I Have Been on the Worst Date Ever

And had so much fun.

I have had my fair share of dating experiences. The ones that are memorable. The ones that are laughable. There are also those you can call “horrorsome”. Still, I have decided not to write off the dating life for good. Instead, I embrace the package fully and learn from disappointments.

I want to talk about my last get-together so that maybe one of you, dear readers, won’t have to cry about it. After all, it is just a bad date, not a life sentence.

Do you remember Rachel Green (a.k.a. — Jennifer Aniston in Friends) going out on a date with a whining, insecure, infertile drug addict who hated his guts?

Believe me or not, I ended up on a similar date.

At first, it seemed to be going pretty well. The laughter was there. The jokes were flying all over. Similar interests? Check.

Once we settled nice and cosy in a fine restaurant, the conversation started going downhills. Sorry, the monologue. This really handsome guy started ranting on and on how insecure he felt about himself, wondering what a gorgeous woman like me actually appreciates about him. Adding the line ‘also, I am broke, so you can’t be in it for money’.

He embarked on a complaining merry-go-ride. Once he jumped on it, he couldn’t get off. It all seemed like a joke to me. It was awkward. It was painfully boring.

Throughout the long ordeal that followed, all I could think of was Steve and Rachel, Steve and Rachel.

Don’t mind that we were in a fancy restaurant with excellent food.

Don’t mind that the guy sitting across the table was extremely good-looking and had girls turn their heads around.

All external attractions of a romantic experience were there. In contrast to his attitude and lack of self-esteem, which he was too eager to display, all his superficial demeanour seemed to fade away. I am hardly surprised.

Do you know what the biggest lesson was?

Insecurities and low self-esteem are the biggest turn-offs.

A lavish thesis could be written on how self-regard affects how the world perceives and treats you. You can treat a girl with a fancy restaurant, but you can never mask how you treat yourself.

It does not matter what you wear, but how you wear it.

It does not matter how much money you earn, but the way you make it and how you spend it.

It does not matter what you talk about, but how you communicate about it. You can deliver a whole monologue about the miserable existence of a fruit fly and still have your audience captivated.

It is not about being charismatic. It boils down to being passionate. Whatever you believe about yourself, about the topic of your conversation, your attitude is going to shine through.

If you feel unsure about yourself, ranting on about it on a first date is not going to make you feel any better. First, you need to feel good about yourself without any evidence from the outside. You cannot build lasting confidence based on people’s approvals and likes. That confidence is fleeting. If you depend on others to boost your self-worth, you become vulnerable to the ebbs and flows of their opinions. You need to ground yourself in knowing that you are enough and that you deserve the best.

There are other treats I would like for you to hit home if you happen to have a bad dating experience:

Know what you don’t want.

And refuse to fixate on it.

I may realize what qualities, behaviours do not make my cup of tea. Instead, I choose to focus on what I want from a relationship: partnership, responsibility, accountability, self-awareness, vulnerability. You do not focus on red flags, but come up with green ones.

I don’t expect my partner to be bright and shiny every day. But to experience lows so that we can grow together. In a photoshopped feed, your sense of honesty and relatability is a beacon of light.

Vulnerabilities are sexy and stand for a mature relationship. However, do not take it to extremes. When you come off as a whining, insecure individual on a first meeting, that is not a foundation to build affection upon.

Genuine partnership is not something you stumble upon.

It is something you both create.

Falling madly in love is the easy part. There are relationships where chemistry and attraction are flying all over the first meeting like fireworks on the 4th of July.

There are also those partnerships that take time to blossom. The ability to rekindle the romance and cultivate the mature, trustworthy union is the hallmark of a lasting relationship.

Once the sparks wear off, it takes willingness, commitment, and perseverance to elevate the relationship to the next level.

Don’t ever give up.

Only because I went on a bad date, I won’t take on the victim narrative. I am not going to give up on the real partnership. I refuse complaining to my friends about it. I am also not going to give a guy another chance.

When I started writing on Medium, I did not get discouraged because larger publications rejected my articles. I persisted. I kept writing. I kept submitting. And it worked.

Just like an athlete does not give up because he had poor training. The next day, he enters the court and throws the ball anyway. It was just bad training. It was just a bad day.

When both partners commit to growing together, they find an unparalleled depth of understanding of what makes them better components.

After all, experiences are our best teachers. Just because you see bumps in the road, you don’t stop moving on. You take detours to learn to navigate through the rocky path.

Even though the date turned out to be a disaster, I still decided to have fun along the way and made mental notes on lessons to learn.

The power of uncomfortable experiences lies in me and how I decide to react to them.

Never give up on your dreams.

Self-confidence is your biggest asset and creates a captivating aura.

Never shy away from doing what you love.

Before going on a date, work on your self-talk, send love to that reflection in the mirror, boost your self-esteem. When you radiate joy and passion, you pour those authentic feelings on everyone you meet. Nobody can resist that level of attraction.

Thank you for reading!

I write to empower and inspire with self-love. Your biggest strength lies in your authenticity, so embrace the whole package. Wear your unique attitude proudly.

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