To My Younger Self: Things Are Hard Right Now, but They’ll Make You Into a Better Person

Without my struggles, I wouldn’t be who I am

What would you say to your younger self if you had the chance?

This question and prompt has become so common that it’s almost cliché. Additionally, this question can negate the positive outcomes of our struggles.

I’m all about being empathetic toward my younger self. I’d love to save her from a lot of the pain she felt as she struggled with relationship problems, anxiety, depression and body image. I’d do anything so she didn’t have to suffer from all the tears, insecurities and concerns.

I would tell her she would find people who love her as deeply as she wants to be loved, that that level of love isn’t impossible. I would tell her what the scale says doesn’t matter. I would tell her she’ll pass that class, get into a good college and find her career path. I would tell her that her grief will lessen over time and that she’s worthy even when she’s not working.

But, while my past self could have benefited from all that kindness and reassurance, one fact remains:

If I gave my younger self insight, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

The problems I had and the negative feelings I experienced, while they seemed unbearable at the time, made me a better, stronger, more intelligent person in the long run. Battling my demons, learning where they came from and where they’re hiding, and working to overcome them, gave me the ability to understand and help others with similar challenges.

My own struggles with mental illness inspired me to become a mental health advocate, and the more I engage in this work, the more passionate I am about it.

I believe I have something authentic, unique and important to bring to the table because of my experience. I know firsthand what other people who are struggling may need to hear. I have a fire within me that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t truly understand the challenges faced by people with mental illnesses. I wouldn’t have co-led multiple multi-hour trainings on how to help friends with eating disorders if my experiences hadn’t taught me the value of mental health education. I wouldn’t have met the amazing people and learned about important topics such as intersectionality if not for the struggles I endured.

My personal relationships have benefited from my past, as well. My experiences have given me an understanding of pain that makes me a better friend and family member.

My experience doesn’t only help other people, though — it helps me, too.

I have an increased appreciation for healthy, happy relationships since I’ve had so many relationships that weren’t. I know I can handle worse than I’m handling right now because I’ve done it before. I’m happier now because I know how unhappy I’ve been. I know the kinds of behaviors and relationships that will boost my self-esteem, and I know to leave those that don’t.

Additionally, I believe pain and suffering can make us more humorous, and I value humor. While I may not have chosen this journey, it has its perks.

A quote of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has helped me a lot with this topic as well. She says this: “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their ways out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

And I’m perfectly fine with that; I would be honored to have those qualities.

So yes, validate the hurt and negative experiences your younger self had. But at the same time, look at how you’ve grown and how much better things are.

And if you’re struggling now, know that a future self is looking back at you, wanting you to know that everything will work out and that you will be a stronger, better person from what you’ve experienced.