I Murdered Yet Another Bullet Vibrator

It seems my sex toys can’t keep up with me

This is the story of three bullet vibrators who did their best to bring pleasure to the world. However, they were no match for the greedy woman who wanted to spend her days in sexual bliss. Indeed, it seemed as if that woman’s appetites had no limit.

I know because that woman is me.

That’s right, darlings. I’m a professional bullet vibrator murderer. Not sorry.

The First One

It all started about two years ago with a pink bullet vibrator made of silicone. It was shaped like a tube of lipstick, making it very convenient to carry around, if you catch my drift.

Confession: it was my first vibrator ever. I instantly fell in love.

I never knew I had it in me to have so many orgasms in a row. Whether it was taking a break from writing or just helping myself to fall asleep, my vibrator really made me happy.

However, after a year of use, it started to fail me until, on a sad day, it just died. I was tempted to cast it in gold but realized that might be too much.

The Metallic One

Now it was time to get a new one.

I went back to the sex store and looked at all of the options. Really, so many options. Since I was in an experimental mood — who am I kidding, I always am — I decided to go with a metallic one.

It was neat looking. I thought it was going to be my silver bullet. I expected to have lots of fun with it, just as I did with my first one.

That was not what happened.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It was okay. However, when it comes to my orgasms, I don’t settle for okay. I want spectacular.

I’m not sure exactly what it was…maybe it was the material — it kind of slipped around way too easily, and it was also thinner than my previous vibrator.

I was actually kind of happy when this one started malfunctioning just about three months in.

It never fully died; it just started having bouts when, despite being fully charged, it wouldn’t function or would jump around between patterns.

So I went looking for another one…

The Longish One

This time I decided to go back to silicone. I think silicone is my thing. Once back at the store, I spotted another pink bullet vibrator, except it was a bit longer than usual — think a liquid lipstick tube, but thicker.

Thicker is good.

So, when I got home — after washing and charging it, thank you very much — I gave it a go.

Yeah, it felt good. Actually, it felt great. I did notice I needed to adjust the position more frequently due to the extra length, but it was still quite an efficient toy.

Until it started to die after a few months of use…why, why does this happening to me?

Now, before anyone jumps on the comments to tell me, “You get what you pay for,” let me tell you that I do make it a point to buy quality toys. However, I wonder if maybe these toys are not designed to withstand daily use, mainly because I have other toys that are still doing okay, but they don’t see as much action as my bullets typically do.

The Lilac One

Just a couple of days ago, I found myself staring back at the wall of bullet vibrators, again.

I know! There are worse problems to have, but right now, this is of the utmost importance to me in my silly life.

As I scanned through all of my options, I noticed a vibrator that reminded me a lot of the first one I ever had. However, this one was lilac. Mmm, maybe a new color will bring me luck?

So, here I am now, the owner of a brand new bullet vibrator, asking myself, will this be it? Will this one survive?

I don’t know, but I have no choice other than hope for the best. However, just in case, I’ll keep a bit of cash stashed away…