WE’RE ALL FAMILY HERE

I Have Finally Found a New Grandma to Adopt Me!

Thanks, Grandma!

My savta (Hebrew for grandma) died when I was twelve. And my Irish-Liverpudlian grandma died when I was sixteen.

They had both lived good lives. But with each of my parents being the youngest of large families, I never had the pleasure of having young-ish grandparents.

Both of my grandfathers had died in their sixties from health problems and I never even had the opportunity to meet them.

So, when I hear my peers talk about their grandparents who are still living or who died recently after many years of a close relationship, I feel a little dejected because I just can’t relate to having grandparents who I felt close to.

But I think all of that may now change…

I’m sure you can appreciate how hard it has been for someone like me to get by in life for so many years with no grandma-figure. It’s been tough, I can tell you.

No hand-knitted jumpers at Christmas time.

No embarrassing new-born anecdotes shared with the new boyfriend.

Nowhere to escape to for tea and homemade fruit cake when life at home is becoming crazy.

It’s been hard.

But not anymore…

I now have a new Grandma.

Yes, it’s true. I asked her if I could call her “Grandma” and she replied, “Of course, my dear!”

Yes, you read that correctly — she called me her “dear.” That means she loves me like a granddaughter already. And I am so excited! I think she will probably adopt me formally and I will officially be grandmothered again.

That also means that I am now the soon-to-be adopted cousin of Smillew Rahcuef which fills me with great joy, knowing the great following he has in the world, the recognition he gets for his choice of hats, and the fact that he is pure love. Being related, even if only by adoption, to someone so revered in the world, is more than I could ever have imagined for my humble little life.

And, of course, my new grandma will have the pleasure of some extra great-grandchildren to add to Smillew’s troupe of seven kids (and however many more she has in the world). Kind of like a “buy one, get three free” deal.

Wait, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Maybe the addition of my kids to her family will finish her off altogether, like they’ve nearly done to me.

Perhaps I won’t mention them. Her eyesight likely won’t be good enough to see that I’m old enough to have any children at all, let alone adult kids, and I’ll just pretend that I am free of any dependents.

Please don’t tell her, will you? She may not want to adopt me if she knows about my zoo of wild children over here in the UK.

She and I can just play online chess accompanied by a G&T or three each day after she has finished her hot cocoa and scrabble sessions with Smillew, and the distance will keep her blissfully unaware of the madness she has inadvertently adopted with me.

You don’t mind her saving the best of her energy for me, do you, Smillew?

Oh, and by the way, Smillew — I don’t mind you referring to me as cuz from here on.

Here’s to my new life as a granddaughter, and to grandmas everywhere 🥂