Summary

A writer humorously expresses disappointment with the Medium Partner Program, expecting a romantic partner instead of writing opportunities, but ultimately finds value in the writing community and encourages broader access to the program.

Abstract

The author of the article, who remains anonymous, shares a satirical account of their expectations versus the reality of joining Medium's Partner Program. Initially, they were under the impression that reaching 100 followers would lead to a romantic match, poking fun at the term "partner program" and its dual meanings. The writer's frustration turns into a genuine appreciation for the community of writers on Medium, highlighting the positive interactions, diverse talent, and lack of trolls. Despite the humor, the article touches on the limitations of the Partner Program's global accessibility and advocates for its expansion. The author also subtly promotes their own work and the platform's subscription model, while recommending an AI service.

Opinions

The author playfully criticizes Medium for the misleading name of the Partner Program, suggesting it implies the possibility of a romantic partnership.
They express a sense of betrayal and anger over the false advertising of the program, having expected to find a partner in a romantic sense.
The writer appreciates the sense of community and the opportunity to interact with and be inspired by other writers on Medium.
There is a call to action for Medium to expand access to the Partner Program, making it more inclusive for writers worldwide.
The author reveals a sincere connection to the Medium community, which has provided a platform for their writing and a sense of belonging.
They cleverly use humor and sarcasm to engage the reader and make a point about their expectations and realities of the Medium Partner Program.
The article concludes with a tongue-in-cheek acknowledgment that despite having a loving wife, the idea of multiple partners is humorously entertained.
The writer also takes the opportunity to promote their work and Medium's subscription model, framing it as a way to support creatives.

False advertising

I Joined the Medium Partner Program: Where’s All the Single Ladies At?

100 followers but no-one to walk on beaches with

Maybe I should find a less gloomy looking beach first. Photo by Lukas Rychvalsky on Unsplash

I’m a little confused.

This happens often, and my therapist warns me not to let it beget anger, but I’m angry. I have spent time, money, brain power, and copious amounts of hair spray on a false promise. I was led to believe that once I hit 100 followers — not physically, I’m not that sort of angry — Medium would match me with a suitable partner.

Alas, after seconds of swiping right, which only led me to the gardening tab (still not sure why I selected that in my favourites), I am still single*. What the fuck, Medium? Don’t say partner program, especially in today’s world, where it is used far more often in a romantic sense than a business sense, if you’re not offering up any partners.

It’s not like I’m greedy. I wasn’t expecting Drew Barrymore, or Megan Thee Stallion, or even one of the lesser known Kardashians. All I asked was for someone who likes to gaze at sunsets through the Hubble Telescope. Someone who likes to laugh at the jokes I make about zippers (they are a great opener, I swear). Someone who enjoys the smell of stale Java in the morning so much they wouldn’t mind sleeping in the discarded (stolen) coffee van I inhabit at the edge of the caravan park (tip).

Welcome to my estate, ladieeeees. Photo by Nico Smit on Unsplash

I met all the entry requirements. 100 bots/followers, published a story about telling the truth two thirds of the time, and stripes are widely seen in my country (although not as much as France).

I must admit, I was a little confused when they asked for my tax file number, but I assumed this was somehow related to the prenup. And what’s the deal with this Climate change tax? I don’t want no tree hugger or science loving freak (regular freaks are welcome). I tried to dial it down to -10% in the hope that will attract a scrooge type partner who is willing to risk tax fraud so we can buy that holiday cottage with views of the crypto farm.

Medium, here’s what’s gonna happen. Unless you provide me with a suitable and mostly sentient partner, I will write spam articles on 100 followers and how to use Medium as a pyramid-style side hustle for the next 30 days. And screenshot my stats and body parts as I ‘go viral.’

You have been warned.

At this point, the story takes an unusual twist. In a rare moment of sincerity, the author drops his cloak of humour and speaks honestly and openly about how this community of writers has given birth to a feeling of connectedness not experienced in some time.

When I joined Medium, I hoped to write a bunch of weird shit and maybe score a few lols. There was a faint hope of scraping some coin out of it in the long term, but that wasn't the main aim. As a writer who has little experience or knowledge about marketing and networking, I had dabbled in Twitter but never really found my scene (story of my life). I was hoping there would be an opportunity to share and interact with other writers, but I never imagined something like this.

What I have stumbled across in Medium is a mad bunch of writers, some already brilliant, some on their way there. I’ve had a hoot reading the work of many fine creatives. I’ve laughed my arse off, re-thought my perspectives and even gotten a little misty-eyed. Positivity and encouragement drips from the comments, and I have yet to encounter any trolls.

Some of the writers that have inspired me so far: Ann James, Karen E Brewer, PJ Kaplan, Christine Stevens, Terry Trueman, Ginger Cook, Mike Knittel, Dusty Craig and Karen L. Sullivan.

While I am happy to have joined the partner program and look forward to collecting my 17 cents each month, it would be nice if everyone had the same opportunity, regardless of where they live. Martin French wrote a great piece on the issue. Check it out:

Expand Access to the MPP, Please!

An invitation to open conversation for the new Medium CEO, Tony Stubblebine

medium.com

What’s next? I plan on writing and reading the shit out of this place a little further.

*Did you read to the end of the story just to find out if I’m actually single? Aww shucks, I’m blushing. I actually have a wife, who I love dearly. But still, you can never have too many partners. Am I right, my Mormon brothers?

Thanks for reading. Not time for your screen break yet? Try this:

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