Satire
I Unreferred 99 Members Last Month, and Medium Wants Me to Pay For It
The hidden truth behind Medium’s Referral Program

So many writers on the platform complain they didn’t get money from the referral program yet, and it makes me irk irk irk. You know what, people? Be happy about it.
Here’s my situation
My stories are so bad people are CANCELLING their Medium membership after reading them. And Medium wants me to pay for it.

It all began in August
It all began in August when two readers discontinued their Medium membership because of this story.
In September, the Smillew Writers Challenge cost Medium two more members. In October and November, the same problem.
Then in December, I published a story explaining how one-clappers are screwing over writers, and Medium lost 99 more members. At that point, Ev left a private note.
(I copy-paste the text below because it’s not so practical to read it in the screenshot of proof I keep handy if needed. I censored the swear words.)
What the actual f*ck, Smillew? You lost us SEVEN members since the start of the f*cking referral program. We let it go because it was the beginning, and my team finds you very funny, especially the VP of Editing, Mrs. Rahcuef.
But in December, you lost ninety f*cking nine members. Do you think money grows on Twitter? It has to stop. It doesn’t matter that Mr. Rahcuef, our VP of legal, says we can’t do that. I’m f*cking doing it. Next month, if you lose us some more members, you’ll have to pay for the loss of income opportunity. UNDERSTOOD?
So, here’s the deal.
So far in January, 44 members resigned after reading my stories.
My MRL (Monthly Recurring Loss) is at $454.00. My other side hustles aren’t profitable yet. Honestly, they aren’t even existing. Bitcoin is down 73% since I bought some with my grandma’s 401k. And no one wants to buy my NFTs.
My situation is dire.
I need your help.
Could you maybe paste my referral link instead of yours at the end of your next stories? It might help me come back closer to zero, and maybe Ev will let it go. It would mean the world to me.
If you couldn’t paste my referral link because of poor computer skills, it would be great if you could clap for this story; every little help counts.
Thanks to Liam M for his inspiring comment on this article. Here’s a story by Liam as a thank you. (But don’t use his referral link to become a Medium member, folks! Come back to this article and use MINE).
