Idea for a new TV show: The Wimbles of Wombledon
I’m going to briefly take your mind somewhere unexpected
You’ve heard of The Wombles, right? In case you haven’t, it was a British animated kids TV series in the 1970s. Here is the intro titles and theme music:
As a child, I had heard of Wimbledon due to the tennis, but I didn’t know there was a place called Wimbledon Common. This caused me to mishear the lyrics as “The Wombles of Wimbledon, common are we.” I thought it meant Wimbledon was full of loads of Wombles.
Anyway, with that out of the way, I present to you an alternative TV show:
The Wimbles of Wombledon
It focuses on a family of wimbles, which are giant stick insect type creatures with human heads, living in Wombledon, a western suburb of the metropolis known as Lettuce, the capital city of the United Republic of Maktuk, a union of the four historic nations of Inkblot, Oilstain, Jam, and Western Southsausage.
Inkblot, the largest and most populous of these nations, is the location of Lettuce and therefore Wombledon. The capitals of the other three nations are Unclepants, Cowparsley, and Bangfence.
The people of Western Southsausage are nearly always fighting with each other, usually about whether they should remain part of Maktuk, rejoin the rest of Southsausage, join the United States of Stilton, or form a new alliance with Bernard (a very strange nearby island nation inhabited mainly by people who walk backwards and talk sideways).
One of the worst areas of violent activity in Western Southsausage is in the far north of the southern half of the eastern Bangfence suburb of Cheesecakefactory. This area is ruled by a terrorist organization that nobody actually knows the name of, including its members. It is rumored that Dennis is a senior member, but he denies this.
There is only one person in Western Southsausage called Dennis. It is rumored there is another Dennis in Oilstain, but he denies this and says his name is Susan. There are no other Susans. However, there are as many as 67 people all called Terry Bumtrousers. Nobody knows why.
The people of the United Republic of Maktuk speak an estimated total of 800 different languages. However, many of these languages contain the same words, they just mean different things.
For example, in the Marzipan language, the word “perpendicular” means trousers, whereas in the Toadstool language it means elephant. Another example is the word “Moonbeam”, which in the historic far north-southern Oilstain language of Madagasket means prostitute, but in the modern West Jam language of Butterscotch, it means egg sandwich.
Laws also are very different depending on where you live. For instance, in almost the whole of Inkblot (except for the northern city of Bendypens), unicycling is illegal, whereas in Jam it is compulsory. Another example is Oboe Rock Breakdancing, which is a standard part of the school curriculum in Oilstain but incurs the death penalty in Western Southsausage.
The national sport of Maktuk is Giraffe Trampoline (?). Another popular pastime is The Human Custard Catapult, whereby people take it in turns to be catapulted through the air and then have custard flung at them by the crowd. The aim is to do it as many times as you can and get covered in as much custard as possible without vomiting. The winner gets a brand new motorized octocycle. However, ironically, there is also a prize for the most vomit, which is to spend an hour sitting in The Big Tractor.
But there is one annual activity that defies any explanation and utterly baffles everyone except the few lunatics who take part. It only takes place once a year near the small Inkblot city of Chainsaw and involves chasing jelly through the turbulent white water rapids of the Ankle Gorge. Nobody has ever caught the jelly. Nearly everyone gets smashed violently against the sharp rocks. Occasionally somebody will make it to the end of the gorge and get captured by the dragon.
The President of Maktuk is Aunt Simon, who has a rare genetic disorder that causes steam to pump out of her face 24 hours a day.
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