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1951

Abstract

amba Juice that day with a friend and our daughters. We all stood in silence while the black-eyed stranger counted our change. Later that night, I brought the encounter up to my friend. I asked her what she felt and thought.</p><p id="fabd">She <i>knew</i> the girl was in an abusive relationship.</p><p id="8291">My friend is happily married and tells me she is very content with her life, but she has a painful past. Her first husband became abusive after the fourth year of marriage. She is a domestic violence survivor.</p><p id="cd7f">My friend saw the injured woman and assumed she knew her story.</p><p id="c670"><b>What my daughter sees</b></p><p id="e3f1">My daughter was a part of the girls-day-out adventures that day. She also saw the young lady and her bruised face. She was very surprised when I shared my reaction with her. The interaction wasn’t sad at all for my teenager.</p><p id="2445">My daughter <i>knew</i> the girl was an athlete.</p><p id="8995">My teenage daughter is an athlete. She plays a competitive sport and trains for hours every day. When the team is not practicing, they are conditioning. Injuries, bruises, and black eyes are badges of honor for her and her teammates.</p><p id="8cdc">My teenager saw the tough girl and assumed she knew her story.</p><p id="19c6"><b>In the end</b></p><p id="5078">One girl sparked three very different reactions in us. I find it very interesting how the assumptions we make about others come from the experiences we have had in our own life.</p><p id="0cb3"><i>The things that we go through change the way we see the world.</i></p><p id="23ba">The truth is that it’s none of my damn business why the cashier had a black eye. She may be struggling, maybe a kick-ass athlete, may have been in a minor car wreck, or simply tripped and fell.</p><p id="1cb9" type="7">“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ―

Options

Isaac Asimov</p><p id="5103">The experience was a gentle reminder to be cautious of passing judgment on others. You never know what someone else is dealing with, and their story is likely not the same as yours.</p><p id="732a"><i>A sincere <b>thank you</b> for reading.</i></p><p id="dcaa"><i>If you like my posts, click <a href="https://medium.com/subscribe/@brookj1014">here</a> to get an email whenever I publish.</i></p><p id="3e3f"><i>If you are not already a member of Medium, please consider joining <a href="https://medium.com/@brookj1014/membership">here</a> with my <a href="https://medium.com/@brookj1014/membership">referral link</a>. Your $5 monthly fee will go to supporting writers like me, and you’ll have the opportunity to <b>get paid </b>for what you write.</i></p><div id="9c7d" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/let-go-ill-catch-you-571bf422d357"> <div> <div> <h2>Let Go — I’ll Catch You</h2> <div><h3>If you had a no-fail guarantee, what would you do?</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*P8WU9fbGsJdSO0N_Y7VqMQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="e5a5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-ways-to-become-a-millionaire-54c952525d92"> <div> <div> <h2>The Ways to Become a Millionaire</h2> <div><h3>The advice I can’t forget</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*zL2zpnyzCdEmsg-NwiTnWg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

I Saw Her Black Eye and Assumed I Knew Her Story

Empathy or judgment

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-in-white-scoop-neck-shirt-holding-white-rose-5643925/

I couldn’t help but stare at her black eye.

The girl behind the counter was young and beautiful. She was probably in her late twenties with beautiful curly black hair. Her right eye was badly bruised. The area under her eye was a dark reddish-purple. There were blood spots in the white of her eye as well. I felt her pain.

What could I say to this poor girl? I felt instantly connected to her life. I felt entitled to an invitation to help. I assumed I knew her story because I lived that story.

Chances are, you’ve made your own assumption about the black-eyed stranger by now. It probably relates to a pain you’ve felt yourself.

What I saw

When I walked into the smoothie shop and saw the beautiful girl’s black eye, I understood her pain. I quickly created a made-up story in my mind about how she became so badly hurt.

I knew she was struggling with addiction.

I am a recovering addict. One of the things I never miss is all the bruises. I often had black eyes, open wounds, and other visible injuries. It was a humiliating part of my miserable existence. I had more excuses on the tip of my tongue than I ever imagined possible.

I saw the injured girl, and I assumed I knew her story. I assumed her story was my story.

What my friend saw

I went to Jamba Juice that day with a friend and our daughters. We all stood in silence while the black-eyed stranger counted our change. Later that night, I brought the encounter up to my friend. I asked her what she felt and thought.

She knew the girl was in an abusive relationship.

My friend is happily married and tells me she is very content with her life, but she has a painful past. Her first husband became abusive after the fourth year of marriage. She is a domestic violence survivor.

My friend saw the injured woman and assumed she knew her story.

What my daughter sees

My daughter was a part of the girls-day-out adventures that day. She also saw the young lady and her bruised face. She was very surprised when I shared my reaction with her. The interaction wasn’t sad at all for my teenager.

My daughter knew the girl was an athlete.

My teenage daughter is an athlete. She plays a competitive sport and trains for hours every day. When the team is not practicing, they are conditioning. Injuries, bruises, and black eyes are badges of honor for her and her teammates.

My teenager saw the tough girl and assumed she knew her story.

In the end

One girl sparked three very different reactions in us. I find it very interesting how the assumptions we make about others come from the experiences we have had in our own life.

The things that we go through change the way we see the world.

The truth is that it’s none of my damn business why the cashier had a black eye. She may be struggling, maybe a kick-ass athlete, may have been in a minor car wreck, or simply tripped and fell.

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.” ― Isaac Asimov

The experience was a gentle reminder to be cautious of passing judgment on others. You never know what someone else is dealing with, and their story is likely not the same as yours.

A sincere thank you for reading.

If you like my posts, click here to get an email whenever I publish.

If you are not already a member of Medium, please consider joining here with my referral link. Your $5 monthly fee will go to supporting writers like me, and you’ll have the opportunity to get paid for what you write.