SEX & SEXUALITY
I Talk Dirty To Strangers on the Phone — And I Love It!
When I joined a phone sex chat line, I had no idea how much I would enjoy myself, nor how much it would teach me about myself and the (mostly) men who call me
Growing numbers of women have been turning to sex work to make ends meet. Even before the pandemic and the resulting economic crisis, sex work — either through the traditional avenues of stripping (sometimes euphemistically called exotic dancing), escorting, and phone sex, or via more modern platforms such as OnlyFans or other cam-sites — had been increasing in popularity, with more and more (mostly) women using it as a way to earn or supplement their income while dictating their own hours and being their own bosses.
In 2020, I joined the ranks of those turning to sex work to pay the bills and keep food in the fridge. Though I began with the intention of using sex work as a sideline, it has now become my “main job”, not just because it is currently keeping a roof over my head, but because it has broken down my misconceptions about sex work, desire and sexuality, and the kinds of people who pay money to attain sexual enjoyment.
Why Did I Decide to Become a Phone Sex Operator?
In 2020, I quit my job of 13+ years. The relentless demands that had slowly but inexorably crept into my role over the last few years, combined with increasingly high levels of stress, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, poor health, and a traumatic bereavement had led to multiple mental breakdowns and had left me feeling depressed, useless and, in my lowest moments, actively suicidal.
Although I had a side hustle in audiobook narration and production, work could be sketchy and unreliable — certainly not enough to keep my head above water if it were to become my only source of income. However, I had a small payout from my employer, a few dregs coming in from my book sales, and an increase in the number of freelance writing jobs I was being offered. That, combined with working on audiobooks full-time should just about see me through, for a little while at least.
But then COVID-19 struck and, as the year progressed and increasing numbers of authors found their income dwindling, the number of audiobook projects being advertised began to dry up. Not only that, but many of those who were still seeking a producer insisted on “renegotiating” my fee. I’m sad to say that out of desperation, I sometimes let them succeed, leaving myself out of pocket and at a disadvantage.
Making Informed Decisions About Getting Into Sex Work
I continued to audition for every little audio job going, throwing mud at the wall in the hope that it would stick. However, as rejections mounted and I grew increasingly annoyed by people contacting me with project offers that were, quite frankly, taking the piss, I came to realise that I would need to find yet another hustle to keep a roof over my head. And then, I read an article on camming, wherein Karley Sciortino noted that
“some girls get into sex work autonomously because they want to, because they enjoy it, and because the money is good.”
I knew that camming wasn’t for me, as I like to keep my anonymity and didn’t want my face visible online. However, the idea of camming and of the other forms of sex work that one might do from home intrigued me, and led me on a search for information on sexting and phone sex.
As Sciortino observed, and despite what naysayers may believe, not all sex workers are pressured into their roles, nor do they enter into them blindly. When I started thinking about engaging in sex chat, I began by Googling articles, reviews, and blog posts, as well as finding a few suitable companies from which to create a shortlist, which I then researched with due diligence. I wanted to make sure that whatever company I chose to work with was reputable, discreet, professional, and allowed me the autonomy to work to my own schedule.
Having found a suitable company (and, no, I’m not going to divulge their name or any identifying information here), it was a simple matter of applying online and having a telephone conversation with a member of their management team to discuss.
This was a valuable opportunity to ask questions, learn more about what would be involved, and learn the rules of the phone sex industry. I was sent some helpful information — what to do if a caller wants to turn the conversation to topics like paedophilia and incest (in both instances, try to turn the conversation back around; if they persist, warn them that you will end the call and, if none of this works; tell them you are ending the call and why); what to do if a caller is being verbally abusive and/or making you uncomfortable and you want to end the call (again, end the call with an explanation of why you are doing so), and; how to proceed when someone you suspect may be underage gets through.
As I read this information and spoke to the company representative, I grew more confident that I would be in control and would not be pressured to endure anything that made me uncomfortable. It was a welcome reassurance for me as I prepared to log into the system for the first time and take my first calls.
My First Calls and the Breaking Down of My Misconceptions
Strangely, I was not anxious while I awaited my first call. There was a feeling of nervous anticipation, of course, but this was more anxiety about how I would perform when put on the spot, rather than any concern about the callers and what they might want me to do.
My first caller was a lovely guy, and we chatted for a few minutes before things started to get sexy (it is worth mentioning that the caller must be the one to instigate the explicit talk — I am not allowed to go there unless the caller says something sexual first). I then roleplayed a sensual hand-job scene with him, and soon after I could hear him climaxing. He stuck around for a moment or two afterwards to thank me, and lo and behold, I had satisfied my first client, and I had lost my phone sex virginity.
I stayed on the line for a couple of hours on my first night, and it was not long before I spoke to a caller that was so good at reciprocating the sexy chat that I found myself getting off, as well as him. We spent almost an hour on the phone together, chatting and masturbating together, and he even called back later that night to thank me for such a wonderful time. He is still one of my regulars, and I’m always delighted (and excited!) to hear from him.
The possibility that I might get as much sexual enjoyment from the dirty scenarios I enact over the phone as my callers do had never occurred to me, and it was a very welcome revelation. Indeed, on most nights on the chat line, I will orgasm at least once through sexy roleplays and dirty chats with my callers. I even have some clients who get their enjoyment from pleasuring me, and they delight in encouraging me to lie back while they take control and describe in delicious detail what they are doing to me in our erotic scenario. It’s very sexy!
Another big surprise was that 99% of my callers are friendly, polite, and very sweet.
For whatever reason, I had assumed that most of the men who called a sex chat line would be aggressive, demanding and rude, but I was soon disabused of that notion.
Even although the chat can get very ribald and explicit, and they may call me a “dirty slut” or a “filthy whore” within the context of a scenario, when the scene is over, the caller will inevitably return to being polite and soft-spoken, thanking me profusely and, sometimes, apologising for how swept up in the filthiness of the moment they had been. I assure them, truthfully, that I understand, that I’m not at all offended by such dirty name-calling, and that I am delighted they had such an enjoyable time with me.
An Insight Into Men and their Desires
Though I have received a couple of calls from women, the vast majority of my callers are men, and engaging in phone sex with hundreds of men each week has taught me a lot about men and what they desire. Despite what you may think, and what I certainly believed prior to becoming a Phone Sex Operator, many men crave a lot of kissing, touching, eroticism, and even romance. Many enjoy scenarios in which they make love to me slowly, and there are plenty of men who want nothing more than to lick a woman’s pussy for hours on end — far more than many women might appreciate.
From “standard” sexual experiences, through face-sitting, threesomes, group sex, dominance, submission, sissy-play, panty-sniffing, impact and bondage, cuckolding, sexual humiliation, and pegging, all the way up to water sports, scat, and some very niche fetishes that are too specific to mention here without risk of “outing” a few of my clients, I have encountered a plethora of sexual desires, kinks, and fetishes. Some men are very reticent to admit to the fantasies they hold, and I always seek to reassure them that whatever we discuss is private and confidential, that I am very open-minded and not easily offended, and that I will not judge them.
The anonymity of a phone sex line allows men to be honest about what gets them off.
Often these men, many of whom are married or in monogamous relationships, don’t feel able to discuss their hidden desires with their partners. In some instances, these men tell me, they have attempted to raise the topic with their other half and have been accused of being weird, perverted, or “not a real man”.
While no woman should ever feel coerced or pressured into engaging in a sexual practice that makes her uncomfortable, it is a shame that many of them don’t even take the time to listen and learn more about what would really turn their partner on if the pretence and pressure of stereotypical “manhood” could be shed and they could reveal their real sexual self to their lover in a safe, open, and honest environment.
The Good, and the Less-Good, of Being a Phone Sex Operator
Having gone into the world of phone sex with the intention of it being a “side-hustle”, it has now become my main source of work. I have numerous regular clients, and I spend many hours of the day and (mostly) the night logged in and receiving calls. Some nights the phone doesn’t stop ringing, and I go from one call to the next with barely a moment to take a sip of water.
While my main impetus for spending as many hours as I do on the phone sex line is earning enough money to pay the rent and buy food, I also find that I actually love talking dirty to strangers on the phone. I’m pretty good at it, too — let’s face it, as a writer of erotica and a narrator/ producer of (mostly) erotic audiobooks, dirty words and smut were already my bread and butter. I can easily concoct a sexy scenario, tailor-made to my client’s fantasy, off the top of my head and at the spur of the moment.
That so many of my callers not only keep coming back, but ask how they might send me a tip or a gift, or pay me large sums of money to come and chastise them in person (in the interests of safety, privacy, and company policy, I’m afraid it’s a no to all), is a lovely confidence boost for me, and makes my work even more enjoyable.
I can choose my own hours, too, and this enables me a freedom that I have always craved but never had in regular 9–5 jobs. Combined with my freelance writing and producing, it makes for a flexible schedule that I can adapt as necessary, making it a perfect way for me to earn money while also exercising my creativity both on and off the chat line.
Of course, there are some downsides. First and foremost, I wish I had more time to spend on my first love, writing. I would also love to have a day or two to just switch off and relax in front of the television: I don’t get a weekend off unless I can afford to gift it to myself. While my excessive work hours are more a symptom of my current financial situation than a side-effect of my phone sex work, it is the case that I have to work very long hours to make enough money to stay afloat. No one should go into phone sex work thinking that it is quick and easy money.
Likewise, not all callers are Prince Charmings in disguise, and some can be very hard work. I occasionally get callers who want to lure me into scenarios involving illegal subjects. In such situations, I explain why I can’t continue speaking to them, tell them that I am ending the call now, and simply hang up.
On one occasion, I had a caller who made tears spring to my eyes when he started ranting at me. I was ready to end the call but I couldn’t get a word in edgeways, and by the time he took a breath, my tears had dried and I decided that I might as well keep him on the line as long as possible. The longer he stays, the more I get paid, and why shouldn’t I make the most of his lengthy and, frankly, ridiculous tirade?
In the end, he calmed down and we were actually able to finish the call on friendly terms. He even apologised to me for his outburst. It ended up being a lucrative call, and it also taught me about my own resilience and my ability to handle difficult situations.
And therein lies the crux of why I get so much enjoyment from talking dirty to strangers — it has taught me that I can be strong and in complete control of the situation — even when I’m performing in the role of a submissive. I can decide when I want to work and how many hours I wish to remain logged in. I can end a call if someone is behaving in an excessively offensive manner and upsetting me, and I don’t engage in any discussion involving assault, rape, minors, incest, animals, or any other scenarios that exceed the boundaries of legal activity. I can be in control of my work environment and, indeed, I feel safer and more secure in my sex chat workplace than I had felt during the last few years of my “respectable” 9–5 job.
Phone sex work isn’t for everyone. In comparison with other forms of sex work, the money is fairly paltry, and you have to be willing to work your arse off to earn it. Having said that, I get to spend my nights being paid to chat with (mostly) really lovely men who appreciate me and enjoy my company. For the most part, we have a nice chat, indulge in some role-play or simulated sex while they masturbate, and bingo — I’ve made a bit of money and, even better, I’ve helped someone to achieve pleasure and explore a side of their sexuality that, for whatever reason, they may be unable to explore in their “real” life.
Sometimes, if I’m especially lucky, a caller will invite me to watch some porn with them (they usually let me choose the video) and indulge in some relaxed mutual masturbation over the phone. They just want to hear me breathing and moaning as the two of us admire the breasts, bums, penises or pussies on the screen. That’s a very nice call whenever you get it!
While some people may think that talking dirty to men I’ve never met is a crass or degrading way to make a living, for me, being paid to create sexual scenarios through my words, watch porn, and enjoy a few orgasms while I listen to a man moaning and panting in my ear is a genuine pleasure. It’s certainly the most enjoyable and varied job I’ve ever had, and I plan to keep doing it for some time to, ahem, come.
Jupiter Grant is a self-published author, blogger, narrator and audiobook producer.
Enquiries and comments are always welcome. You can also find me on Twitter @GrantJupiter
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