I Think My Dog Is Trying To Go Viral
Daddy! Daddy! It’s all about the sniffs!
I wish I had my dog’s drive. My 5-year-old black lab, Willow, wants to be famous. Nothing else explains it. She attacks her future fame like a bacon-flavored rawhide bone. If I had half her dedication, I’d have 100K followers, but I’m more like the cat.
She never misses a day of posting.
Every night, when it’s social media time, she gives us that LOOK and furious tail wag that says “Let’s go! Put your shoes on! Let’s go! Put your shoes on!” She’s relentless, and if you don’t comply she will look at you and cock her head forty-five degrees to the right. “What don't you understand?” Don’t get in the way of her career.
If she doesn’t post, she won’t get the sniffs.
She saves up her posts all day.
Seriously, I don’t know where she puts them, but she’s got something for every social media outlet, whether it’s a fire hydrant, street sign, mailbox, rock, or interesting tree. Her favorite media outlet is the telephone switch box a couple of blocks away. She always wants to stop and smell the updates and leave a message of her own.
She outworks the cat 10 to 1.
Charlie relies on his looks and puts no work into his career. He thinks that just because he’s super fluffy and gorgeous that everything will come to him. Sure, his tuxedo is sharp, but looks will only get him so far.
She watches her figure.
I used to worry that Willow’s ambition had led to an eating disorder. She skips meals. Sometimes she will have breakfast for dinner, or leave her dinner until dinner the next night. I finally accepted that she is just more disciplined than me. She maintains an exact and perfect 65 pounds, never going up or down by more than a pound at her wellness checks. I wish that I could self-regulate as she does. In contrast, Charlie’s favorite meals are 2nd dinner, late afternoon snack, 2nd breakfast, and brunch.
She DOES NOT like that B***** next door!
I don’t know what happened between the two of them. She likes every other cat, dog, and human she’s ever met. Maybe it’s because she’s another lab? Cats aren’t thrilled with Willow, except for Charlie who’s too lazy to care, but whatever. Maybe there’s just no room for two divas on the block.
She appreciates her fans.
She wants to stop and talk to every dog or person she meets when she’s out surfing the neighborhood. She never turns down a selfie!
Brian E. Wish works as a quality engineer in the aerospace industry. He has spent 29 years active and reserve in the US Air Force, where he holds the rank of Colonel. He has a bachelor’s from the US Air Force Academy, a master’s from Bowie State, and a Ph.D. in Public and Urban Administration from UT Arlington. The opinions expressed here are his own. Learn more at brianewish.com.
