I Thought Being a Single Father Meant Wearing Superman’s Cape

How self-improvement took me away from my uniqueness

A few years ago (maybe a few decades ago, I’m getting old), I read Napoleon Hill’s The Law of Success. One of the best self-improvement books ever written. After that, I read Tony Robbins’ work and many other authors. And it gave me the right perspective about the tools we have at our disposal to succeed.

After devouring almost every self-improvement book available on the market, I felt like an authentic comic book hero.

I was using a protective shield that cushioned me from all the strokes given by life. Some of which seem to have been provided by Thor’s hammer.

At the age of 18, I had to deal with a severe degenerative disease that put my mother in a wheelchair. At the age of 27, I started dragging my father to the hospital with severe asthmatic bronchitis. At the age of 31, my first business went wrong, and I was broke. At 36, my father’s business also fell apart. At 39, I got divorced with two daughters at my expense. At the age of 42, my father passed away, and I stayed with my mother at my responsibility.

And as crazy as I am, at 44, I left the real estate business and became a full-time writer.

Not everything is terrible because I actually have a wonderful ex-wife. We are friends now and help each other with the kids. I live in the same building as my mom, so I stay close to her every day. And I did keep my business in real estate, part-time, to pay my bills. Fortunately, I’m in a stable situation.

Yet, when I decided to fulfill my dream of being a full-time writer, I started reflecting on my life. And staying long periods at home made me have long conversations with my closest friends.

It’s ironic and funny at the same time; you live your life in a YOLO (you only live once) style and have no time to practice deep thinking. But when you’re stuck at home, writing about life, you start having a strange feeling in your body and mind.

I think my YOLO lifestyle was stopped by the pandemic. For the good or bad, my comic book shield disappeared, and I started to feel things I didn’t feel decades ago.

Was I moving toward my true uniqueness?

You Can Do It if You Believe You Can

The wise Napoleon Hill said:

“Skepticism is the deadly enemy of progress and self-development.”

As I was improving my superpowers as a unique hero facing the adversities of life, I heard the voice of the wise Napoleon whispering in my ear.

Hill always had the art of empowering people with his narrative. He proved that endless and immortal energy comes from our deep thoughts. The human mind is an infinite source of willpower, he shared. But fear is the main reason for poverty, failure, and misery in different forms.

“The development of self-confidence begins with the elimination of the demon called fear, who sits on the man’s shoulder and whispers in his ear: ‘You cannot do it — you are afraid to try — you are afraid of public opinion — you are afraid of failing — fear of not being able.’”

Life sucks.

An unknown entity releases us into this world without any pity or compassion. Most of the time, not even the shaky education given by our parents protects us from the avalanche of misfortunes that life offers.

Until someone like Napoleon Hill comes along to give us the perfect armor. Only at that moment, when we wear the super-powerful garment, can we rise in life and scream out loud.

Life goes on its way, and we, those with encrypted minds, continue to triumph over the challenges of life. We keep unaffected by the unpleasantness and bitterness of the day.

We are the epiphany of man after the Industrial Revolution. The electricity, the internal combustion engine, and the telephone left us in awe and brought out the light hidden under the darkness.

Nowadays, we are again riding for another technological revolution. We’re ignited by those who give fear to scorn, trampling it in favor of progress.

I was one of its projects. I was a fearless man. I also was designed to crush fear toward success.

On my white horse with wings, I went marching decade after decade for life, never stumbling over the fragility of the human being. I kept haughty and positive, a real example of progressive masculinity. I was strong in convictions and relentless in challenges.

Yet, a potent feeling triggered the dark side of Napoleoners’ success. Some Darth Vader made the call and I, distracted, answered it. I was caught in the curve; without waiting in the least, I tripped and fell.

When I got up, I was on another planet. I felt pain, fear, cold, insecurity, longing, and pity.

In this new world, I didn’t know how to live. I had never been taught to suffer.

But did I survive? Did I meet someone in this new world? Someone who could support me and teach me the new rules of the game?

Uniqueness Is What Makes You the Most Beautiful

In the second lockdown, I was able to do long walks in the nearby woods. My friend Bruno and I spent at least two hours walking every single day. That was our therapy. Hearing the birds, walking in the rain, breathing clean air, and then returning back home.

Those two hours with Bruno taught me several things. My friend is a brighter mind. He read all the classic books you can imagine. He’s a biology teacher and also writes for a local newspaper.

We are so different about life itself. Bruno is insecure, sensitive, and has a lot of compassion. I’m more like Tony Robbins, always emanating self-confidence and sharing the laws of success with all my fragile friends.

Those thousands of hours we spent together made me rethink my posture. Entering into deep thinking with Bruno led to a different world. A period more in line with those remote times when I didn’t wear my superpowered armor.

Somehow, my dear friend explained something to me, with the most tremendous respect and affection. He said one of the reasons I felt emptiness had to do with this invisible barrier that I had created.

He understood why I had to create this fortress that protected me from the vicissitudes of life. But he asked me carefully to take a look at the other side of things. A place where we confront all the weaknesses, but where we also find love, affection, and passion.

I found myself unable to sleep. I realized that after the divorce, I got away from so many people. Friends who could give me back that wonderful feeling of unconditional love. To feel that chill in your belly again for the first kiss.

At night, in bed, looking at the ceiling of my room, everything seemed more evident. I realized that I had to remove the armor almost glued to my skin. If I didn’t remove it, I would risk not feeling passion for another person anymore.

Now the armor is in the garage. I walk freely through the streets, full of fears and insecurities. But free and full of hope that passion will return one day without barriers, masks, or protection.

I realized, through my friend Bruno, that life is not only learned from books. I knew that the world didn’t need many super-men. What we need are superhumanized people. And that was what I learned during my confinement escapades.

The pandemic didn’t lock me down. It did set me free.

Final Thought

My ex-wife, Ana, and I alternate the weeks we are with our daughters. We live five minutes away from each other, and the city is small, so everything is more manageable.

Being a single parent is always a challenge. Since I had to take care of my parents from an early age, it didn’t cost me having to clean the house and take care of my princesses alone.

After approaching my uniqueness, it seems that I became an even more present father. Not in the sense of giving affection to my daughters. But in the importance of listening to them with a different attitude. And also to share my fears and anxieties with them, something that didn’t happen before.

I found myself listening to the advice of two beautiful creatures. Sometimes we assume children don’t know us well. Yet, we forget that they observe us 24/7, 365 days a year.

I rediscovered things about myself seen in my daughters’ eyes.

With the help of my daughters and my friend Bruno, I’m building my ship to navigate new oceans. I want to find on the other side of the great blue sea a new world.

It doesn’t matter what awaits me. I’ll go on the discovery trip with all my fears. Always hoping to find something on the other side that surprises me. The strength of my arms only serves to row hard, on the way to the unknown, searching for my uniqueness.

If I find it, I will have new discoveries waiting for me, and that is all that matters.

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