MENTAL HEALTH

I See You, Mara. Come Have Tea.

Invite your fears to tea. Offer them a cookie and have a chat.

Are you familiar with the story of Siddhartha Gautama, who later became Buddha, and the demon, Mara?

Mara continually tried to stray Siddhartha away from his path to enlightenment by acting as a serpent of sorts. Again and again, Mara offered him distractions — lust, greed, anger, and doubt.

Siddhartha remained firm though. Mara persisted, but instead of driving him away or ignoring him, Buddha calmly acknowledged him: “I see you, Mara.”

Siddhartha then invited Mara for tea as an honored guest and offered him comfort and hospitality. And thus Siddhartha became Buddha, achieving enlightenment.

I absolutely loved this story because it made me think of my own demons or better said fears, and the way I deal with them.

For instance, one of my biggest fears was starting to write on Medium.

As soon as the idea came to me, one year ago, my Mara started whispering in my ears thoughts of not being good enough, not having what it takes, not having the time to do so.

Unfortunately, unlike Buddha, I gave in to Mara’s persistence. It took me one year since my desire of writing on Medium arose to actually publish my first article here.

I did see Mara, but instead of inviting it to tea and asking what it’s there to teach me, I identified myself with it.

We all have our Maras, our heavy load of unconscious fears, swirling around, preventing us from expanding and reaching our full potential.

Fear is a primitive emotion that we humans have. Its role is to warn us about the danger that might be in our immediate surroundings.

In the past, fear was alerting our ancestors of potential imminent danger. That’s how they stayed alive. This was and still is accomplished because of two different types of reactions: biochemical and emotional responses.

Biochemical reactions are something we feel physically, in our body. You might be familiar with the fight or flight response, that’s essentially what you are feeling as it is your body preparing to either fight or run away: an increased heart rate, sweating, and higher adrenaline levels.

It’s an auto-response that kicks in whenever we experience a situation that we associate with potential danger or threat. For instance, you have to give a presentation at work or at school and your mouth gets dry, your muscles tense up, your palms become sweaty, your heartbeat accelerates and your stomach is upset.

Then there is the emotional response to fear, which is highly personalized. Because fear involves some of the same chemical reactions in our brains that positive emotions like happiness and excitement do, feeling fear under certain circumstances can be seen as fun, like when you watch scary movies for instance.

While people express fear differently, all fear responses both stem from and catalyze deep biological shifts and changes in the body and mind.

According to Better Help, there are two types of fear:

Natural fears are the ones that we are born with. Crossing paths with a giant bear whilst alone in a forest could activate fear.

Conditioned fears are formed when something negative happens in the past and we become fearful of it happening again. It is an irrational response because our brain deludes us into thinking that similar circumstances will lead to similar outcomes. For instance, you have applied for a MA program once or twice and got rejected, and now you consider not reapplying because of a similar potential outcome to the one in the past.

Anxiety is a word we use for some types of fear that are usually to do with the thought of a threat or something going wrong in the future, rather than right now.

Fear and anxiety can last for a short time and then pass, but they can also last much longer and you can get stuck with them causing health issues or holding you back from doing things you are passionate about.

The good news is that you can do something about your fears. The more you clear your fears, the more space you make to discover what you truly desire. And thus, the more courage to act on what you are passionate about.

Here’s a 4 step guide to help you overcome your fears and anxieties:

1. Keep a diary

“Most of us do not think in complete sentences but in self-interrupted, looping, impressionistic cacophony. Writing helps us track our spinning thoughts and feelings, which can lead to key insights.”

— Elizabeth Sullivan, licensed therapist

Writing is a therapeutic process in itself. Is like speaking to another part of the self. Keeping a diary where you can let go of all those anxious thoughts is extremely beneficial. Pen down when it happens and the thoughts and feelings that accompany it.

Example Fears about starting a project you are passionate about:

I have the fear that I am not good enough I have the fear that I won’t be successful I have the fear that I don’t have enough confidence to do this job

Sit with them for a while. Recognize you are not your fears. Don’t identify with them. Instead, acknowledge they are there and try to trace them back to moments of your past when you started something new. When and how did these fears arise?

It is a deep but rewarding introspective process that can bring so much to your awareness.

2. Avoid sugar and caffeine in excess

“When our lives begin to change from the inside out, our eating habits will change from the outside in.” ― Wendy Speake

Have a more balanced diet, eat more fruits and vegetables. A poor diet can trigger or make anxiety symptoms worse by changing the body’s functioning and making it harder for the body and mind to cope with stress.

According to Calm Clinic.com, sugar rush and withdrawal do have a tendency to mimic some of the physical symptoms of anxiety, like shaking and nervousness. This is linked to the rush of energy that you get as the glucose is broken down in your bloodstream in order to release sharp spikes of energy.

The same goes for caffeine in excess. It stimulates the CNS- central nervous system and temporarily increases blood pressure and heart rate. This can mimic feelings of anxiety.

3. Release muscle tension

“A massage is just like a movie, really relaxing and a total escape, except in a massage you’re the star. And you don’t miss anything by falling asleep!” ― Elizabeth Jane Howard

Muscle tension is probably the most common and obvious physical symptom of anxiety, according to Calm Clinic.com. Here are some great ideas to release muscle tension:

• Hot shower — a hot shower or bath is a great tool for reducing muscle tension. Warm water is very soothing to tense muscles, and can often provide a sense of instant relief of muscle tension.
• Massage — getting a massage can be a fantastic approach to releasing muscle tension. Those skilled at massage can actually feel the knots (which cause tension and discomfort) in a person’s muscles, and push them out, resulting in increased comfort.
• Stretching and yoga — stretching and yoga can improve how a person’s muscles feel as well. Stretching is the act of elongating the muscles so they are not bunched together. I wrote an entire article about my experiences whilst stretching- you can find it here.

Thus, relaxation techniques to help you relieve muscle tension work wonders.

4. Reversal Through Acclimation

”You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

Yes, I know it’s easier said than done. But Reversal Through Acclimation is an actual thing. It basically means you gradually get acclimatized to your fear until you realize it doesn’t actually pose any serious threat.

For instance, you are afraid of speaking in public because once, in school, one of your teachers told you you did a lousy job and the other kids laughed at you. Thus, you are now afraid of putting yourself out there and giving a speech in front of an audience.

Don’t push yourself too hard, rather ease your way into it.

You can start with a smaller audience at first. Once you get through those first few minutes of accommodation and you realize there is no imminent threat, you start to relax and enjoy yourself more.

Takeaways

1. Fear is a primitive emotion that we humans have and it’s used to tell us about the danger that might be around us.
2. Anxiety is a word we use for some types of fear that are usually to do with the thought of a threat or something going wrong in the future, rather than right now.
3. The good news is that you can do something about your fears and anxieties:

• You keep a diary.
• You adopt a healthy diet where you avoid sugar and caffeine in excess.
• You incorporate relaxation techniques into your daily routine to decrease the tension stored in your muscles
• You start facing your fears gradually until your brain realizes there's nothing threatening about them.

Final thoughts

Take some time to sit down with your fear, look it in the face, let it linger, let it sink in, and assert that it’s valid. As you become consciously aware of your fear, smile at it and say, “I see you, Mara. Come have tea.”

After dining with your fear, you will be able to integrate it. When you acknowledge it and understand the reason why it’s there, from an observer’s stance, you can take your power back.

Don’t forget:

You are capable and deserving of everything you put your mind to. You are worthy of making decisions that best suit you. You are worthy of progress, change, growth, and healthy relationships!

Hope you found this article helpful. I would love to know how you deal with your fears.

Thank you for reading! I appreciate you!

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