I Once Gave My Life To Baseball

Summary

A baseball player's career takes a dramatic turn after a fateful encounter with a pitcher named Shutout Saul, leading to a brawl, legal trouble, and an unexpected friendship that changes their professional paths.

Abstract

The narrative recounts the journey of a dedicated baseball player who excels in various aspects of the game, from hitting to fielding. His prowess is highlighted through his skill in dealing with different types of pitches and his involvement in the community. However, his career is put to the test when he faces the formidable Shutout Saul, whose devastating screwball leads to the player's humiliation and a crisis of confidence. The confrontation escalates into a violent brawl, resulting in legal consequences and the end of both players' baseball careers. In an unexpected twist, the former rivals bond over their shared misfortune and transition to a new life pursuing golf.

Opinions

The author conveys a deep passion for baseball, detailing the protagonist's dedication to the sport.
There is a sense of respect and admiration for the skill of the pitcher Shutout Saul, despite his role in the protagonist's downfall.
The narrative suggests a critique of the aggressive culture within sports, as a heated competition leads to violence and legal issues.
The transformation of the rivalry into a friendship reflects a redemptive arc, indicating the author's belief in the potential for positive outcomes even after setbacks.
The use of humor and rhyme throughout the piece implies a light-hearted take on the serious events depicted, suggesting that the author views the experiences with a degree of levity and resilience.

A Sports Rhyme

I once gave my life to baseball I learned to hit the fastest fastballs I zeroed in on wicked curveballs I hit home runs, and countless ground balls I rarely ever hit a foul ball

I played outfield and caught the fly balls I avoided food that increased my cholesterol I signed autographs at local shopping malls And conveyed sports clichés with a charming southern drawl

Then one fateful day we played in Montreal They had a pitcher there named Shutout Saul He threw one pitch that was my downfall Oh, how I hated his evil screwball

He made me look like a clumsy neanderthal Then soon I heard fan’s angry catcalls I started thinking about switching to basketball, or football, or volleyball, or even racquetball

The sight of Saul made my skin crawl I began to pray for heavy rainfall Or a relief pitcher to get the call But Saul was in it for the long haul

He learned my weakness, his mighty screwball It soon became his only protocol I got so mad, I called him Meatball He glared and beaned me with a hardball

It hit me like a pirate cannonball Pain washed over me like a waterfall I rushed the mound, intending to brawl The benches emptied, it was a free-for-all

The game turned into rugby football Fists were flying, I hit Saul’s eyeball He responded with a cleat to my abdominal wall I flopped around like a worn-out rag doll

The cops dragged us down to city hall I ended up staring at a holding cell wall The judge said, “I don’t have the wherewithal. You are released into the urban sprawl.”

Saul said, “You want to go drink some alcohol?” We ended up on a four-day pub crawl I don’t recall much after that at all Saul and I were both deemed AWOL

Our careers over, we now spend our windfalls Out on the course chasing golf balls

More NCiR rhymes:

I Once Gave My Life To Baseball

A Sports Rhyme

Gunky Fish Water

Who wants to join me?