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1958

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t, their crowing is incessant. Sometimes you don’t notice it, sometimes you do.</p><p id="97df">Then you start listening, counting the seconds between each crow. Then it stops, and you can relax, then it starts again, until you finally go insane. The Chinese Water Torture is bad. Madness By Cockerel is worse.</p><p id="c767">I wanted to give them away, but no one wants a cockerel. Therefore, death was the only option.</p><p id="d5bb">There are various ways to kill a cockerel. But no way is particularly pleasing. You can shoot it, chop its head off, break its neck, electrocute it, bludgeon it to death, poison it, run it over, or let it go free and leave it to take its chances in the wild.</p><p id="7dc3">This is what I did, and I guess the reason why I was reported.</p><p id="07d7" type="7">“You can’t possibly let a semi-domesticated bird run free — it’ll be savaged!”</p><p id="6662">Was one angry comment.</p><p id="56db">Well, I thought, it’s either that, or it gets its neck broken. Which, as I’ve never done it before, could go wrong, leaving the bird paralysed.</p><p id="8f9e">Therefore, it seemed better to let them go free. So I drove them to a wild spot 50 miles from here (I didn’t want to take any chances of them coming back), and let them go!</p><p id="608c">I gave them a chance, and saved my sanity, which was the sensible thing to do.</p><p id="d0e4" type="7">What if they run in front of a car, and kill an entire family?</p><p id="a22c">Was another comment.</p><p id="fde8">What if they don’t?</p><p id="5dbe">What if another animal that wasn’t mine — like a wild deer — runs in front of a car and kills an entire family. Who gets the blame then? God?</p><p id="3146">I don’t know what all the fuss was about. It was just a humorous piece covering an important topic. It wasn’t even that good. I’ve had better pieces boosted. And worse pieces reported.</p><p id="9211">Unfortunately, you won’t be able to read it, because it’s b

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een removed. But, as far as I’m aware, is the only piece that’s suffered the fate of being boosted and reported at the same time.</p><p id="f970">Thanks for reading. For more satire</p><div id="cd35" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/medium-pieces-are-getting-too-long-thirty-seconds-is-enough-baf60848bd9c"> <div> <div> <h2>Medium Pieces Are Getting Too Long !</h2> <div><h3>Get a grip — short is back!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*CuWAQGRKE885XGcTHZi5sw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="3b4f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://muddyum.net/so-you-think-youre-a-comedian-1eb6e54411ef"> <div> <div> <h2>So You Think You’re a Comedian</h2> <div><h3>Why is it so hard to be funny</h3></div> <div><p>muddyum.net</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*InE0GvolNclMJhYe_Bx3DQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="ea3d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-this-publication-shut-me-out-1678d8dbefc2"> <div> <div> <h2>How This Publication Shut Me Out</h2> <div><h3>And how this could happen to you!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*vhnGpGgPUzhzX8uASisjMg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Farmyard Adventures

I Was Boosted and Reported at the Same Time

How cool is that!

REPORTED! (Photo by Ashley Jurius on Unsplash)

My article HOW TO KILL A COCKEREL: EIGHT WAYS TO RECLAIM YOUR SANITY was boosted one minute and reported the next.

The Boosted email I received congratulated me on my unique approach to mental health. While the Reported email condemned me for animal cruelty.

How did this happen?

Had there been a mix-up? Were there two different departments dealing with BOOSTING and REPORTING?

Had one boffin decided I was a genius, while another had decided I was a psychopath? And how can something be good and bad at the same time?

I understand one man’s meat as another man’s poison, but this is a writing platform with specific guidelines for what’s right and what’s not. It’s like being kicked in the nuts, then given a medal for bravery. Where’s the consistency?

But let’s get some background on the story, so you can make your own mind up.

I have two cockerels. Or roosters, as they’re referred to in N. America. Where I live, in France, they are simply referred to as Coqs. As in Coq-au-Vin.

If anyone has ever had cockerels, they are incredibly noble and loyal creatures who fawn over their hens like a eunuch fawns over his harem.

They are also a pain in the ass. From dawn to dust, their crowing is incessant. Sometimes you don’t notice it, sometimes you do.

Then you start listening, counting the seconds between each crow. Then it stops, and you can relax, then it starts again, until you finally go insane. The Chinese Water Torture is bad. Madness By Cockerel is worse.

I wanted to give them away, but no one wants a cockerel. Therefore, death was the only option.

There are various ways to kill a cockerel. But no way is particularly pleasing. You can shoot it, chop its head off, break its neck, electrocute it, bludgeon it to death, poison it, run it over, or let it go free and leave it to take its chances in the wild.

This is what I did, and I guess the reason why I was reported.

“You can’t possibly let a semi-domesticated bird run free — it’ll be savaged!”

Was one angry comment.

Well, I thought, it’s either that, or it gets its neck broken. Which, as I’ve never done it before, could go wrong, leaving the bird paralysed.

Therefore, it seemed better to let them go free. So I drove them to a wild spot 50 miles from here (I didn’t want to take any chances of them coming back), and let them go!

I gave them a chance, and saved my sanity, which was the sensible thing to do.

What if they run in front of a car, and kill an entire family?

Was another comment.

What if they don’t?

What if another animal that wasn’t mine — like a wild deer — runs in front of a car and kills an entire family. Who gets the blame then? God?

I don’t know what all the fuss was about. It was just a humorous piece covering an important topic. It wasn’t even that good. I’ve had better pieces boosted. And worse pieces reported.

Unfortunately, you won’t be able to read it, because it’s been removed. But, as far as I’m aware, is the only piece that’s suffered the fate of being boosted and reported at the same time.