I Got Hit By A Blimp The Other Day And I Don’t Understand Why Everyone Has So Many Questions
When I came into work on Monday, there was definitely a buzz around the office. Was there a new snack machine? Did someone get promoted? Did someone find Aaron’s missing grandmother? As it turns out, no, she had died. But also, the buzz was about ME.
I started my daily routine like I always did: with a big giant cup of milk. Yet when I walked into the break room, people were whispering under their breath and pointing at me. I had to say something.
“Guys, what the heck is going on?” I said.
My coworkers Chase and Gary were quick to point out the local news story from last night. “OH!” I thought to myself. “I had been hit by a blimp!”
Now that I had caught on, I made sure to clear the air by retelling the story in crystal clear detail. I recounted aspects of the incident like, “I don’t know, it just kind of happened” and “From where I was standing, it could have been anyone” and “At least I got away from the cops.”
Having relived my experience for my coworkers, I was glad the air had been cleared and I could go back to crunching those numbers at my tiny custom desk that I designed to look like a middle school one.
However, as the day went on, all my coworkers could talk about was how hazy I’d been on the details and how they still didn’t understand how I possibly could have been hit by a blimp. “I don’t understand… in what scenario does that happen? Why were you even near a blimp? Or why was a blimp near you? And what was that about the cops?” my coworker Emma jested. At this point, I knew I had some more explaining to do. Sure, getting hit by a blimp doesn’t happen to everyone — so I elaborated.
At the daily sales meeting, I made sure to clear my throat and put my thumb in the air. People know that when I do this, papa wants to speak. Once I had everyone’s attention, I retold the story with brutal honesty, leaving out no crucial details. I said, “Okay, so it’s clear that you all still have some questions about the blimp accident. Let me tell you again. Last night I was out doing some stuff and I realized that I had another thing to go to. So, I went to where that thing takes place, and then all of a sudden, I realize I’m not somewhere I should be. I’m actually somewhere else. ‘Uh oh,’ I thought. And then I get hit by a blimp.”
After closing my detail to detail recount, everyone was speechless. Was I really such a good storyteller? I made sure to slip in one last part that I forgot, though, “And I can’t believe the aliens let me go, too.”
It was another great day at the office. Of course, the joking didn’t stop there, though. For the rest of the day, my coworkers made jokes like, “We have even more questions now!” and “We still have no idea how this happened.” God, I love these people. For me, going to work every day doesn’t feel like work at all; it feels like hanging out with family. So next time you have a crazy story, be like me. Share.
