I Lost My Voice For a Year
The miracle that brought it back
I’ve always loved singing. Over the years, I’ve sung in many church choirs and community groups. I especially love singing solos.
Once on vacation in Jamaica, I stood beside an outdoor bar and belted out three verses of the gospel song Amazing Grace.
What a kick! Everyone clapped and cheered, and I felt happy that I had been able to entertain the people around me.
How my voice went away
When I got breast cancer, everything changed. After my mastectomy, I struggled a lot with getting back to my old self and feeling strong.
Medication side effects took a toll on me, and even after I switched to a new drug, recovery still felt like a long, complicated journey.
I also realized that cancer had robbed me of my voice, not physically, but emotionally. Although I could still speak, when I sat down at my piano and attempted to sing, my voice didn’t work.
Even worse, my confidence was gone, and I couldn’t figure out how to rebuild it.
For a full year, I never sang. I even struggled to lead women’s groups, something I had previously loved doing.
During my challenging cancer recovery, I often felt depressed and hopeless. The doctors assured me that my prognosis was good. They also said that since I didn’t need to have chemotherapy or radiation, I should be able to recover quickly. But I didn’t.
About nine months after my surgery, my husband planned a week-long trip to Hawaii, hoping it would boost my spirits. There were some bright spots during that week, but I spent the first couple of days crying a lot in our hotel room.
The Miracle
When I started my second year of recovery, we moved to a new home. After visiting several churches, we decided to join one close by.
Even though I felt uncertain about it, I decided to sing in the church choir.
That summer, the director invited select choir members to sing in a Broadway musical theater production. She included me in that group of singers.
Practicing for this production was challenging because we had to memorize all the words as well as the choreography of the songs. But each time the director made us sing a line or phrase over and over to get it perfected, I was amazed to discover that I could do it.
Little by little, I recognized that the music was healing my spirit. The more I sang, the more I felt in touch with my deepest self, the part of me that had disappeared during my recovery.
The therapist I was seeing assured me that every song I sang was strengthening my emotions and rebuilding my spirit along with my body.
As we approached the weekend of the production, I felt nervous and unsure of myself.
But when I stood on stage with my fellow performers, I belted out those Broadway tunes with tremendous confidence and vocal skill.
And I knew I had my voice back!
I could truly sing again, and as I hit each of the high notes or challenging chords, I felt the strength of my voice. Even more, I knew I had reclaimed my voice in life.
At that moment, I decided being a cancer survivor would no longer pull me into doubt or despair. Instead, I celebrated that my life voice was back. That voice helped me move forward again in my writing, my weight-loss coaching, and my love for God and others.
I still love music and nothing brings me more joy than singing at the top of my lungs.
Getting Your Voice Back
If you’ve emotionally lost your voice and your confidence, don’t give up! With a little work, you can rediscover the ability to feel confident about your life and your actions.
Even if you don’t have a good singing voice, use the gift of music to help you return to a solid place in your life. If necessary, start by singing in the shower. Let the sound build as you renew your commitment to being healthy and strong.
Then march to that beat and use your voice and your healthy actions to renew your spirit.
I got MY voice back. And so can you!
By the way, I am now a 14-year survivor and doing great.
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