The Virtues of Journaling

Why I Need to Journal to Know Myself

If I don’t journal, I cannot remember most of the experiences in my life. I don’t know if this is because I have a bad memory, or it’s a trauma response or something else, maybe something positive, like I live mostly in the present moment. Either way it creates some difficulty when I need to make serious decisions.

I’ve never been able to understand holding resentment, being spiteful, holding grudges or even holding boundaries. I can set boundaries, yes, but enforcing them…that’s hard work I’ve never been good at upholding. But it’s also something I’m committed to upturning, it’s not coming easy though.

I rely on writing my thoughts out to help me find a grasp on my challenges. I could talk it out, but there’s not enough people in the world to hear me out. I’m a deep thinker, but also slow to process, so I need to go through a lot of thoughts to make decisions. I used to say I was indecisive, but I learned a journaling technique that brought me intentionality.

I know the benefits but my lifestyle over the past several years had made this technique out of reach for me. I’m subsequently unsatisfied with the decisions I’m making and the course correction I’m constantly engaged in. There are too many options and too little time to really consider them, but I’m disconnected from my mental landscape and that’s where I can change.

I’ve not had a lifestyle of regular journaling for several years, coinciding with the births of my younger two children. So hello medium, how are you today? I’m severely lacking personal empowerment and I can’t make excuses any more. I need to get the children out of my room, and create a writing space with supplies, in my room, pronto.

My plan is to keep a record of my emotional digestive system. I want to know how the feelings I’m consuming affect me. With consistent journaling I’ll see the impact and feel more prepared to move with intention, even with time restraints.

If I’m not consistent I can only speculate about what happened, how it made me feel, what happened afterwards and how everything else has blurred my perception. I need clarity. The most fulfilling times in my life have always culminated in deep clarity after noticing a pattern from consistent journaling.

I would have never left an abusive relationship if I hadn’t seen my own words. Words have power. They make thoughts tangible, permanent and infallible. They make me feel confident, wise, justified and validated. They make me feel found. I’m ready to find myself again.

I’m Mera Baid, a writer, mama, educator and linguistics enthusiast.

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