Personal Development| Mental Health| Self-confidence
I was Ashamed to Declare That I have been Laid Off from Work
Now I know why.
I started my education in school for the second time, once in my home country, and then in the U.S. in the hopes to achieve the American Dream. My journey started after my kid was born. My baby was only six months old when I started going to college. I have always been a sincere and hardworking student. Two years of community college and then 4–5 years of school thereafter.
It was a roller coaster for me. I did well for most of the time but many times I doubted about the decision I had made…that is, to take a big leap as such and do something meaningful about my time. I wanted to be happy doing something short-term like a short course so that I can be with my baby more.
My mistake — I listened to my partner’s suggestion. He wanted me to go big and he assured me that everything will be alright. He was confident in my abilities. Not that I wasn’t, but something inside kept telling me that I shouldn’t be doing this or rather do something else that I really wanted to do.
For some time, I enjoyed the journey. I am a student at heart; I like to learn but I realized much later that I should’ve listened to my own voice about the choice I had made. There came a point where I wanted to give up. It became too overwhelming for me and I cried a lot. We had fights about why I should keep going or shouldn’t. I kept going.
A little fast forward later, I finished school and got a decent job. I entered the big corporate world. Now I was supposed to be a fit in the society, culture. It went well for 3 years; I was doing very well at work. But unbeknownst that I was also suffering from depression.
After five years of work, I was laid off with a few other colleagues. This was before the quarantine and all. There was a major reorganization in my company. I had mixed emotions about this event. I was surprised to feel relieved and ashamed at the same time.
My partner was supportive at first but later it was concluded that it was my fault that I could not keep my job. Depression worsened for me. I did not want to work anymore. Mentally I had become weaker and so physically. I lost confidence in myself because I was beating myself up.
We were ashamed to tell our friends that I was laid off from my job and not working anymore or rather “not fit” to work. What’s the shame in telling others about your mishap?
It took to me 2 years to recover from everything and get back on my feet. I meditated a lot and it saved me.
Why did I put myself through such misery?
I was very naive then or foolish. I succumbed to bullshit rules — Brules, as Vishen Lakhiani has termed these in his popular book “The code of Extraordinary Mind.” You know, it’s a culture crap, as I like to call it. The “want” to fit in — The rat race, the nonsensical beliefs that we carry as a burden on our shoulders. We allow other people to judge our worth because we judge ourselves. We allow others to make decisions for us, it’s a terrible mistake.
“The people making you feel guilty for going your own way and choosing your own life are simply saying, ‘Look at me. I’m better than you because my chains are bigger.’
- Vishen Lakhiani, The Code of the Extraordinary Mind: 10 Unconventional Laws to Redefine Your Life and Succeed On Your Own Terms
Life lessons I learned from not-so-good phase of my life
- Listen to yourself — I have learned to recognize and be adamant of what I feel is better for me. I have learned to trust my intuition. It is always right.
- Be proud of yourself — Only I know what is good for me, and I will do it no matter what the consequences are. I take full responsibility. I work hard, and I am proud of myself.
- You are unique, so you are precious — I am not some tiny creature without any significance. Whatever my actions, big or small, they have the power to change the world. I am a divine creation with unique talents to offer.
- Don’t be harsh on yourself — It is human to get into the negative spiral of thoughts when something sucks. I was being very harsh on myself, so I learned that it is no use blaming myself or others. The change starts with me and nothing else. A quiet introspection led me to this revelation.
- Don’t hide, celebrate yourself — I learned there is no threat in expressing yourself freely. I learned to say what I really do or think when people ask questions about me. I am not implying that you should disclose everything but being authentic and not hiding for the fear of being judged. Being sincere in your talks connects you more to the right people.
“Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Bernard Baruch
- Be compassionate — I forgive myself for I put myself in grievous situations. I have started loving myself more. So, I forgive others as well. I accept myself fully with all my idiosyncrasies.
Why R.I.P after you have lived your life? I want to live and rest peacefully while I sip on my life moment by moment.
