I Want to Be Happy on Rainy Days
Don’t wait for happiness season. There’s none
Today is Friday. For the last seven days, life has only got worse. Not horrible, but not great.
Last Saturday, one of my twin daughters complained about headaches. She had had a running nose for a few days and started to experience taste and smell loss. We tried her with Camembert — very French indeed! She swallowed a cube of cheese without a single frowning.
She is a hyper-sensitive kid who cannot stand vinegar or cheese fragrances within her nostrils reach — a fair 10ft range. That day, she ate a full piece of smelly cheese. Scary! We proceeded to blind-test her with a spoon of vinegar. To be sure. And for the fun of it, I must say. No reaction again.
That’s when I knew our week was sinking into cold waters.
I tried to book a COVID-test online but was given an appointment for the next Tuesday. School told us to switch to homeschooling for any suspicious case, and related children, until a negative result proof could be provided. The entire family was sentenced back to quarantine!
Good for us, I am a freelancer and my husband, a solo-entrepreneur-in-progress. That means we don’t need to ask anybody’s permission to keep our daughters home. That also means we’ll have to postpone our work, one more time. 2020 has not been very productive for entrepreneurs so far. Well, 2020 has been shit for everybody so far. Let’s be honest!
In January, I quit my middle-manager position in a renowned institution to start my own business. It was about time to write this book about my journey in life through disability and top-level sports, after years of repetitive requests from friends and family.
My plan was clear: a semester to write, another to edit and land a contract as I was working out conference opportunities to talk about empowerment, disability, happiness, and resilience. I am far behind my ideal schedule, and most corporate events have been cancelled for the rest of the year. Hope not for the rest of life!
Because we are not scared of significant changes, my husband also left the IT company he was working with as a business manager. He went to follow his long dream of becoming a baker. His plan was to open an organic bakery in North London in early 2021. While the world was falling apart, he managed to complete his entire training program in the South of France, prepare his business plans, and get everything ready for us to leave by the end of the year.
Except, there are no buyers on the market for our lovely house. Except, England’s sanitary environment is a mess — not to blame, the entire world is a sanitary mess. Except, we fall in between interstices in banking systems due to Brexit and pandemic’s delays.
Rainy days. Our property wasn’t visited once for the last two weeks. Yesterday, another bank denied my husband a short-term loan. We are still waiting for the test results to come in. I am also getting sick, feel super tired, and can’t focus on my work. Rainy days.
I am not one to stare at life’s dirt and dark sidewalks, though. I have been through a lot already and know, way too much, that light always comes back.
Happiness is a journey, not a goal. Success is a commitment, not a strike of destiny.
We never thought our entrepreneurial journey would be easy. Nothing we have today has been an easy catch. Not even getting pregnant that took us three years of fruitless and somewhat desperate trials.
When a rainy morning rises, then, I step out to sing in the rain. I let drops pouring on my face, rinsing me off, and regenerating my mood. I pull motivation out of the cold mist. I listen to the wind and let him chase away the dark thoughts. Every time Einaudi’s piano plays Drop for my ears only. Every time comfort rushes through my open arms fetching arrows of hope and happiness into my heart.
There is always a reason to hope, keep up the happy face, and remain positive. Even if it is the tiniest reason. There is a bright side of the street, even if I have to swimmers upstream to reach it. It’s a matter of vision. Of visualization, sometimes.
Today, I took one of these moments. A time to reflect on what’s happening in our life. A time to ponder bad and good to find the right balance. That’s when I figured out that delays protect us from worst-case scenarios, including a new lockdown after our investments are finalized.
We are healthy. Our daughters have no learning or comprehension troubles, they won’t suffer from a week of school exclusion. They might have learned more at home than they would have in their classroom.
My book progresses slower than I expected. Writing a personal essay in 2020 environment is quite a hurdle. But I gained new perspectives as I had more time to think. I also learned a lot on side projects and courses and books I would never have read in the previous world.
I hustled into blogging in English, without any specific goals in the beginning, but I realized writing in a foreign language was enhancing skills in my native one too. Looking back to where I was in January as a writer, I feel much more confident now. And proud of what I do.
An hour ago, I got a phone call to book me for a keynote job. Call it, synchronicity! My agent wanted a confirmation of my capacity to deliver a full-English speech. I don’t think I would have given him such a confident “yes” six months ago.
My French blog is also growing fast and steady. Why? Because I spend energy to engage with other influencers and share views on women’s rights, diversity and equality. I committed to online networking and specific content creation to serve my needs.
This is not yet paying bills for sure. But when I watch carefully, I can tell my career is moving on. I can see change and reasons to be proud of me.
Hang tight for everyday life, sings my favourite band. I love this line. No matter how long or dark is the tunnel, hang tight and keep moving.
Twenty years ago, I spent ninety days on a hospital bed without permission to stand or sit. Just lay here, staring at the ceiling. Last year, I underwent another challenging surgery and a long subsequent rehab. All I could think of was: hang tight to the tiny rays of light!
Hang tight to the small bits of hope! Hang tight to a laugh, a hand caressing yours, a reason to believe in tomorrow.
When you can’t see any reason to believe in tomorrow, write them down anyway — every single day. Hope will show up. Trust me.
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I am a writer, speaker, Paralympian, mother of twins, and constant dreamer. I earned bronze in singles and doubles in Beijing 2008 as a wheelchair tennis player.