Summary

The author shares their personal experience of losing their virginity to a prostitute, reflecting on the reality versus the fantasy of sex, the legality of prostitution in the UK, and the societal taboos surrounding the transactional nature of paid sex.

Abstract

The author, who struggled with romantic relationships and remained a virgin into their 20s, describes their initial encounter with a "massage parlor" and the subsequent decision to engage in sexual activity with a sex worker. Despite an initial setback due to a misunderstanding of the establishment's rules, the author eventually lost their virginity, though the experience was less pleasurable than imagined. The article delves into the legality of prostitution in the UK, where the act itself is legal under certain conditions, but running a brothel is not. The author reflects on the variety of experiences with different sex workers, emphasizing the importance of communication and mutual comfort. They challenge the societal stigma associated with paying for sex, arguing that it's a legitimate service for those who are not interested in the emotional investment of traditional relationships. The author also cites statistics on the prevalence of men who have paid for sex and concludes with a plea for less judgment regarding the practice.

Opinions

The author believes that the anticipation of sex can be more exciting than the act itself.
They suggest that the quality of the experience with a sex worker is not solely dependent on physical attraction but also on the worker's friendliness and ability to communicate.
The author argues that paying for sex is not inherently different from the emotional and financial investments made in dating and relationships.
They point out the hypocrisy in condemning prostitution while accepting other industries that may also involve exploitation.
The author prefers private escorts over massage parlors, citing safety and the ability to vet the worker in advance.
They express that societal embarrassment and judgment should not deter individuals from seeking consensual sexual services if they so choose.

I Lost My Virginity to a Prostitute

It was an anti-climax that ruined my fantasy of sexual intercourse. But I’m glad I did it, and it wasn’t the last time.

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystall

I’ve always struggled with romantic relationships, and I was still a virgin well into my 20s. I’d been horny and single for so long, I’d built sex up into this amazing thing in my mind. I became obsessed with it and kept wondering how I could finally do it.

On days out in the city, I kept seeing a “massage parlor” along the main road. For the naive among you, these are brothels.

Is prostitution illegal?

In most of the UK (except Northern Ireland), prostitution is actually legal if it’s done individually in private. However, street prostitution and managing a brothel are illegal. So, strictly speaking, these “massage parlors” are illegal, but the authorities often turn a blind eye because it’s better than it happening out on the street.

My first time

When I finally plucked up the courage to enter one of these places, I didn’t actually lose my virginity. Unbeknown to me, they had a rule about only being able to cum once. I came during the warm-up hand job, so that was the end of that!

It was several months later when I finally got the courage to go in there again. This time, it was a Thai woman who didn’t speak much English and who I wasn’t particularly attracted to. But I went through with it anyway.

In the end, the experience was an anti-climax. The ejaculation was accompanied by barely any pleasure at all. It felt like I was just urinating. I was disappointed that it came nowhere close to what I’d imagined sexual intercourse to be. It truly burst my bubble.

Later experiences

That wasn’t the end of my visits to “working ladies”, and thankfully I have had better experiences. Over the years, I’ve visited various parlors and private “escorts”. These encounters have been extremely varied — anything from complete disasters all the way up to pretty good.

But do you know what made the real difference between the good and bad experiences? It wasn’t always about how physically attractive they were. More important was how friendly they were and how good their English was.

But the most enjoyable part of these experiences? The time leading up to it. When I knew I was going to be doing it, the few minutes leading up to walking in was the most exciting moment ever. My heart would be pounding and adrenaline coursing through my veins.

The taboo of prostitution

There is disapproval about paying money for sex, but I wish there wasn’t. In truth, we all pay for sex, whether it’s emotionally or financially. Dating costs money and time, and long-term relationships require emotional investment and risk. Not everyone who is horny wants to always take those routes.

If it’s done in a safe environment, with consenting adults, and no coercion or mistreatment, there should be nothing wrong with the exchange of sex for money. Someone who struggles with romantic relationships visiting a prostitute should be no different than someone who can’t drive paying for a taxi.

You might hold the view that prostitution is evil because many prostitutes are treated badly. To that, I say this: Amazon treats its employees like crap, but does that mean online shopping is fundamentally bad? Even the device you’re reading this on may have been manufactured in a place that treats its employees terribly, but does that mean browsing the web is evil?

In more recent years, I have tended to favor private escorts over massage parlors. I can check out their profile in advance, and there’s less chance of harmful behind-the-scenes activity. I also prefer them to be British, as I want to be able to communicate with them easily. And if I get any sense that they’re not happy doing what they’re doing, I’m out of there!

You probably know someone who visits prostitutes

According to this, between 15 and 20% of men in the United States have paid for sex at least once. In the UK it’s about 8%.

This means you probably know at least one person who has visited a prostitute. It could be one of your friends. It could be a member of your family. But they probably won’t tell you. They will be too embarrassed, and that’s a shame.

Concluding haiku

Some men pay for sex. It’s actually quite common. Don’t be judgemental.