I Suspended Reality for a Weekend, and This is What Happened

To everyone drowning in stress and worry right now.

I waved goodbye to my children from the driveway as they left for a visit to their dad’s house. I came inside my now-quiet home and decided to suspend reality for just a little while. I wouldn’t balance my checkbook or endlessly rehash my budget. I wouldn’t search endlessly through freelance writing positions or look for miscellaneous paid work. I’d let the worry go — if only for the space of a weekend.

I took myself out to the hot tub I purchased as a celebratory gift to myself the year before when I paid off some debt and met a life goal. At the time, I had no idea what was coming. I was managing my chronic illness, and I never — not in a million years — would have imagined that I would lose a job because of that illness and its worsening symptoms. The world was my oyster — or it was at least a hot tub surrounded by twinkling lights.

I soaked in the hot tub while reading a holiday romance and occasionally responding to text messages. When all my troubles had finally melted away and my tense shoulders began to relax, I decided to go inside to continue my evening. Cozy pajamas followed a quick shower. I stir-fried up my favorite affordable meal — Thai noodles with whatever vegetables I have on hand cooked in soy sauce and sesame oil. I curled up and began watching a show that caught my eye. Later, I went to bed blissfully early and slept the sleep of those with no worries, no mounting debt, and no fear that the sky would imminently fall.

I woke up that Saturday morning determined to spend the whole weekend in this state of suspended reality. I spent the day in pajamas and went from coffee in the morning to wine in the evening with books, television, and the occasional hot tub soak. I didn’t want to exercise or achieve. I didn’t want to plan yet another way to close the widening gap in my budget. I just wanted to give myself a couple of days to let go of it all and … be. I just wanted to exist and enjoy that existence without anxiety gnawing me from the inside out.

Here’s What I Learned

There are a few things that I learned from living in this suspended state where reality was kept outside the door. It turned out to be an incredibly valuable learning opportunity. This is what I discovered.

The Healing Power of Sensory Pleasures & Cozy Comforts

I decided to cultivate a cozy vibe for the weekend. I’d light candles at the start of my day and keep them burning until I went to bed. I kept the lights low, and when I wasn’t watching television, I found soothing playlists to add as gentle background noise. I wore my softest pajamas and my coziest slippers, and I curled up on the couch with a blanket, my dog, and two kittens for much of the day.

I found sensory comforts everywhere. In hot coffee paired with a slice of buttered toast in the morning. In the flicker of candles as the fragrance filled the room. In the snuggling warmth of my pets pressing closer to my side. In the crackle and heat of my faux fireplace. In the glow of holiday lights on my tree. In the taste of simple meals prepared quietly. In the contrast of cold air as I slid into the heat of my hot tub. I fully relaxed for the first time in months.

I Could Breathe Again

Some people will tell us that we can never stop hustling and grinding when we’re struggling. They’ll say we just have to keep pushing no matter how badly we feel. But I can tell you from experience that doing this will break down our immune system and eat away at our mental health. I’ve been doing the rise-and-grind routine for months. I’ve pushed. I’ve tried. I’ve spent hours every day trying to make my life work and my budget balance. And the stress has been eating me alive.

With the worries suspended, I could breathe again. I could take a full inhale and release the weight I was carrying. My bills didn’t disappear. A whole new one arrived for a plumbing emergency I’d had on my property recently. My financial situation might not have gotten better while I took an hour soaking my bones and relieving my stress, but my mental health certainly improved as I took some time off from being one big ball of writhing anxiety.

I Felt Renewed

A weekend of relaxing didn’t suddenly make all the stress go away, but it has helped me feel a little more able to manage it all. Being able to rest and forget about all my worries even for a brief period was a wonderful reset.

What’s interesting is that I could do basic household tasks over the weekend and not feel like it was an added stressor. Because I was so incredibly relaxed, I would load the dishwasher singing to a tune on my playlist or do a load of laundry in between soaks in the hot tub. I could get things done around my house without feeling like I was choking on the level of responsibility I had on my plate. It helped me feel capable — for the first time in ages.

I Need to Make This a Priority

The biggest takeaway from my weekend was that I need more days where I let go of the stress and worry about my situation. I need more time when I can focus on what feels good and do the small things to take care of my house and health. I need to put some boundaries around how much of my life I devote to grinding, hustling, and endlessly trying. I need to put a limit on how many times I review my budget and how often I sit down and apply for extra work.

I need to make self-care a bigger priority in my life. I need time that I can spend with my children without feeling the anxiety mounting around me. I’ve got to learn to be a person who is present in my life without constantly waiting for the next shoe to drop. I am doing my best; it has to be enough because it’s all I have.

I Have to Ask for Help

I’ve been drowning here. I’ve spent day after day barely keeping my head above water, and it feels like no one can see how frantically I’m trying to survive. I have to ask for help even when it’s hard because I cannot keep going this way and keep my sanity intact.

So, I took a quick break from my pajama time and drove to a food bank that was handing out turkeys and canned goods to families in need. I cringed when I pulled up because there was a crowd of people all eager to help but all too interested in the fact that I needed it. I’d have much preferred a smaller welcoming committee and less of a religious push during pickup. Still, I had to admit that I needed help and help was being offered — even if the process of getting help is often humiliating in ways the helpers likely don’t intend.

I tried not to let it leave a bitter taste in my mouth as I pulled away. I focused on gratitude. I remembered that I’m doing everything in my power to take care of my family, and if that requires me asking for help, I’ll do it. Because that’s in my power, too.

Back to Reality

I couldn’t stay in a state of suspended reality forever. My children came home from their weekend away. I began to feel the Sunday scaries creeping up as I considered the upcoming work week and the gap that I would need to close in my budget to meet my obligations. Suddenly, a weight pressed down on my shoulders, and my weekend of relaxing was over.

Instead, I have a week coming up where I’ll need to practice more self-care. Reality is settling in, but I’m determined to approach it differently. I think about my coffee routine and how I can better savor it. I’ve got some ideas on how to make the rushed morning out the door for school a little more calming. I’ve considered ways to take better care of myself when stress starts invading my every thought because I know, deep down, that I am doing my best.

I’m not perfect, and I know there are days I will lose to anxiety if I’m not careful. But I am trying my best to take this relaxed weekend and learn from it. I felt the way my body released the tension. I remember how easily I smiled and laughed. I’m intent on approaching the week with calm and ease — and hopefully, with a little less worry.

I’ll have to work in mindful moments and cozy comforts wherever and whenever possible. Because I know one thing for sure: We can’t carry around this much anxiety without ultimately paying a price with our physical and mental health. That price is far too high, and none of us can truly afford to pay it. It’s time to find a new way of being that is less about doing — and more about finding comfort and small joys in these difficult times.