’s not the shark’s fault you’re so tasty. If there’s a bowl of Doritos on the table and you eat one, is that an “attack?”

From the shark’s point of view, maybe they’re just repelling a “people attack.” After all, we’re invading their space.

Sharks do what sharks gotta do. I don’t care what you want to call it. I’m staying on shore.

Writing Coach and editor-for-hire Roz Warren, who writes for everyone from the Funny Times to the New York Times, can help you improve and publish your work. Drop her a line at [email protected]. (That’s Ros with an “s,” not a “z.”)