SEX & SEXUALITY

I Recorded Myself Climaxing To Hear What Sounds I Make

When you make a living faking orgasms, it pays to study the real thing…

As someone who earns their living not only by voicing a lot of erotic audiobooks, but also working as a phone sex operator on an adult chat line, I spend a lot of my time pretending to orgasm. Whether it’s narrating a sexy moment in an erotic book, or satisfying a caller who wants to hear me cum, it seems not a day goes by that I am not called upon to pull out some moans, sighs, and “Oh, yes, baby”s.

Faking orgasms requires a little nuance and underplaying in order to really sell the performance. We’ve all watched bad porn films where caterwauling women shriek their way through the most unconvincing of fake orgasms, right? An over-acted pseudo-gasm can really break the spell and pull you out of a horny fantasy and back into the humdrum quicker than you can say ‘Alektra Blue’.

I certainly didn’t want to be guilty of spoiling anyone’s febrile fantasies. Although I faked plenty of orgasms in my younger years (thanks to men who treated my body like little more than a fleshlight with a pulse), more recent times have seen me mercifully out of practice where it comes to faking it. So, in order to up my counterfeit cum game, I armed myself with a small sound recorder and a big vibrating Wand, and engaged in a bit of hands-on research. Y’know, for science.

Getting Comfortable with my Venereal V-“ohh”-cals

Setting my digital audio recorder beside me on the bed, I got down to business. I felt very self-conscious at first but was eventually able to ignore the recorder and focus on the business at, errr, hand. Events continued to their very satisfying conclusion and, after a little post-playtime nap followed by a hot shower, I sat down with a glass of red wine and braced myself for playback.

It’s quite a strange experience hearing the sounds of your own masturbatory moments and your sexual climax playing through your ear buds. While we hear the sounds we and our lover/s make during sex in the heat of the moment, we tend to be (hopefully, at least) focussed on our physical sensations. Though we may pay close attention to the sounds our partner is making, so as to gauge their enjoyment of what we are doing, we’re not spending a whole lot of time analysing our own noises. Ditto during solo-sex; our focus is on the way we feel, and upon our quest for orgasm.

So sitting down, fully clothed, and listening to a recording of all the sighs, moans, murmurs, and cries that were elicited during sex/masturbation is quite confronting. Lots of people recoil when they hear their own voice on their outgoing Voicemail message. Imagine how much more cringe-worthy it is to hear your unpolished and unrehearsed in the throes of passion! Yikes!

The first session I recorded lasted about 30-40 minutes, and it probably took me until at least the 20–25 minute mark before I felt the blush of embarrassment leave my face. Once I got past my feelings of shame and discomfort, though, I found myself getting a little turned on. Indeed, as the ‘me’ on the recording climbed towards her crescendo, the ‘me’ that was listening in found her pulse racing, her heart pounding, and her panties dampening. It almost felt like I was eavesdropping through a hotel-room wall on a stranger’s private pleasure, or listening to a flatmate fingering herself in the adjacent bedroom. Naughty and a little bit taboo, perhaps, but very exciting.

I replayed the recording a couple of times and recorded more sessions over the next few weeks and months. With each recording, I felt a little less mortification and a lot more arousal. Moreover, I found I was able to identify whereabouts I was in my orgasmic journey — from the slightly muted moments of my initial arousal all the way through to the urgent stages in the run-up to climax — simply based on the cadence, volume, or pitch of my voice at any given point during the recording. It was like a lesson in my own sexual arousal process, and the more I listened, the more I found it fascinating.

Listening to My Arousal Process Increased My Sexual Confidence

I had initially approached the exercise of recording and listening to myself having solo-sex as a way of learning how to perform a convincing orgasm for work purposes. I subsequently discovered, however, that hearing what I sound like when I’m sexually stimulated when I’m approaching orgasm, and when I’m actually coming for real, resulted in me feel less self-conscious during sex with a partner.

I learned that my sex sounds were erotic; sometimes soft and sensual, other times loud and primal. At all times, they were raw and honest expressions of what I was experiencing in that moment.

And they were beautiful.

I no longer worry about moans, groans, grunts, and growls, nor about any other sounds I might make in the throes of my sexual pleasure. And, when the occasion calls for it and I need to fake some ecstatic ejaculations, I’m clued-up enough about what my real orgasms sound like to be able to recreate them for a paying client, whether on the mic or on the chat line.

Jupiter Grant is a self-published author, blogger, narrator, and audiobook producer. You can find me on Twitter at @GrantJupiter and buy me a coffee at https://ko-fi.com/jupitergrant

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