I Hate Small Talk, and It’s Helpful
How I put extra effort into getting things done with “her.” Does small talk matter? Get the gist.
Small talk makes things easier and often clears a path for me to get what I desire from people.
It’s subjective. It can be a casual talk on the weather, the latest handbag, or a never-ending stupid topic — pregnant chad. For instance, talking about things outside our business topics or preferred interest.
For me, small talk drains my energy and often freezes my spirit. Yet, I use her to get things done.
“Mom, you’re lucky.”
The children’s faces lighted up with an unexpected airplane seat upgrade.
“She doesn’t attend children’s party.” I do, but not every year.
Do you enjoy small talk?
I mean talking about the weather and celebrity mismatched sandals. Or, a never-ending what Junior Kat is doing for her first birthday.
I doubt many writers are social butterflies, but I bet they can party with their written words.
I don’t enjoy small talk, but I listen when I need or have to and offer my presence.
Most importantly, I do speak up for myself and respect others' way of life.
An example,
My village has one taxi station, and they are the only monopoly I know in town.
My first contact with the dispatcher, Kris, was not pleasant. He was up to the task of overt “rudeness” for me to tolerate. I tried to remain calm, but no way my polished small talk pleased him. Then I asked for the manager.
Kris became kind and said,
“OK, I’ll let him call you. He is not here. I’ll tell him what happened.” The manager called me within an hour.
Kris doesn’t like small talk, and he recognized I wasn’t, either. We know ourselves.
Don’t ask me how? Respect others’ way of life.
I’m not too fond of small talk like Kris, but I put extra effort when I need something. Often, I use small talk to help supermarket cashiers feel good about their work.
Study shows small talk can make things better and make us happy.
1. Be yourself and learn how to make things work for you:
People are uncomfortable not being themselves. Authenticity matters.
Why?
Being ourselves make life easier and enjoyable. However, small talk matters if you’re dealing with human beings. My experience shows humans are complicated and, sometimes, less tolerant of thinkers.
Furthermore, other people can’t see you the way you see yourself. And we have to make an effort to do business with different personalities.
Small talk matters. My experience:
- Small talk made the restaurant manager went to the kitchen to supervise my special order meal.
- Sometimes, small talk smooths the way for an airplane seat upgrade.
This example works for me:
I pay attention to what stands out in a person — what others rarely talk about. So I stay away from complimenting children, but a parent first before the children if I want.
This technique does get parent’s attention for the business issue at hand. People like to talk about themselves more than others, including their children.
2. Be aware, accept, and work on yourself:
My nonchalant attitude toward small talk is not fun. Sometimes, some people get mad, but life goes on.
Yet, I continue to work around friends and foes to get things done.
You are not alone. You can work on yourself — practice the skills you need for your happiness.
Value yourself:
In two words, value yourself.
I’m a middle-aged woman who enjoys well-made things and real people. I’ve seen a lot — I love that I age gracefully, value who I am, and continue to work on myself for my happiness.
Remember:
Accept yourself and value who you are.
Practice small talk skills and use them when it’s necessary.
Read Tom Handy’s story here. He wears a polo shirt often than he enjoys. Why? Tom values his life and happiness.
You cannot change who you are or be someone else. And you cannot force yourself to do small talk for hours or spend hours talking on stupid topics. It’s not our nature to party all night and sleep or talk all day.
But find a way to use small talk to meet your goals.
The key is to know what you desire and practice the skills to get what you want. Then take proper care of your energy, time, and happiness.
Share your story below.
**I have changed all names in this story.