I Quit Falling In Love

Instead of falling, I choose to rise

Why do we perpetuate “falling” in love?

Falling: moving from a higher to a lower level, typically rapidly and without control. Ouch! Why and when did we normalize that it was okay to rapidly descend into infatuation with the presumptuous notion that our heart will eventually (possibly not, lucky you) break in the name of love? We’ve given the ancient cocktail that induces a chemical hijacking a common phrase: “falling in love”.

The definition of falling assumes that where ever you are in your life journey, you’d falter into the grips of lust without control. Now, perhaps you will counter with “I fell in love with the love of my life and we’ve been together for 20 years”. Or maybe “I fell in love with my soulmate and I am happier than I’ve ever been”. Congratulations. I am not saying what you created with your partner is invalidated by a phrase. The point of this reflection is to revolutionize the way we associate love and our ascension within its beauty.

Are rom coms on to something?

I became familiar with the idea of “falling in love” when my parents would prop me in front of a television while rom coms filled the void. It was entertaining to watch Selena falling in love with Drake even though we knew the inevitable was coming within the next episodes. She’d eventually break up with Drake, leading him into a state of confusion and numbness as feelings of unworthiness bubbles to the surface. He begins to question his worth and falls into a depression that eventually heals over time. Maybe.

Time after time I’d watch these episodes giggling at how silly and selfish we can be with another person’s heart. It wasn’t until I experienced my heart descending into lust, and the inevitable despair that followed. That was when I began to empathize with Drake. From that point forward, I began to question everything I knew about relationships. I reflected on its complicated dynamics that influence our day-to-day decisions on a subconscious and conscious level.

Is the “ONE” feasible?

I’ve trekked the playing field of love time after time, slowly noticing my heart cracking with every behavior pattern I have neglected to correct. I’d feel my brain reward me with serotonin and dopamine for connecting with people, yet I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was not “right”.

I began to understand that the unshakeable feeling of uneasiness when it came to relationships: my inability to question my life’s programming. As children we are extremely susceptible to others’ influence, naturally to learn social etiquette. Though our minds are not yet capable of discernment, which only comes with time and experience.

I found myself fantasizing about one person to complete this image of me that I believed was incomplete. The concept of falling in love and descending into the abyss of another was tantalizing and attractive. It replicated what I saw and understood as love, it affirmed what I had witnessed as a child to be the truth. I hopelessly sought out “my one” for years, progressively becoming unmoved by the possibilities of love after one too many heartaches.

Is it possible that one person could fill all the voids? To love all the crevices within ourselves that we hate? To give us everything we wished our parents would have? To affirm that we are only half and another is the only way to experience fullness?

I was jaded until…

The love that I thought I had to fall for, the “one” I was seeking, turns out to be the love within myself waiting to be recognized. It’s been silently waiting to rise from the depths of where I deemed unworthy and unloveable. I only recognized it when I became silent and looked within. Because the truth is not loud, it whispers gently and guides those who listen.

The places within my spirit that I hoped someone would fill, turned out to have always been full, waiting to be felt.

I searched long enough,

looked close enough,

dug deep enough,

to realize all I was pursuing was the connection and affection for myself. I shifted my mindset from scarcity to fullness and the way I looked at love transformed in the most beautiful ways. I began choosing to rise, consciously with intent.

Paradigm shifts are hot and polarizing

Rise: an upward movement; an instance of becoming higher.

When I began this paradigm shift, I began to attract the love that has also recognized their Divinity and fullness within. I took the time to love myself, learn my worth, and come to realize that I am enough right now, always and have been. Along the way, I found others who felt the same love for self as I did, and boy has it been refreshing.

I’ve accepted to be well-grounded in knowing that this type of energy is polarizing. The stance of rising in love repels and repulses those who are not in acceptance and alignment with who it is they are. It’s a wonderful filter to attract those who see love the way you do.

It was difficult at first to accept that people would reject me, see me as less, and relentlessly attempt to force me in accepting their lack of self-love reality. After some time I allowed others’ thinking to be. I detached myself from caring about their opinions and taking it personally. Their perception of me is not my responsibility. I then transmute that energy into those who see me and recognize the beauty that is my heart and mind unapologetically.

It’s a vibe!

Our vibe attracts our tribe. The ability to understand this simplistic sentiment will create kingdoms and unions with those who value and see you. When you come from a place of fullness, you will be met with the opposite at first. It's a universal law. This gives your discernment an opportunity to recognize what is, and what isn't.

I’m glad you are here because it means you are curious about the wonders of life, just like me. I am extremely proud of you and wish you many blessings on your journey to remembering your wholeness.

Gratitude

I am excited to share the tools that helped me build stronger relationships with myself and others. I welcome your thoughts. Let me know which articles helped you see a new perspective. May we heal ourselves and our world. Thank you for your love and support!