Dealing With Obstacles When You Write
Help is available even for uncommon challenges.
The other day I was reading an article online. Overall, I enjoyed it. There were a few things that I would change, but I thought it was interesting, and I liked it. I was curious who the author was, so I scrolled to the top of the story to see. It turned out it was me. I had no idea.
This isn’t the first time that I read something that resonated with me or that I liked, and I find out that I am the one who wrote it, yet I had no recollection of writing anything like that. I think most writers remember their writing. It’s just common sense that you would recognize something that you put a lot of effort into. But for me, if you gave me an article that I wrote, I probably wouldn’t know that I am the one who wrote it.
I can remember that I wrote something. I can remember that I sat down and took the time to compose an article. I can likely tell you when and where I penned this article. I might be able to recall what the topic of the article was.
But if you were to read the article to me, or if I read the article myself, I would not recognize it as something that I composed. I would not recognize it as something that I had ever encountered. It would be entirely foreign to me.
My inability to recall what I write is a result of having bipolar disorder. When I write, I concentrate very intensely. When I come out of that degree of concentration, I don’t recall anything I wrote while I was in such deep thought. The way my brain operates and my medication both contribute to this happening.
It’s sort of like when someone is hypnotized. When they come out of the trance, they don’t remember that they were flapping their arms and clucking like a chicken while they were hypnotized. That’s sort of how I am when I write, except I don’t act like a chicken.
Because of this glitch, I have to make a few accommodations when I write.
As writers, we are told to edit our writing a few hours or a day after we write it because we can better spot our errors and make improvements after some time has passed. That isn’t an option for me. If too much time passes before I edit, I run the risk of not recognizing my writing and not being able to stay on track with the point that I was trying to make. I am unable to edit at all because I don’t know what I was trying to say.
To prevent that from happening, I have to write an article from start to finish in one sitting. That includes drafting, editing, formatting, everything. If I take a break and too much time passes, it becomes impossible for me to pick up where I left off. I have to start over from square-one because I can’t figure out what my notes mean and what point I was trying to make.
The inability to recognize my writing isn’t something that I’ve talked about before, primarily because I don’t want anyone to think that I’m looking for a pity party. I’m not into that. I’m into solving problems, not crying about them.
Writing requires your brain to be in good shape. If it needs some tweaking, there are ways to improve your situation. Never underestimate the help of a psychiatrist or neurologist to get your brain in better shape. I think of them as fitness trainers for the brain. Caring for your brain is as important as caring for your heart.
We all have our challenges that we have to deal with; this is one of mine. There are far worse things that I could have to face in life. I’m not going to complain about something as manageable as this. I do what I can to accommodate my situation. Those who adapt will thrive.
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Linda Kowalchek is a work in progress and a member of the typewriter generation. She spends her time with her husband and her rescue cats waiting for golf balls to crash through their windows. PSA: Don’t live next to a golf course.