I Would Rather Burn in Hell Than Worship a Hateful God
Why I’ll never be Christian again.
I grew up in a vaguely-Catholic household. My parents both grew up Roman Catholic, my dad went to Catholic school at one point, and they both had immigrant grandparents who were fairly religious. That said, they were both hippies who decided to not force their religion on me, wanting me to decide for myself.
They didn’t care for that, but they tolerated my choices by not talking about it with me ever. Now I don’t talk to them at all, so at least that bit of awkwardness is behind me.
You are welcome (and encouraged!) to read that article I linked above if you are curious about how I came to be agnostic, but suffice it to say it was a short leap and a long journey if that makes any kind of sense. I don’t talk about it much because religion in America is such a fiery topic, but I am encouraged by the rise of people who are thinking critically about religion and American Christianity in particular.
That said, Evangelicals are still having their moment and I hate it. All the Evangelical preachers and god-fearing whackos preaching a get-rich-quick scam — I mean prosperity gospel — from their megachurches make me so mad. They are making themselves rich on the back of their faithful while spewing hatred and bile from their pulpits.
All of these so-called Christians talk about god’s love while simultaneously preaching hatred for queer folx, liberals, anyone who isn’t a Christian, and pretty much anyone who doesn’t conform to their narrow worldview. Last I checked, that’s a lot of people — like, “more than two-thirds of the world” a lot of people. That is an awful lot of hatred.
I do not profess to have read the Bible nor to understand its messages, but hating several billion people and condemning them to burn in hell for all eternity feels pretty un-Christlike to me. Based on my (admittedly somewhat limited) understanding of the stories of Jesus, he seemed like a pretty chill guy.
You see, from what I’ve heard, Jesus was a “love not hate” kind of guy. He said things like “love thy neighbor,” “turn the other cheek,” and “help the poor, clothe the naked, feed the hungry,” among many other things. He hung out with the dregs of society and performed acts of charity wrapped in miracles. Rather than enrich himself at the cost of his followers, he drove the money-lenders from the temple and washed his disciples’ feet.
I think you get the point I’m trying to make, however ineloquently — Jesus was the kind of guy who had endless love for mankind. Even when dying on the cross, he begged god to forgive his killers and tormentors. His love is what made his sacrifice possible.
The Christian god that I was taught growing up, and which I might follow if I hadn’t turned away from that path, was a kind god who loved all of humanity both despite and because of their flaws. People sin all the time, but we are capable of forgiveness and of being forgiven because of god’s grace and love.
The Evangelical god, on the other hand, is wrathful and cruel, damning people to hell for the sins of (checks notes) loving someone who isn’t “acceptable,” believing in equity and equality for all, clothing the naked, housing the homeless, and feeding the hungry. It feels very un-Christlike to damn someone to hell for doing things that Christ himself did.
Yes, the Evangelical god is a god of hate and cruelty, demanding conformity and absolute obedience lest you face the fires of hell forever. There is no room for mistakes with this god — you are either absolutely faithful or it’s hell for you.
Why would I worship a god like that?
Why would I worship a god that demands that I hate most of my fellow people, a god that demands that I shun those who do not believe and conform, a god that threatens hellfire for all who do not obey?
Well, I say that if your god demands that I am full of hatred, wrath, and fury to get into heaven, I’d rather burn in hell. No kind, righteous, just, and loving god would demand that I hate my fellow people, and if they did, why would I follow them? Why would I follow a religion so full of hate and bile and vitriol led by a god that commands that of their followers?
I wouldn’t and I won’t. I don’t pretend to know what exists or doesn’t in the metaphysical sense of things, but I refuse to believe that a god that created humanity in its own image would make beings that are so full of love and kindness and then command them to hate. I want to believe in a kind, loving god who sent his only son to teach love and peace, not an angry, hateful god who wants humanity to destroy itself in his name.
With this comes a bit of sadness that I will never really experience that kind, loving Christianity that I wish was more common. I am far down the path of agnosticism at this point, and while I could turn back and try to embrace some form of religion, I can’t possibly imagine myself becoming Christian again. I’ll never feel comfortable in a church and I’ll never be able to pray or worship in the way that proper Christians do.
All I can hope for is that more people like Dan Foster start standing up and preaching what I think Christianity was meant to be — a religion of love, kindness, and peace. Christianity needs more faith leaders like him.
I like to think that there is some truth in all religions. The truly divine god, an omnipotent being of infinite love and kindness, is hard for a simple human brain to fully grasp, after all, and often the best we can do is try. So, humans invented religion to help try to describe the small bits of divinity in the world — the way the sunset looks, the smell of the morning dew, and the way we experience love for our parents, partners, and friends.
Unfortunately, those who seek power will always find a way to corrupt the divine, and Christianity has been corrupted by the fundamentalist movement into a machine of hate that consumes all it touches. I refuse to feed my soul to that machine, and I hope that anyone who comes in contact with it emerges without too much trauma.
In the meantime, I’d rather devote my energy to my work doing good in the world. The Evangelicals and fundamentalists can preach their doomsday gospel all they want, but I will be doing my best to counteract their message in whatever I do. When they spew hate, I spread love. And, if for whatever reason they’re absolutely right? If when I die, I will find myself before a wrathful, hateful god who judges me harshly for my sin of not believing?
I guess I’ll see you in hell.
If you appreciate my work, why not join Medium as a paying member, which allows you access to unlimited stories (not just three free stories per month), using my referral link. You could also hit me up on KoFi if you’re feeling nice, or send a tip using the button below.
If you liked this, please subscribe to my publication, Thing a Day. I publish something every day on a variety of topics, so you never know what you’re going to see! You can also follow me on Facebook.
Read about my journey to agnosticism here:
