I Forgot One

Easily the most important lesson I learned in 2023

As I approach my eighth year of being vegan, I wonder if I can even call myself a vegan anymore.

It all began with a mini bite-sized corndog at Disneyland. I popped it in my mouth to see my kids’ reactions. They hadn’t seen me eat meat in years, after all. They giggled and went on devouring their own mini corn dogs- it wasn’t quite the reaction I’d anticipated.

Also, I wonder what percentage of those corn dog are actually made from meat? God knows what those things consist of.

Over the course of the last eight years, I’ve been a strict vegan- no animal based products purchased unless they’re second-hand, every label read at the supermarket to ensure I wasn’t purchasing a product sneakily made with dairy, looking for the little bunny emblem on all my cosmetics to make sure no animal testing was involved.

In the beginning of my vegan journey, I even gave away all my leather bags and shoes which I considered inappropriate for a vegan to wear. Now I realize how wasteful this practice was as I had to replace the leather stuff with all new stuff.

With a society of consumerism that has gotten out of control, buying new stuff is admittedly almost as bad for the planet as animal agriculture.

But I digress.

As a vegan, I’ve been strict and hard on myself. I was exacting in my attitude and expected near-perfect results. I read vegan forum comments and articles claiming vegans weren’t actually vegan unless they went out of their way to eliminate all animal-based products and food from their lives.

And I bought into the hype.

Because how could I call myself a vegan if I was being half-assed in my approach? How could I proudly adopt the vegan label myself if I wasn’t doing my absolute best to live up to vegan standards set by the diehard vegans of the world?

I didn’t want to be a poser.

But now? I don’t care what other people think of me. I’m not a perfect vegan and I’m ok doing things my own way without caring how others perceive me or my efforts.

I don’t know if it’s appropriate, or even necessary, for me to call myself a vegan now.

But I still very much believe in the vegan movement. My heart is still in it and I’m fully invested in vegan ideals. I care about the planet, the animals and my health.

But the lesson I learned this year is more important than whether or not I’m still vegan:

Life’s too short to be rigid. Living a flexible life is more fulfilling than trying to box myself into an ideal or adhere to a movement.

2023 was a year of ups and downs for me. And I’ll admit, one of the downs occurred when my eight-year-old son expressed curiosity and a desire to try meat for the first time.

Different thoughts crossed my mind in that moment- one of those thoughts was what my son’s meat eating would mean for me.

If I prepare meat-based meals for him, does this mean I’m no longer vegan?

If I buy him meat at the grocery store or at a restaurant, am I a hypocrite?

One by one, my kids began eating meat and dairy this year. Initially, I didn’t know how to feel about it. Although I’ve always encouraged them to follow their own paths and develop their own opinions, I didn’t think it’d happen this soon or that their opinions would differ so greatly from mine.

As each kid hopped off the vegan bandwagon (a movement led by my husband), I began to realize maybe I’d been too stringent. Perhaps I’d been too concerned with living up to a label. And I’ll admit, I may have taken things too far.

Once I loosened the reigns and even (gasp) bought a package of bacon at the grocery store, I began to appreciate the beauty and complexity of what it means to be human- what it means to grow and adapt to our ever-changing circumstances.

I realized I no longer wanted or needed to worry about labels or movements or living up to impossible standards- that living true to myself and respecting my family’s changing beliefs is more important.

I also understand now more than ever, that I can enjoy a piece of non-vegan cake on my daughter’s birthday. I can even eat a slice of cheese pizza every once in a while. Ultimately it’s more important to share those culinary moments with my family- make those memories without nitpicking every single ingredient.

Those special moments with my family are what matter most.

And you know what? Deep down, I still consider myself vegan. I’m no longer perfect- far from it. But I understand now that perfectionism and veganism are not synonyms. I understand that, although my actions may have changed in order to adapt to an ever-changing family dynamic and growing belief systems, my beliefs remain the same.

And I can honor my own beliefs while continuing to respect others.

I still believe veganism is the way of the future. I still believe that if most people adopted a mostly plant-based diet and consumed less animal-based products, we’d collectively be better for it.

And while I may no longer be a perfect vegan, what I’ve gained in the process of shedding labels, is a profound respect of the human condition and what it means to truly embrace compassion for oneself.

I can’t believe I forgot to include this in my list of lessons learned in 2023- it’s arguably the most important one.

We all want to be happy, but what does that really mean, and how do we achieve happiness with distractions and temptations abound?

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