Your Healing is Not Minute Maid
It’s worth the time! Your spending it anyways.
FAQ about healing
“When does this whole healing thing begin to work?”.
“So you are saying if I talk about my feelings, it'll make my trauma go away?”.
“How many therapy sessions until I feel better?”.
“How can I make the pain go away forever?”.
“Should I keep fake smiling until I feel better? Fake it until you make it right?”.
“What is PTSD? I probably don’t have it. I sucked it up and moved forward. Isn't that what you are supposed to do”?
I’ve been spending a majority of my efforts trying to feel less bad about my trauma. I am not trying to glamorize self-pity. I’m trying to normalize that everyone experiences trauma and if we don’t know of or have the tools to cope, we repeat the cycle of pain. When we repeat the cycle of pain, we project our anger towards the people we love or have yet the privilege to know because we are so consumed in feeling terrible.
Day in and day out I’d escape the traps of my mind through alcohol, drugs, distractions, and sex. I thought that maybe if I constantly make myself “happier” by the influence of the external stimulants, it would somehow boost my already depleted serotonin and dopamine levels.
Long story short: it created more misery, deepen my depression, and depleted my sense of self-worth.
Though this is not a memoir of my cynical coping mechanism and depressive episodes, this is an opening to my journey back to myself.
Being honest with yourself is a good place to start
Our society has been sold the idea that constant striving is what gives us meaning in life. And oh boy did we buy into it. We are on the hunt to find the next best thing and to have it in our possession as quickly as we can. Like a hamster on a wheel, we make money and work to find fulfillment through external valuations.
Comparing and contrasting between who is who and who has what. We don’t think about the time we waste looking for these external things to hopefully fill the void within. It took me a while to figure that one out. Let me save you some time.
After a while of doing that myself, I got tired of it. I’d look forward to going to spending thousands of dollars on outfits that I wore to impress people that didn’t like themselves. I used money as a means to seek validation through my outfits, my business, and friends.
Don’t get me wrong, those tools can be a great resource if you use them with intention and awareness. I abused those tools because I thought the more I had, the happier I would be. When I would look beautiful in the mirror, I thought that it would make me feel more beautiful on the inside.
What money can’t buy is what I was seeking. Thousands and thousands of dollars later invested in my superficial collection, I realized that it’s love that makes my life rich. Decide what it is for yourself. Don’t be so hard on yourself, it’s different for everyone.
Stocks are great but value yourself first
Never once did I think to invest that money into healing my spirit. I was preoccupied with filling my pockets than I was filling my heart. I figured my heart would always be with me and that it was the money that was fleeting. It was painful when I realized that it was money that will always be there, but time is finite in this plane of existence.
You are worth the time and energy unlearning and relearning how to optimally function and enjoy your life. You can always make more money, you can not make more time. I would laugh when an older person would tell me that, I felt invincible. I could pull all-nighters and sacrifice my health for more money. I had to do it for the sake of my ego. The idea of being homeless again was not appealing. Though there are intelligent and innovative ways you can be your version of success without the expense of your health. You can have multiple streams of income but you only have one vessel that houses your spirit.
Signs your body is speaking to you
I didn’t think for a moment to understand why I couldn’t sleep at night, it was something called night terrors. When I would experience anxiety, I ignored its existence entirely. I was confused when I would be triggered by my friends when they would pull scare pranks on me. It would send my body into panic and flashbacks. I hated that I couldn’t control my overwhelming sadness that took over my mind and body on a constant basis. It felt like waking up with a hundred-pound pack on my back as I got ready for the day.
Your body speaks to you in a language only you can decipher. I know it feels like hieroglyphs but when you take the time to learn what your body is trying to tell you, it becomes easier to trust yourself again.
Watch out for scam artists
These modern “gurus” claiming they can heal you are bullshit. They prey on your insecurities and manipulate their way into getting you to pay them.
They are selling you on an idea that you have to buy their packages to find “enlightenment”. As if a box of cards and crystals are going to instantly make your trauma disappear and your business blossom from repeating a mantra and manifesting. Thanks to THEM you found yourself.
NO.
A true teacher/professional doesn’t take credit for your healing. They hold a space for you while giving you tools to find the answers for yourself. Often times in situations like a therapist, you do have to be monetarily invested. Though research for yourself what you are spending on.
The kind of psychologist I look for is one that takes the energy to learn more about how to help people beyond talking. I look for a therapist that will teach me how to unlearn and teach me about my nervous system. Your needs may be different, trust in yourself and seek someone who is a professional.
Take time to nurture your spirit
Everyone comes to their revelation in due time. As you become attentive to your body and mind, you become more open to different modalities to heal. There is no comparison because we all have different life experiences at different points in life. Be easy on yourself as you begin to embark on your healing journey. It’s not a race to find the fastest way to “feel better”.
There is a natural healing and grieving process when it comes to surfacing stored emotions and traumas. New coping skills don’t happen within the first five minutes of therapy or beginning to realize we should seek help.
Mastery of the world is achieved by letting things take their natural course. You can not master the world by changing the natural way. -Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
There is bliss in taking care of yourself. You’ll find yourself genuinely happy and exuding a radiant glow. You’ll find it easier to return to homeostasis when your peace has been disturbed.
Finding peace may take what feels like an endless amount of hours. That is because it does.
You exercise to have a desired result. To keep your desired physique you have to make it routine. You can’t pick up a weight sometimes and think you’ll be just as strong as when you were lifting consistently. Just like learning how to cope with stress or a difficult situation, you must practice patience with yourself and others. It’s not necessary to continue healing practices because it's a choice you have to make daily. Though it does make for a happier life, personally speaking.
Okay, so it’s been five minutes, now what?
Sometimes I fall back into self-loathing and wonder why it’s not working all at once. I’m smudging the sage and repeating the mantras…why is it not working?
There is a lot of drama and noise in our world. It makes it difficult to slow down and be in tune with ourselves. I know there are many reasons to forgo your healing because of what is being asked of you in your personal life.
- You may have kids to tend to
- You are responsible for taking care of your elders
- You have to do the cooking and cleaning for your home
- Working one, two, or three jobs to support yourself or your family.
- Work demanding hours that leave you drained
- Emotionally supporting your loved ones
- Struggling to see the positive side of healing
- Trying to balance your personal relationships
Those are all valid reasons.
You do it for yourself and you do it for them. When you take devote time to your health and wellness, you are able to give more. When you are in a calm state of mind or returning to a calm state of mind, it gives you the ability to step into your power. You learn how to cope with stress better when it arises. Stress is not something we can avoid in our experience but we can find a way to intellectually approach the situation in a healthy way.
Onward towards the path of forgiveness
Forgiveness is an important tool. Yes, I know it's hard to forgive that person for causing damage to your mental health. If anything, you probably want to give them a piece of your mind. If you face great turbulence, seek a professional to guide you through the process.
It requires you to do a hard thing. The good news, doing hard things helps you grow as a person. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and peace.
“Cultivating forgiveness is important because there are senseless crimes committed in a fit of anger where one brief moment can alter the course of many lives. People whose lives are affected by these crimes may not have the ability to forgive, thereby contributing to more resentment and anger in the world”.
Forgiveness liberates you from the painful past. It’s a constant choice to choose the tools that bring you the most peace. You can’t change what has been done but you can change your approach.
Forgive people for the sake of your own sanity. Those people have to live with themselves and you with yourself. When you can accept what has happened and move forward with discernment, it gives you freedom.
Wait, there’s more!
As you begin on your journey, you will find different teachers wearing different hats. As you begin to open your heart to forgiveness and healing, you find love and patience in the mundane.
A child soothing his little brother after a fall. Overhearing a couple forgive each other for words fired in the heat of the moment. A playful puppy happy to be on a walk, living his best life. A therapist you’ve attracted in your subconscious.
As you begin to practice patience with yourself and the world, you expand your heart and mind. You begin to create a new reality you didn’t know existed. The world is not all rainbows and butterflies but you can do your part by bringing a few.
With time, you’ll notice the subtle nuances that guide you to your highest self. I wish for a happy and healthy life for you. I know what seems to be impossible is possible because I’ve begun my journey. As a recovering pessimist, I’d like to share that it is possible to enjoy your life despite adversity.
I want to share with you more tools that helped me build stronger relationships with myself and others. I welcome your thoughts. Let me know which articles helped you see a new perspective. May we heal ourselves and our world.
