Lessons Learned in 2023

Personal reflections for a better new year

Only five days left before the new year, and I find myself reflecting on lessons I’ve learned- hoping to be a better person or, at least do better in 2024 and beyond.

If I’m being honest, this year was a tad bit mediocre.

Aside from a decent amount of soul searching, nothing significant happened. That being said, the soul searching was not only beneficial but crucial to me growing as a human.

Self-reflection was key for me this year. Here’s what I learned:

1. You can’t please everyone

Yeah, no shit. This is a lesson we already understand from a logical standpoint. But sometimes it takes a specific event happening to make this lesson become real- for it to really hit home.

I spent the majority of 2022 settling into a new town and becoming acquainted with my in-laws for the first time. I was pleasant, engaging, supportive, helpful- in a nutshell, I genuinely wanted to integrate into the family and form solid connections and cement genuine bonds.

Sadly, my efforts proved to be in vain and I spent the first few months of 2023 trying to figure out what I’d done wrong. It took many hours of contemplation and self reflection before realizing I wasn’t the problem.

I behaved like a hopeful, friendly newcomer and if anything, I was too accommodating. But it turns out it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. As the cracks began to show and I learned how truly dysfunctional this family is, I realized I was wasting my time trying to make miserable people happy.

I was spinning my wheels trying to connect with people who didn’t care about me.

I felt foolish.

My in-laws were the only people I knew in this new town and once it became apparent that genuine bonds weren’t going to be formed, it left me feeling sad, disappointed and lonely.

It’s better to be alone than it is to engage in phony relationships.

2. I’m not a great writer

Once I moved on from feeling sorry for myself, I accepted the crappy in-law cards I’d been dealt. This is when the magic really started happening-I began processing my feelings via writing.

Actually, writing was what helped me move on from the disappointment. I discovered my love of Medium and began my new writing hobby by practicing in public.

Practicing in public before you’re actually good at something is scary. Looking back, I’m glad I was semi-delusional about my writing skills. Otherwise, I may not have continued for fear of being ridiculed.

My first three Medium articles received zero views. I realized in those first few weeks that I wasn’t as great of a writer as I thought I was.

Because I had written endless academic papers in graduate school and in college, I assumed I’d be a decent writer across all platforms. I know. Now that I know better, this assumption doesn’t make sense. It’s comical, really.

Because writing on Medium is completely different than academic writing- it’s more personal and conversational.

Once I realized my assumptions were holding me back, I began practicing nonstop. I was churning out at least one article every day in those first two months.

Skills aren’t always transferable. Just because you’re talented in one area, don’t assume you’ll be taking easy street all the way to the bank. You’re still required to practice your craft and improve like the rest of us peons.

3. The truth is more important than being nice

When I finally started meeting people in this town, there was one woman in particular whose company I grew to enjoy. We slowly got to know one another through playdates and even a couple girls’ nights with a group of other moms.

She was fun and drama-free and I really liked her. There seemed to be potential for a meaningful friendship.

And then I met her husband.

I’m not one to judge off the bat without so much as a conversation between us, but something was seriously off with this guy. His vibe gave me the creeps.

Over time, little tidbits of information were exposed. I discovered my new friend was in an abusive relationship. Her husband was downright dangerous and, according to her, capable of committing disturbing acts. This guy was seriously unhinged. They were also in the middle of a contentious divorce and custody dispute.

Long story short, I told her I wasn’t comfortable spending time with her anymore. I have three small children to protect. I told her I’d prefer the “dust settle” on her divorce before we consider hanging out again.

The old me would have stuffed those feelings and been there for a friend because it’s the “right thing to do.” It’s the nice thing. But nice is just surface-level bullshit. These days, it’s more important for me to speak my truth.

Being honest with someone about your feelings is truly kind. It’s not always easy and it may not seem nice, but it’s imperative for preserving your own sense of peace and mental well-being.

4. Rest is just as important as exercise

Another obvious one, for sure. But try telling this to someone like me who enjoys- no, needs- to be active.

Physically slowing down has been mentally challenging for me.

I mean, I’m forty years old now- almost forty-one. And while this isn’t a death sentence, I’ve come to accept that my body simply can’t do what it used to. I’m not as fast. I’m not as flexible. I don’t have the stamina I once did and I’m more accident-prone.

And while I have no intention of letting any of this stop me, I’ve allowed my age to slow me down somewhat this past year. Just a teensy bit. And I’m learning to be okay with it.

If you want to stay active well into old age, accept that rest is a crucial part of the process.

I like to think I’m entering 2024 a little wiser and more content than I’ve been this past year.

There will always be lessons to learn in life. That’s the beauty of being wrong and admitting our mistakes- we grow exponentially in those moments.

In the new year, I plan to be more discerning regarding who I spend time with and especially who I allow near my children and family.

I will continue setting boundaries and staying true to myself, even if that means remaining alone and friendless. I know my value and I know the types of people I want in my inner circle.

I plan to continue writing and will remember that anything worthwhile takes time. I accept that this Medium writing stuff is a long game and not a quick process to overnight success- overnight success doesn’t exist in the world of online writing.

Above all, I’ll take care of my mind and my body. I’ll rest when I need to and I’ll stay resolute in my boundaries while remaining open to new experiences and new people.

I hope you, too, have learned some valuable lessons this year.

Let’s make more mistakes in 2024, shall we?

Cheers to the new year!

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