I Never Knew The Meaning And Power Of Self Love

In response to Dancing Elephants Prompt 21 of 52

I never knew what was self love

I never knew the meaning of self-love. According to the constructs of the socio-cultural strict norms of my time, women were never to think of love for themselves. They were caregivers and not the ones who received care.

I studied in a Catholic Convent of Irish nuns at Loreto Convent Ranchi. I loved the school and the nuns were the sweetest things in my life. We were taught self care-to have impeccable manners, be polite, bring a serviette and spread it at lunch, shoes to be polished, and uniforms to be clean. We had to take care of ourselves and not talk too much to boys either.

My parents had made some adjustments to the socio-cultural norms of our times as they gave me The Gift Of A Life Of Independence but still, they had to live within the society and I was always branded as having more independence than others around me.

Taking care of myself was important and I could not be overconfident or look at my mirror images as that would mean boasting about myself. Women were not to boast. They had to be present but absent

At that time I did not know that self-care was actually the subjugation of women. They had to play a secondary role to men. Self-love was completely out of the picture.

I was taught that women were to get married and look after the husband and family and respect everyone. They had to fit into the norms of the husband’s family.

The husband was the primary person and whatever he said was the right thing.

Moving fast forward I got married and my husband’s family treated me with respect. They were good people but also had similar notions of that time.

Women were to have their heads covered before elders. Why not men I asked.

I was not supposed to discuss or argue in public and whatever my husband said was right. If my husband slept at 1 AM, I had no choice but to sleep at that time even if I was tired and had to go to work in the morning.

The young women in the family who were newly married yearned to talk to me and looked up to me because I was working but were asked to keep a little away from me as working women were not considered a good thing.

Where was the question of knowing and understanding myself and how I should love myself?

Discovering self-love

It is when I became a mother and I was also doing my Ph.D. in the Department of Commerce that I started becoming jittery and uncomfortable with myself. I had no time for anything.

It was difficult to get my term papers and presentations ready on time. There were no computers. I had an electric typewriter at home that i bought at the insistence of my friend. At Delhi university, there was a huge computer that we could rent out for the day. It had a card system where data could be punched.

I would punch the data and all would go wry with incorrect input or output. The language at that time that we had to learn was Fortran 1V which I never understood. There was no Microsoft word. How lucky people are today.

I slowly understood that I was actually towering over other people men and women with my education and awareness of things and why was it that I had no confidence to talk out things?

What was I lacking?

The research scholars with me were all young men who bragged about themselves and were overconfident. I was not shy but I did lead a sort of double life. Friendly, discussing and arguing in the company of my university friends about the work we did and about our ideas for research.

I was conditioned to be a little quiet and not argue or discuss at home. I was accepting everything. There were many things I did not like but I chose to be quiet.

I did more harm to myself by playing this double game with myself and then it is at that time that I Chose The Magic Therapy Of Self-Care And Self-Love For Joy.

Self-care and self-love were my new jewels. They were my inspiration. I became creative. I thought of new ideas.

I found confidence in myself for being me and began accepting invitations and making connections, and found that with a little self-love and fun to do things the way I wanted to do them, I was always in a better mood to look after things at home

Something I began to love about myself was the fact that

❤️ I was the only one (woman)and was financially performing within the family equally with my husband.

❤️❤️I drove a car when there were hardly any cars in Delhi. Very few men had cars and women never drove.

❤️❤️❤️I was completing my doctorate and it was a feather in my cap, not something I have to hide about or feel bad about.

❤️❤️❤️❤️I was the first woman in the department to do my Ph.D. and amongst the first 5 women to be a lecturer in the Commerce Department of Delhi University’s Colleges.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I had a wonderful connection with people and they became friends with me for life.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I traveled alone in India and abroad. At that time travel for women alone was taboo and here I traveled to different continents on conference invitations and fellowships, the first and therefore most amazing was Salzburg Seminar on Entrepreneurship.

I was looked down upon by Europeans as I was from India. They thought I was from Jungleland and when they heard that I was a doctorate they got the greatest shock and changed their look out towards me and also my country.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I love to research urban women in occupations and their stresses and help them to bring change within themselves.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I brought a change in the family without any war of words by bringing up my boys fit for society. They are respectful towards women and have brought up their kids equally with their spouses.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I love people and forgive and forget very fast if there are any misunderstandings. This is why my connections have lasted for many years. My inner child is always alive.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I do not discriminate between caste, color, or creed, and love everyone. I work for opportunities for all.

To wrap up

I am grateful to the Almighty for giving me so many gifts in my life. I would like to extend my love and positivity and hope that everyone lives their life fully with happiness, cheer, and laughter.

Self-love is a right to enjoy it equally for all. Self-love is an opportunity to extend yourself to love others. Take full care of yourself.

To self-love, self-care is very important. Take good care of yourself. Kick and keep your inner child alive.

A shout-out to Natalie Moulden for her article. She loves nature and hiking and has dreams in her heart.

Jennifer Dunne who writes about self-love in response to prompt 21 of 52

Vidya Sury, Collecting Smiles thank you for this interesting prompt to love yourself.

©Dr. Preeti Singh, 2023.

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