LIFE LESSONS
I Was a Passenger on Air Force Grandma
The turbulence was hell - so I brainstormed solutions for the 30-second read rule conundrum to calm myself
Firstly, congratulations to Grandma Smillew for reaching 747 followers and taking to the heavens in celebration.
I managed to score a seat courtesy of a bespectacled shady-looking hawker out the front of Wichita Dwight D. Eisenhower National Airport in neighboring Kansas. His asking price was egregious, yet I was determined to cash in on this once-in-a-grandma’s-lifetime opportunity.
Despite paying a sky-high ticket price for row 86F I enjoyed very few perks once on board. Being shunted to the back of the plane and served lukewarm cocoa wasn’t my idea of silver service even in cattle class. I think it was microwaved.
Using my Boller & Chivens telescope I spied her grandson Smillew sitting in first class, bubbles in hand, enjoying a wide array of inflight entertainment options. I remained humble, filling out a centenarian-themed crossword using my complimentary grey lead pencil, and playing Scattergories with one of Grandma’s high school pals from the class of 1898.
The turbulence after take-off had me losing my shit (and dignity) as my toupee came within a hair’s breadth of going overboard. I repeated my healing chakra affirmations and distracted myself by thinking up ways the 30-second read ratio schema mash could be tweaked.
The new algorithm was designed to disincentivize the usage of clickbait headers, yet poetry and/or content under 300 words in length are (in my opinion) inadvertently devalued. These stories may end up with unusually low read ratios even if creators are delivering well-written content.
Think about accidental clicks - should there not be a ‘grace view’ of sorts? If readers click in and out within 30 seconds then this shouldn’t count as a view. As it stands, if somebody unintentionally lands on an article and swipes back to the main page, this has a tangible financial ripple effect for writers and it’s vehemently unfair.
If a reader clicks on the same story twice (by virtue they’ve ‘spent’ their grace view) and opts to flee, only then should it count as an empty view.
There are innumerable reasons why people click away upon first view -
- They may want to read the full story yet receive an impromptu phone call from their grandma
- They’re on public transport and hastily exit a crowded train or bus
- Their boss catches them on their phone during work hours and they chuck it back in their bag
Add in a thousand more scenarios like this and the inclusion of a grace view makes a lot of sense.
A counterargument to this goes something along the lines of -
Well, if you truly wanted to read the story, you’d get back to it once you have spare time
This doesn’t wash. Unless you follow them and/or they’re a well-known creator you’d need an eidetic memory to recall the title (or even the author’s name) as you probably read countless articles daily 🧐.
Half a minute is also a long time if you’re a superb skimmer or want to digest key information quickly. Medium has garnered a wondrous reputation for housing stories lined with concise well-crafted content. The onus is now on the reader to ‘be good’ and stay longer than intended if they’ve finished a great piece of micro-fiction or an edifying listicle.
Thus, the time threshold could easily be reduced to 20 seconds, coupled with a grace view scheme. If these changes were implemented Carlo Zeno won’t have to keep driving his shitbox down to the Clap Farm and Grandma Smillew may take flight with more celebratory joyrides.
As I fastened my seatbelt for landing and slung my head over a sickbag another pertinent question hit me - when is word-for-word AI-generated garbage going to be addressed?
© Edward Swafford 2023 All Rights Reserved.