I Look Back on My Year Remembering My Shortcomings
How I’m learning to remember my achievements too
It’s been a tough year for me. This was the year I finally, really, really felt my age. I can remember the many phases I went through, up and down. I spent much of this year being depressed. But I forgot that I actually accomplished things too.
I stopped drinking. I created a garden. I got a court case started. I’ve mostly taught my son to read, I’m potty training my daughter, I did a lot of online English teaching, I’ve advanced in my Montessori training, I’ve improved in Spanish, I’ve worked on my codependency.
I’ve achieved things. Not all the things, but important things, yes.
Sometimes we have periods of time in which we don’t outwardly achieve things. The progress we make might be largely internal.
Mindset Can Be a Help or a Hindrance
For instance, when I stopped drinking no one else would see that as an accomplishment because no one noticed it was a problem. It wasn’t an addiction, but it had enough of an effect for me to know I was negatively affected by drinking.
I also dedicated a lot of time to researching and working on my mental and physical health. I tried a lot of supplements and worked on creating self-care habits that have helped my mindset tremendously. It was easier to just suffer, but actively problem-solving is an achievement.
These aren’t things I can hang on a wall or even take a picture of to share on social media (not that I would if I could). I’m still working on a lot of things and almost none of them look like achievements outwardly, but they’re still very important to me.
There are two big things I did this year that mean the most to me. The first was to go for an opportunity that I thought I wouldn’t be able to achieve for another 20 years. It will be 6 months before I actually achieve my goal, but opening my mind and heart to the idea that I can create something I’ve been dreaming of for nearly 20 years has been huge for me.
It’s not something I talk about though, there’s literally nothing to show when it comes to this achievement. All I did was open my mind, and sit with the idea, and eventually, I went for it. Now I’m just slowly working through the process of bringing this opportunity to fruition.
The second thing I’m most proud of myself for doing was being honest with myself and my entire immediate family about a difficult health challenge happening in my home. I was honest about stating what the problem was and more importantly, I asked for help.
I’m not much of an ask for help kinda girl, even though I realize how important it is (and I’m better than I used to be). But one thing I’m planning to take into the next year is celebrating my wins. Even my teeny, tiny, internalized, non-visible wins.
That’s why I wrote this. I’ve committed to journaling regularly as I did during my most difficult times in life when it was all I had.
My Mind Needs to be Refocused
What I’ve realized is that if I don’t write down what is going on in my life and really reflect I forget and don’t synthesize all the learning, healing, understanding and connections that I could. I want to live more efficiently, and I don’t mean just physically.
I want, most importantly, to be mentally and emotionally as clear and effective as I can be. I want to enjoy the things I’m experiencing in life, even the hard things because there’s always something positive in every experience. But it can be hard to see it if you don’t step aside, look at things from a different perspective and name it.
My goal is not just to name what I see and experience, but also to remember where I came from when I arrive somewhere new. Sometimes I spend too much time thinking about how hard things are. It’s extremely motivating when I do the opposite and look at how I’ve transformed or maintained thus far.
As I step into the last month of the year, and soon into a new year, I want to be conscious of the fact that I can achieve small, large, difficult, and challenging things and I want to have a sense of how important all the little changes I go through affect me.
This is how I plan to motivate myself to keep going hard for small and big changes throughout this next year and throughout this new season of my life.
If you’re interested in healing through journaling, writing, communication, and storytelling join me here!
To read more about my journey to rediscovering and redefining my life as a millennial mom of many these:
