Memoir, Girls Talk

I Learned to Say No After He Took Advantage on the First Date

Most of them had serious boyfriends and often bragged about having sex, even though the catholic ethos of our school made it clear, this was a sin.

In the last Lipstick and Powder memoir, I mentioned that the next few stories would be about boys and discos.

In this tale, I was just over 15 and taken slightly out of my depth.

First Dates

“Right then. Let May decide. Whose it to be?” Carl asked.

I looked at the two lads. Both hoping to walk me home from the youth club disco and wondered how on earth this was happening?

It seemed only a few months ago I’d been all skinny limbs and no chest. Although, Mum had commented that I was blossoming like the spring. She must have been right because the other boy — Steve, was popular and hot too. Blonde wavy hair to his collar, and piercing blue eyes. Most of the girls in my class at school wanted him to walk them home, and the rest!

But Carl was clever. Really, really smart. Being bright myself, I liked that. He went to private school and was taller than me.

Steve was an inch shorter. I’d have to wear flats if we went on a date.

I was just about to opt for Carl when Steve smiled, sending butterflies winging their way from my heart right down through my gut, ending by creating warmth between my thighs.

Being a teenager was not easy!

“Both of you…” I blurted out.

“Hmm. Could be fun,” Carl laughed.

The pair of them jostled as we walked. They lived in the same road and so had known each other for a long time. The jokes were cracked fast and furious and in a moment of laughter Steve gently took my hand. His skin was silky soft.

I’d never held hands with a boy before. Let alone one of the best looking ones in town.

By the time we reached my house Carl retreated slightly, “Looks as if you’ve got this in the bag Steve. When you mess up, I’ll be there to treat her right.”

Steve fixed a date with me and I went to bed on cloud nine.

The following day, the cool girls gathered round. Looking at me differently. They all seemed to know what happened with Steve, although I’d not told anyone. Most of them had serious boyfriends and often bragged about having sex, even though the catholic ethos of our school made it clear, this was a sin.

I’d only ever had a couple of snogs and a quick fumble. I began to worry… Was I too inexperienced? Would Steve expect more from me?

By the time Steve and I met up at the local café on a date, all the previous confidence displayed by the girl who had allowed not one, but two lads to walk her home, disappeared.

I was nervous and shy.

When he held my hand this time, my heart nearly jumped out through my mouth. I couldn’t fault his behaviour. He was a real gentleman.

Later, as he said goodbye, his lips met mine in the softest kiss ever. He didn’t daunt me with his tongue. Or scare me by nibbling my lip. He simply held me close and caressed my mouth with his.

The next day, my thoughts were filled with Steve, and the following week I waited patiently to hear from him. Perhaps he’d pop round or telephone?

However, he never did.

Although upset, I assumed he’d decided not to see me again because I had acted differently from the sparky girl he’d met at the disco.

The enormity of a first date had simply overwhelmed me.

A few weeks passed, and Jane and I attended a party of a local girl. I wasn’t surprised Carl was there, and the smile on his face showed me he was thrilled to see me.

He walked me home from the party, and we made a date to go out on the following Thursday.

When we met up, there wasn’t any awkward silences, as there had been with Steve. Carl was very amusing and had loads of stories to keep me entertained. I liked him.

He suggested a stroll in the local woods, I couldn’t think of any reason why this would not be a fun thing to do. What could go wrong?

After about ten minutes of verbal sparring, he placed his jacket on the ground so we could sit down with a couple of fizzy drinks he’d bought us from the corner shop.

It was a balmy evening in mid-May. I laid back, closing my eyes to the lowering sun. The next thing I knew, Carl was on top. His heavier body easily pinning me to the spot. His mouth crushed mine forcefully. Tongue probing as he bit my bottom lip.

This was way too fast.

And rough.

I wriggled beneath him. “Let m… me sit up, Carl.” I stammered, shocked at his audacity.

Ignoring me, he sucked at my neck, while his hand weaved under my skirt, past my cotton underwear, and then, without prior introduction, he shoved two digits inside my core.

Hurting me.

Pumping back and forth enthusiastically, while his other hand searched inside my blouse — his hardness against my leg. Still gnawing at my flesh, whispering obscenities in my ear.

I was shocked and slightly scared.

Exploited.

Penetrated for the first time. Be it fingers.

“Carl. Stop.” I shouted.

Finally, I had managed to slow him, but only long enough for us to sit up. Then, taking my hand, he placed it down the front of his jeans. Moaning, as I fumbled around.

I wondered what may happen, if I didn’t do as he wanted?

All of a sudden I took the chance and jumped up, saying I had to be home. It was a school night.

He walked me to the house, acting as if nothing unusual had gone on.

The next morning, I looked in the mirror. Part of my lip had swelled to a noticeable size, and a large love bite shone out from above my clavicle. I was mortified. I felt like a sinner. Looked like one, too. What would they say at school?

I jumped back under my bed covers, feigning sickness. It was Friday. Hopefully by Monday the bruising would be gone.

The following week my friends asked how the date went. I lied. Telling them we may go out again.

However, when Carl called, I made it clear there wouldn’t be a next time. The thing was I thought he was OK, but he’d abused me, and it was clear he didn’t even know.

I felt tainted… and dreadfully ashamed. More so — because a part of me had actually liked it.

Boundaries & Learning the Dating Rules

When teens first begin to date, it can be very difficult for them to communicate clear boundaries when it comes to sexual activity. The lack of experience, education and guidance can leave a young person unsure how to behave, and what is expected of them.

I was conflicted because Carl hadn’t asked for consent, yet I’d enjoyed some of what had gone on. He broke the first-date rules, but he was young and maybe no one had told him what they were. And I was simply not brave enough to explain what he’d done wrong.

Looking back, even though Carl did me an injustice, I learned a lot from him. He left a barrage of things for me to reflect upon, which actually helped me to say — ‘NO’ — more firmly the next time someone crossed the line.

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