I Don’t Need to be “Taken Under Your Wing”, Mr. Big Shot

Just because I’m a woman and you’re a man, does not mean I need assistance or saving to succeed in the business world.

I’ve encountered this a lot in the business world.

Assumptions that men are naturally more gifted at business than women, who let our emotions get in the way and cloud our professional judgement.

And I’ve encountered a lot of men who truly, and thoroughly, believe this to be true.

Most of these encounters take place with middle-aged, white businessmen.

So, I suppose, that was why I was even more so taken-a-back when I had an encounter like this with a male entrepreneur who was around my age.

That interaction has stuck with me since.

Men are more likely to talk themselves up. Women are more likely to downplay their success.

This is why, when we sat down to discuss business over coffee, you seemed to get the impression that you could be a mentor figure of sorts to me.

I don’t tend to be shy about my business. I’m always happy to be transparent about the facts and figures when anyone asks.

But I also don’t think that just because my business survived when many others have failed, I’m the best thing since sliced bread.

You, on the other hand, seemed to think that simply because you were making a full-time income, you’ve unlocked the secrets of the universe.

I may not brag about my business to the same extent that you did, but that doesn’t mean just because you talk bigger and louder, you’re automatically better at business than I am.

It’s not about making it a competition — it’s about offering one another mutual respect.

When we broke down the bones of our businesses, the facts told a very different story from what you were telling.

When the conversation took a more transparent turn, and we casually mapped out the nitty-gritty details, it became clear you’d made some ridiculous assumptions.

For one, I had been in business for several more years than you. You’d been in business for 1 year — and while the feats you had achieved were indeed impressive when considering it was only your first year in business, it also became apparent you had no clue what the fluctuations of business truly look like. You hadn’t been in business long enough to experience those ups and downs yet.

This led to my next point — I was much more experienced than you as an entrepreneur. I’d dealt with a more diverse clientele, a more diverse assortment of industries, and had not only gone through but also survived the dramatic downs that come with running a business. You’d only experienced the upward climb, by this point. You had yet to be dropped with zero notice by a client. Your time would come, but it had not yet. An experience like that, and overcoming it to tell the tale, is priceless.

And finally, the part that really trumped me was when you proudly admitted your company’s income. Again, it was very impressive for the first year… but the reality was that my company was more profitable than yours. I was paying myself a higher monthly income than you paid yourself. I was bringing in more business than you were.

In every respect, if anyone should have been the mentor in our dynamic, it should have been me.

But that thought never crossed your mind when we first sat down with one another.

You’re not God’s gift to female entrepreneurs.

This was the final straw for me — when you said that you’re passionate about helping other prospective female entrepreneurs, specifically, to make it in their businesses.

You didn’t come off as an ally in that moment. In fact, you came off as mysogenistic.

Which I know, full well, wasn’t your honest intent.

But your biggest mistake, from the getgo, was rather than seeing female entrepreneurs as your equals or fellows, you saw them as an entire group in need of saving. As if, without you, we would be in a desperate state.

As if, without you, we’d never be able to make something off ourselves.

And that assumption is without a doubt a massive crock of sh*t.

Final word.

While by the end of our conversation, I could tell you were a little embarrassed by your false assumptions, I didn’t take the opportunity to rub it in by saying anything further.

Because that’s the kind of world we live in — one where women are expected to bend over backwards to protect that which is the fragile male ego.

Even a credible businesswoman such as myself.

I never would have relished in the opportunity to humiliate you, even though by the end of our interaction, I felt embarrassed on your behalf.

That’s simply not my style, as a fellow human being.

But I do regret not taking the opportunity to use our interaction as a teaching moment for you.

As an opportunity to quite reasonably point out the misstep in your assumptions and problematic nature of your “goal” to uplift female entrepreneurs as a group.

The fact of the matter is, fellow young entrepreneur, we women are capable of far more than you give us credit for.

Being women is not a downside or a drawback for us in business. Sure, it makes the playing field more difficult — because men like you assume that we in some way are lesser than.

When we are not.

We are just as brave, just as powerful, just as capable as you are.

And I hope that your conversation with me helped in reshaping your world view to truly believe that.

Maybe one day you fully will.