Summary

The author humorously compares managing a bustling household to running a hotel, noting the similarities in responsibilities and the lack of financial compensation from the "guests."

Abstract

The author of the article draws a humorous parallel between their home life and the operations of a hotel. They highlight the various roles they play, from maintenance and housekeeping to catering, all without the benefit of payment from the family members they liken to hotel guests. The piece underscores the challenges of keeping up with household chores, managing resources, and ensuring the comfort and needs of their family are met, much like a hotelier would for their patrons. The author also reflects on the futility of certain rules and initiatives, such as towel reuse and self-sufficiency in grocery shopping, which are often ignored by the household "guests." The article concludes with a tongue-in-cheek suggestion for the overworked "hotelier" to reclaim some personal time and enjoyment by strategically encouraging independence among the family members.

Opinions

The author expresses a sense of humor and irony about their role as the primary caretaker and provider in the household, comparing it to professional hotel management.
There is a clear frustration with the lack of contribution from other household members, particularly in terms of cleaning up after themselves and assisting with chores.
The author points out the ineffectiveness of "green" initiatives within the home, such as towel reuse, due to the family's disregard for such practices.
There is an underlying tone of sarcasm when discussing the author's own role as a "maintenance manager" with a "certificate in Philip’s screwdriver mastery," highlighting the thankless and unpaid nature of their domestic labor.
The author feels underappreciated for their efforts in catering and shopping for the household, especially when their rules and systems for shared responsibilities are not followed.
The creation of "Sally doesn’t cook Wednesdays" is a tactic to encourage self-reliance among family members, though it meets with mixed success.
The author suggests that by filling their own social calendar and leaving instructions for grocery delivery, they can reclaim some personal time and perhaps shift some responsibilities back to the other members of the household.

TONGUE-IN-CHEEK | SHOOT ME NOW!

I Just Discovered I’m a Professional Hotelier

Now I just need some paying guests

While reading a piece by Natalie in which she interviewed several members of the staff from the hotel where she and her family stayed in Cancun, I found myself nodding at one thing after another in complete understanding.

I realised that I am actually running a hotel right here, under the guise of a home.

BUT… I have failed to make any money from it. In fact, it just drains my bank account completely and none of the guests pay me a penny.

That’s because I was deluded and thought I was just running a home but now I know it’s definitely a hotel. After all, I experience the exact same things that those members of staff that Natalie interviewed were experiencing.

Let me explain…

My hotel currently has, as guests, one 20-year-old, two 17-year-olds, one 10-year-old, two medium-sized energetic dogs, and two middle-aged cats. Oh, and me, of course.

Yes, that’s a lot of shopping, meal prep, cleaning up, organising, and more.

That’s a lot of recycling to be put out.

That’s a lot of laundry to be done.

That’s a lot of messy-eating to be cleared up off the floor (Ginger!!!)

That’s right. Pretend to be innocent! Author’s photo.

That’s a lot of muddy paws to clean (Snowy!!!)

Okay, she’s not muddy. But that tongue 👅! Author’s photo.

That’s a lot of disappearing towels to relocate.

And that’s a lot of half-eaten bowls of cereal to scrape out.

But let’s really take a look at the different departments that we are dealing with in this hotel.

With demanding guests to take care of, you need to ensure you have a capable person in charge of each area of you hotel’s services. Thankfully, I appointed the most hard-working, dependable, and reliable person I know.

Me.

Maintenance

We recently had a run of machines dying on us. And, for some time, the electric heater in my nephew’s room has been intermittently cutting out.

But it wasn’t a problem because we happened to have a spare, still brand-new in its box, which I had already told my nephew was for him if he needed it. So, one day, he asked me for it.

“Sure. You just need a Philips screw driver to put it together,” I said.

“Oh, no worries, I can usually get the other one going again by giving it a kick when it cuts out,” he replied.

The electric heater in my elder daughter’s room died so I mentioned this spare heater.

“You just need a Philips screw driver to put it together,” I said. “It’ll take you 5 minutes.”

“Oh that’s too long,” she replied. “I’ll just grab this other one from the living room.”

You guessed it. I replaced the one in the living room by taking the other heater out of its box and putting it together.

Meanwhile, I ordered a replacement for her original heater. It arrived. It sat there. It sat there a little longer. Still in its box.

Eventually, I grew tired of the box being in the way, got it out, and put it together.

Yes, this has happened with everything from new window blinds to heaters to…well, everything.

Luckily, as I said, we have the best maintenance manager in this hotel. She even holds a certificate in Philip’s screwdriver mastery.

Housekeeping

In Natalie’s essay, she quoted a member of the housekeeping staff who described how little effect the “green” initiative of reusing towels was having.

A towel on the rack means I will use again.

A towel on the floor means ‘please replace’.

— Quoted from Natalie’s piece.

Instead of following the code, guests often asked for extra towels just to throw them on the floor and stand on them. It made me think of my own plight of towels disappearing into rooms, not to emerge again for weeks.

Ironically, later that same day, I went to take a shower, discovered that my daughter had swiped mine. Meanwhile, my nephew had hoarded the biggest and best towels in his room so I searched in my other daughter’s room for a decent towel, finally finding one dry and reasonable clean one dumped on her beanbag in the corner.

In other words, we have our own code. It goes something like this:

Hang towel to dry if you remember, and reuse.

But if you happen to forget, which is most of the time, just leave it on the floor of your room and keep helping yourself to more towels until the housekeeping manager comes looking in desperation because all the towels have been swiped. INCLUDING THE ONE SHE CAREFULLY KEEPS CLEAN AND DRY FOR HER OWN USE!!

Catering

As the ̶m̶a̶i̶n̶ only shopper of the house, I find myself lugging vast numbers of heavy bags into the house. I tax my poor brain to make sure that I buy everything that we need.

But still, things run out before the next shop.

So I created a rule that if anyone uses up the last of anything that is eaten by everyone, they have to go to the small minimarket in town to replace those things. I am not to be expected to stock up every time someone has an attack of banana-hunger, eats all the totally wasteful mini packets of crisps, or decided that houmous wraps are so good they will finish all the houmous.

All I ask is that they take their delicate little (big) selves and make the 5-minute walk so that packed lunches for the youngest don’t end up being a piece of dry bread and a carrot. It’s not much to ask, is it?

I even filled a jar with cash so that they don’t have to ask me for the money each time they use their initiative and go to the shop.

Oh sorry, did I say use their initiative? What a faux-pas.

Nope, none of that ever happens.

In addition, I have instituted a night called “Sally doesn’t cook Wednesdays.” It’s brilliant. Kind of.

The only one who embraced it was my younger daughter. She did get nearly top marks in her Food and Nutrition GCSE, so that might help.

The other two big ones have mastered the art of avoidance. One started staying out late with friends and showing up at dinner time. He never did before.

The other one manages to time her lunch to be so late that she simply isn’t hungry, so she doesn’t give a toss whether I cook or not. On Wednesdays, that is…

More fool me for trying to fool these poor guests into thinking they don’t just get a free ride (or hotel stay) for nothing!

Fish and chips, anyone?

General This and That

As a hotelier, I would never expect my guests to do things like turn off lights or heaters when they go to bed. After all, it makes no difference to them if the heating is left on overnight and racks up a large bill, because they have already paid for their accommodation.

Haven’t they?

Er…no, they haven’t.

And besides which, because I am the general manager, of course I go around at night after everyone has gone to bed to make sure that everything is turned off. That’s my job, after all.

Isn’t it?

… 🤔💭

Moral of the tale: if you are finding yourself running a hotel and paying for the privilege, it’s time to beat the guests at their own game.

1. Leave instructions on how to order a supermarket delivery. Place them immediately next to the mop and bucket.

2. Fill your social calendar with nights out and evenings at the sauna.

3. Enjoy!