CONFESSIONS

I Need to Go Back to School

But I really don’t want to.

A Year Online

It’s been an entire year since I’ve been in the classroom with my peers. I honestly, sincerely miss being around my peers and engaging with my professors — it’s how I learn best. But at this point, I’ve had almost three semesters of virtual learning.

I’ve done synchronous learning. I’ve done asynchronous learning. I’ve even had a biostatistics class where the only interactions we had with the professor were by email and text messaging, and only if we were stuck or needed help on something.

But now, I graduate in just over a month, and I’ve been called back to the classroom. In fact, I’m writing this about an hour before I’m due there (which means, if you’re reading this, I’ve already had to go through with it all).

I Knew This Was Coming

I knew this was coming, though. At least, I thought I did. You see, when I signed up for this class, the course description said that we might need to meet in person; the instructor, however, told us all that we were going to be online.

Now, with five meetings left, I’ve got no choice in the matter.

I know what you’re thinking:

“Why couldn’t you just hold off on taking this class?”

or

“Maybe you could have taken a different class.”

That’s just it, though. This class is only offered in the spring, and it’s a required course. There is no dancing around that matter. Either I took it now, during a pandemic, or I waited a year to graduate — delayed by just one credit hour.

Our teacher is sympathetic to us; he understands our concerns and our angst, but the program has weighed in on the matter and his hands are tied. Just like mine.

It’s been a really difficult year of staying home and being diligent with regard to distancing. There are times when I’ve had anxiety attacks from being at the grocery store, and I’ve recently had nightmares where I showed up somewhere without my mask, and nobody in sight had one on. But as I’ve resolved to be vigilant about this, I must resolve to finish what I’ve started, and deal with the situation handed to me. It’s not just about me earning a degree for myself, it’s about progressing and moving my family upwards in life. Unfortunately, that requires taking risks.

Above All

So now that I’ve finished confessing my dread to you, I will begin to get ready. I’ll clean myself up a bit because pajamas aren’t necessarily appropriate for a laboratory environment. I’ll grab my sanitizer. I’ll grab my two masks to protect myself and others.

Most importantly though, I will kiss my wife and children goodbye. For with all this anxiety over enclosing myself with others, there is one underlying thought in my mind: above all, keep them safe.

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