I Regret . . . Things I Didn’t Say

Yes, sometimes it is too late.

It’s easy to take people, especially the people you love the most, for granted. As a child, you probably just accepted the love and attention of your parents and other family members as your due in life. After all, they loved you before you even knew what love was. They nurtured you even when you didn’t appreciate what sacrifices they might be making, just to keep you safe, warm and happy. It may have taken you a long time to realize you should express your love and gratitude for all the things they did — if, in fact, you ever came to that realization in time.

Some families are demonstrative with their showings of affection. Others are more aloof, with everyone assuming that family members “know” they are loved and appreciated. My family was more like this later group — there wasn’t a ton of outward affection, but somehow I always understood that I was greatly loved. Not everyone is comfortable saying exactly what is on their mind. At some point, often after it is too late to matter, you may look back and wish you could rewrite history. I know I often do.

It’s Not All Hugs and Kisses The opposite emotions may also come into play. You may hesitate to express negative feelings for fear of offending or eliciting outrage from another.

You may feel your words will do little more than elicit revenge if you speak out against someone or something. While there is some merit in keeping the peace, it is also essential to your personal peace of mind to state your case emphatically and not allow others to bully you or limit you in anything you are trying to do.

You will always be your own best defender and strongest supporter. If you keep your mouth shut when something inside of you is screaming to be heard, you will be on a collision course for anger and regret at some point.

It’s a Double-Edged Sword So, while you may regret some of things you have said in a fit of uncontrolled emotion, you may also carry a burden of NOT saying things that really needed to be said at different points in your life. Hindsight is always 20/20 and you will always be able to see more clearly after the fact than when you were actively engaged in living in the moment. Have you ever been in a situation where, after all was said and done, you told yourself, “I wish I had thought to say something at the time.” Everyone has. Sometimes you can just let it slide — other times your lack of action gnaws at you for years. When the perfect moment passes you by, your level of past regrets can mount.

You Don’t Need Permission to Speak We can see a lot of this regret over things we didn’t say coming to light in society today. Women who have been subjected to the unwanted and unsolicited behavior of aggressive men are finally coming forward to speak their truth — if for no other reason than because they now feel their voices matter. Bad actors in every level of society and the political world are being called out for who and what they are — because so many of us no longer want to live with the internal regret of not speaking up when speaking up was the only good course of action. On the home front, remember that all the unspoken words you hold inside are not necessarily words of anger and betrayal. Is there someone in you life who needs to hear in words just how important they are in your life?

You don’t have forever to speak — embrace and acknowledge those who are positive and loved in your life — today is a better day than tomorrow to do that.

Regret is one of the ugliest and deeply engrained emotions there is. It is even worse when you can look back and see that you had opportunities to speak up and avoid regret but you let them slip by. It is always later than you think. It is vital to seize opportunity when it presents itself or to create opportunity where it doesn’t seem to exist. Don’t delay in telling the people you love that you love them. Don’t put off trying to resolve a conflict by explaining your position. Don’t remain silent when your words can soothe, correct or explain so that others gain a clearer understanding. Don’t stand silent when the world needs your voice.

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