Time Can be a Miracle Drug

Use time to heal your mind while the medical profession is healing your body.

My out-of-nowhere diagnosis of breast cancer nearly four years ago was a total kick in the gut, as I’m sure everyone can appreciate. A lifetime of very good health spoiled me — made me feel “invincible” — above the everyday calamities experienced by many. The diagnosis was a low blow. Denial is a Convenient Life Raft to Cling to It was very easy for me to enter the denial stage at various points throughout my breast cancer journey. At first, the idea that I should have a biopsy to confirm or discount a suspicious mammogram result was met with pure annoyance by me. Having had these false alarms before made me suspicious of the medical profession — pushing unnecessary tests and procedures is a conspiracy theory of mine. Time wasted, money spent unnecessarily, negotiating with the insurance company over coverage — all of this seemed like a bother I should not have to endure. But — I am generally a good little patient, so I followed through with the directive to have a biopsy. This time it was different from the past. This time the diagnosis was not a benign calcification. This time the diagnosis was stage 1A breast cancer. This time my denial reached another plane.

Let the Battle Lines be Drawn It took more doctor’s appointments, more tests, more blood work, to see the enemy exactly for what it was. I was “lucky” to whatever extent such a term can be applied to a disease such as breast cancer. The cancer was “tiny” (my surgeon’s words), it was localized (no lymph node involvement, no metastasis to other parts of my body), it had certain characteristics that lent itself to being very receptive to the cutting edge treatments available today. Denial had to be set aside as I was propelled rapidly into the surgery (lumpectomy), radiation, and follow-up medications that are the standard protocol for attacking this disease.

When the Time for Action was Past, the Time for Reflection Arrived After surgery, radiation and months of follow-up medications, I finally arrived at a point in my thought process where it all felt like a bad dream. At some level, denial was creeping back into my mind. Denial and, maybe, just a little bit of anger. I was mad — how could this happen to me! I didn’t deserve breast cancer (like anybody does)! I should have been spared this trauma! So, okay I took some time to beat my chest and howl at the moon — I needed to vent. Somewhere along the way, in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, I started to feel strong again. Not just physically strong, although I was that for sure — but, mentally and emotionally stronger. I fought a mighty adversary and won! I learned to cope and regroup and structure my life in new ways that now give me the ability to be the best possible version of me. Time is a Stern, but Effective, Teacher Through my trials as I struggled to regain my health, I learned some important lessons that life teaches a person only in the midst of adversity. I have truly come to understand that the only time I have to live this life is right now. The time to be happy, to love friends and family, to see the things I want to see in this world before I leave it forever — that time is in my hands today. I have gotten past the anguish, fear and despair of my initial diagnosis. I’m calm now. I have a game plan for how I want to restore my body, my mind and my overall health.(spoiler alert — I had a fat grafting procedure done to restore the look and shape of my breast to near perfect form. The only reminder of what it went through is the faintest of scars.) This new level of recovery did not come to me with surgery or medication. This recovery came to me with the passage of time. Time is both a friend and a harbinger of the limits placed on every life. I have made my peace with time. I am learning more every day about how to use this new level of knowledge to my advantage. I live each day believing I have conquered my adversary. I might be wrong, but I live each day more fully believing that I’m right. I know there’s a bullet with my name on it out there somewhere. Meanwhile, I want to light up the days and nights of my life and experience them fully. Time is the medicine that gave me the strength to rise up and carry on.

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