I Missed Out On A Job Thanks To My Enormous Penis

A new documentary exposes why bigger is not always better

OK, let me get straight to the elephant in the room.

The attention-grabbing headline you clicked on does not refer to me but to a 22-year-old from the United Kingdom named Joe, who told his tale of woe to a global audience this week.

He was one of several men who appeared in a new documentary called My Massive Cock that premiered on Channel 4 in the UK.

Joe told viewers he was recently turned down for a job due to "inappropriate behavior."

He explains he was told, "you're not going to get the job, we thought you were a good candidate, but we thought there was inappropriate behavior happening. They thought I had an erection throughout this whole interview, and they were very much like, "Your attire wasn't right."

Despite wearing special underwear with a pouch to provide more room for his 9.5-inch penis — at the cost of £200, the interviewer thought that Joe's big bulge was an erection.

Looking at the video of Joe in his special underwear, it's understandable why the interviewer thought Joe was incredibly excited to be interviewed.

And missing out on a job interview is not the only downside to having a big penis.

All things great and small

First, what is considered a large penis? The answer is not as big as you may think.

A 2020 review of research on penis size found that the average length of an erect penis is between 5.1 inches and 5.5 inches.

Given men were self-reporting and tended to exaggerate, researchers believe the average is closer to five inches.

Men think larger penis size is often equated with a symbol of power, stamina, masculinity, and social status, with research showing that 45% of men wished they had a bigger penis.

"Men, at least heterosexual ones, maybe worry that there are lots of 10-inch penises out there. Actually, you'd fall into the top 5 percent if your penis is 6.3 inches when erect. Porn stars get the job because their penis size is rare," says Temme Ehrenfeld, a psychology journalist.

It seems that men worry about penis size, but what do women think?

For the last time…size…does…not…matter

One study looked at the average woman's preferences regarding penis size. The results found that women were much more concerned with circumference and girth than length. It also found that the respondent had a preference for penises that were only slightly above the standard population-average size. So the size wasn't' overly important.

"There is a slightly larger difference in girth preference among women, which could be interpreted to mean that girth is a slightly better predictor of penis preference. There is some preference for proportionality in length and girth rather than extremes of either in isolation," says Nicole Prause, a neuroscientist who has studied what penis size women prefer.

Yet men still want bigger penises — even if there are downsides.

Penisality

”‘Being well endowed gets you attention but not affection…if anything, it’s more of a handicap because it’s not something you can bring up. If you bring it up, you’re a bit sleazy, but if you don’t bring it up, it brings complications.’ Matt, 10.5 inches

The men on My Massive Cock reveal the impact their oversized penises have brought them. This ranges from being unable to maintain a relationship to ridicule and abuse. One man laments the fact that people only care about his penis and not his personality.

They all bemoan the fact that they are defined by their penis rather than who they are.

The big part that leads to small parts

“It’s handicapped my acting because people won’t hire me. It sucks. It relegates me into doing smaller parts.” Jonah Falcon

American actor Jonah Falcon is the owner of the most enormous penis in the world. He has appeared on talk shows, been interviewed by all the major publications, and made his name on the back of his record-breaking anatomy.

And in every interview, he seems to be wearing incredibly tight lycra shorts so he can show off his appendage — so he certainly doesn't shy away from his title.

Despite this publicity, he sees his penis as a negative, believing it has cost him acting roles due to its size. It may have affected his career, but it has helped his sex life, with Falcon claiming to have slept with a range of male and female celebrities, including Academy Award winners.

But sex is only a small part of your life.

Pee like a woman

“When guys tell me they wish they had my penis, they look up to me from a sexual, alpha-male point of view. But what percentage of your life do you spend actually using your penis for sex? Compare that number to how much you have to carry the burdens of it around, and the sexual ratio is quite the minority.” Willie Jordan, 11 inches

Willie Jordan was interviewed for an article in Men's Health about men with large penises and brought up a good point. So good that I quoted it above — daily life with a big penis can be a hassle.

Jordan has had strangers grab his penis in pubs — causing it to turn black and bruised and finds it too uncomfortable to ride a bike as he has nowhere to place his protruding penis.

Falcon says he can't get condoms big enough even to cover half of his penis, saying sex isn't' as pleasurable when you're constantly holding onto a condom to prevent it from slipping off.

Despite owning the world’s largest penis, Falcon can’t even pee like a man. When he uses pubic restrooms, he can't use urinals as his penis touches the edges, so he has to urinate while sitting down.

“Would things be different if I had a 4-inch cock? I think so. I’d probably get more work, and I think I would’ve accomplished a lot more with my life.” Jonah Falcon

Surgical options

I'm pretty sure everyone reading this article — regardless of gender — will have received spam emails offering pills to make their penis bigger.

There are many 'solutions' targeting those 45% of men who want larger penises. But what about those who want a reduction? Are there legitimate options?

In 2014 the first penis reduction surgery was performed on a 17-year-old boy in Florida. Known as reduction corporoplasty, it was performed as the boy had sickle cell disease leading to prolonged erections and an inability to have sex.

Googling penis reduction — an act which will undoubtedly lead to a new flood of spam emails and Facebook ads — found just one place specializing in the surgery, Moorgate Andrology, in the United Kingdom.

Their website says the surgery is performed under general anesthetic and lasts around three hours, and is usually performed on those with long but thin penises.

One of the men on My Massive Cock did meet with a surgeon to discuss removing an inch from his penis but understandably balked when the doctor used the term ‘amputation.’

No matter your size, you never want to hear amputate and penis in the same sentence.

When I saw clips of the documentary, I had to write about this fascinating topic.

Initially, I thought was quite funny to see men complaining about the size of their penis. But after researching the topic and reading countless interviews, it does seem to be a big issue for these men.

So for any man reading this with an average size penis — you should be happy — and so should your partner.

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