Free AI web copilot to create summaries, insights and extended knowledge, download it at here

Abstract

e of making your world brighter. A lesson entrenched in my upbringing. In many ways, making it confusing I attracted myself to the opposite.</p><p id="f3b9">An individual who didn’t derive joy in making me happy.</p><p id="870d"><b>In my family, it’s second nature. </b>We’re always thinking about one another. Not intentionally. We can’t help ourselves. We worry about strangers. How can we lose sight of one another?</p><p id="0e21"><b>We see the people we love everywhere.</b> We remember them. Who they are. What do they enjoy? What they love. I think the best way to put it is this…</p><p id="f47d"><i>They are always on our minds.</i></p><p id="8123">My husband was the opposite.</p><p id="fa93"><b>He didn’t think of me and he talked me out of being me.</b> If I loved holidays he said I was silly. If I loved chocolate he told me it was a bad habit. If I wrote an article he never read it.</p><p id="5ddb"><i>It wasn’t intuitive to celebrate another person.</i></p><p id="c26f"><b>We have differences. </b>I get it. It’s expected. But despite this, we often lower that resistance to see a smile across the face of the one we love. We buy them some coveted item we wish they would abandon. We surprise them with an adventure we would otherwise avoid.</p><p id="36ca">Because we love them.</p><p id="4a0c"><b>Which makes us love a part of who they are.</b></p><p id="2a25"><i>Even if it seems foreign to us.</i></p><p id="b79c">My mom cherished a Jane Austen quote, “Where love is there is no labor.” After she passed away, I found another version scribbled in her old address book.</p><p id="0b59"><i>“Where there is love there is no labor.”</i></p><p id="cef4">Fewer words have been more descriptive.</p><p id="758e"><b>It was hard for my husband to make me happy.</b> A girl who gets as much joy from a ten-dollar wine glass as from a diamond trinket. Or who loves silly unexpected things like going to movies back to back. It was so much work for him.</p><p id="eee5"><b>It used to upset me but these days…</b></p><p id="77e3"><i>I feel sorry he didn’t grow up surrounded by people who worried about strangers.</i></p><p id="1dff">Who could’ve taught him love isn’t so hard.</p><p id="0a64">If you take in your surroundings.</p><p id="f703"><i>If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/membership">become a Medium member.</a> For just $5 a month you will

Options

get unlimited access to Medium.</i></p><div id="65d0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/i-was-fighting-for-my-marriage-ca69ff8ddbcc"> <div> <div> <h2>I Was Fighting for My Marriage</h2> <div><h3>Why you should never use this phrase</h3></div> <div><p>colleenorme.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*IBX1efw6ehfVqRPQ2xK_iw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="abee" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-starbucks-explained-my-marital-problems-ebf4bf69c3d6"> <div> <div> <h2>How Starbucks Explained My Marital Problems</h2> <div><h3>One cup of coffee held a greater relationship truth</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*e8OP9OPjwRJLmBThFSffFQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="69db" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-gave-my-husband-too-many-chances-b15abe48e42a"> <div> <div> <h2>I Gave My Husband Too Many Chances</h2> <div><h3>Why do we stay with those who hurt us?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Q2bYexUQC-69EI-z6gBNEQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="bf6f" class="link-block"> <a href="https://colleenorme.medium.com/a-vow-made-me-stay-married-accf57a55d80"> <div> <div> <h2>A Vow Made Me Stay Married</h2> <div><h3>If we were dating I would have run</h3></div> <div><p>colleenorme.medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*ubcxVJ6e-Hi0fKOnlT_0lA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I Want a Man Who Wants Me to Be Happy

Sounds crazy I know

In my ex-husband’s defense, I come from a family of first responders. It’s an intuitive side effect to ensure a person’s well-being. We take in our surroundings.

Are you okay? Can I get you anything? How can I make this better?

I’m attempting to explain why it took a long time…A really, really long time. To realize my husband derived ZERO satisfaction out of seeing me happy.

My family was obsessed with making sure you were breathing. I married a man who didn’t notice if you weren’t.

I know, not a good match.

But honey, it takes years to figure that out.

Don’t go all damsel in distress on me. I’m not looking to be rescued. Or kept. Or captivated. Or for someone to meet all of my needs. Honestly, that sounds exhausting.

There’s a reason I attracted myself to the opposite.

I never wanted too much attention. I liked doing my own thing. I didn’t want to feel suffocated. I never liked guys who paid too much attention to me.

But I do want someone who gets joy out of seeing me happy. In my twenties, I didn’t understand what this meant. I thought it was having a few laughs next to the keg at a college party. Or hanging out with your buddies at the Jersey Shore.

My college boyfriend/bestie was right there with me.

We were smiling in unison.

We were happy. I wasn’t looking for him to do anything but hang out with me. I confidently didn’t need much. I stand behind this…still. I have no qualms I needed little from him.

But I do have a misgiving.

I regret not understanding sometimes you DO need people. Someone you love is capable of making your world brighter. A lesson entrenched in my upbringing. In many ways, making it confusing I attracted myself to the opposite.

An individual who didn’t derive joy in making me happy.

In my family, it’s second nature. We’re always thinking about one another. Not intentionally. We can’t help ourselves. We worry about strangers. How can we lose sight of one another?

We see the people we love everywhere. We remember them. Who they are. What do they enjoy? What they love. I think the best way to put it is this…

They are always on our minds.

My husband was the opposite.

He didn’t think of me and he talked me out of being me. If I loved holidays he said I was silly. If I loved chocolate he told me it was a bad habit. If I wrote an article he never read it.

It wasn’t intuitive to celebrate another person.

We have differences. I get it. It’s expected. But despite this, we often lower that resistance to see a smile across the face of the one we love. We buy them some coveted item we wish they would abandon. We surprise them with an adventure we would otherwise avoid.

Because we love them.

Which makes us love a part of who they are.

Even if it seems foreign to us.

My mom cherished a Jane Austen quote, “Where love is there is no labor.” After she passed away, I found another version scribbled in her old address book.

“Where there is love there is no labor.”

Fewer words have been more descriptive.

It was hard for my husband to make me happy. A girl who gets as much joy from a ten-dollar wine glass as from a diamond trinket. Or who loves silly unexpected things like going to movies back to back. It was so much work for him.

It used to upset me but these days…

I feel sorry he didn’t grow up surrounded by people who worried about strangers.

Who could’ve taught him love isn’t so hard.

If you take in your surroundings.

If you would like to read more of my stories and support me as a writer, consider signing up to become a Medium member. For just $5 a month you will get unlimited access to Medium.